I am at it again after being away for so long. This is a continuation of Nick's healing after "Last Knight" that began in 'Paper Sun.' It might help to read that first, but I can't make you. It lives on the fkfanfic2 site, as well as at my own mini-fic page http://users.rcn.com/feendish/ Disclaimers... Forever Knight and all of its gang are the property of James Parriott and Sony/Tristar, as we are all aware. No copyright infringement is intended. But, as before, I must state that if they had been a little more careful, I wouldn't have to do these things. I have also borrowed "Please Forgive Me" which belongs to David Gray. Again, no infringement is intended. Permissions... Permission to archive to http://fkfanfic2.gryffonslair.com. Anyone else, let me know! It has not been beta read, so beware! _____________________ Please Forgive Me by Erin April 2002 _____________________ "Please forgive me if I act a little strange For I know not what I do Feels like lightning running through my veins Every time I look at you" "Sir? Monsieur Knight?" Nick glanced at the young man speaking and realized he was addressing him. He apologized to the bell hop and smiled, the young man appropriately dazzled. Nick followed him to the elevator, his coat over his arm and his cooler in his hand. The door closed with a muted 'snick', and Nick reached for the chain and thumb bolt without really a thought. The charming young bell hop had assured Nick that if he required anything, anything at all, not to hesitate to call the front desk and be sure to ask for him personally. Beau. Nick had smiled and thanked the young man, assuring him he would be quite comfortable. He'd tipped Beau handsomely and bid him a good evening. And now he took his cooler to the squat refrigerator and emptied his precious cargo. He would have no trouble finding sustenance in the city, but he wasn't planning on going very far tonight. He shut the door, the last bottle in his hand. He uncorked it as he walked to the luggage rack to open his suitcase, and he took a long, satisfying pull on the bottle. He didn't even realize that his throat grumbled with a contented little hum as he drank. His body had always known the truth, even if his heart and soul had not. There was nothing quite like human blood. The overhead light in the room burned down on him, and he quickly extinguished it. He went to the bedside lamp and snapped it on, the mauve glass shade casting a soft, raspberry glow across the room. Much better. His mostly forced vacation had begun, and Detective Nicholas Knight planned on indulging in a little bit of the decadence his mortal life could not allow. He was worn out and needed recharging in the most terrible way. He had nearly lost his second partner, he had nearly lost his best friend, he had nearly lost his own life.... And now he was in the one place where he felt he could continue to heal. He and Natalie had made peace, finally. He hoped their cease fire would last; he thought it would. They had finally come to grips with their relationship and its nature. And that it would never evolve into the romantic connection they had both hoped for, but, for whatever their reasons, resisted. ********************************************************* "I'm okay." "Are you sure?" Nick asks, looking up at her. "You're really okay?" "I am. Really. What happened has opened my eyes, I guess. You were always right. You can't have a real relationship, at least not on that level, and I can live with that. And I know that you can. Please try and leave it behind." And she hugs him, his head against her breast, his arms tight around her middle. "I do love you, Natalie," he sighs into her sweater. "I love you, too, Nick." ********************************************************* Nick sighed, setting his bottle down on the desk and began to unpack. He had come to Paris to mend. There was nowhere better, in his mind. And he had unfinished business in this city. He just hoped she would come. ---------------------------------------------------- "All my words are falling short And there's so much I want to say Want to tell you just how good it feels When you look at me that way" Nick closed his suitcase and smiled to himself. Done. He reached for his bottle again and walked over to the double doors leading onto the balcony. He threw them open, taking a deep breath and gazing out contentedly over the sparkling city. The view was flawless, and he smiled. Turning on his heel, he went back into his room, leaving the doors wide open to hear the sounds of the traffic and people below. There was the faintest sound of fluttering fabric, a muted footstep, and a scent... A soft perfume of some exotic flower, not too sweet, just enough spice. And that was the scent of her, not even the cologne she wore. Nick turned. "You came," he said softly, the wonder and pleasure in his heart too great to hide in his voice. A delicate, deliberate bat of black lashes over dark blue eyes, but no response. "I've come to tell you some things, if you'll let me." A soft purse of a full, red mouth, but no response. "You don't have to forgive me, you don't even have to talk to me. But I need to tell you... so much." A haughty lift of a stern chin, but no response. "Janette..." he said lowly and took a tentative step toward her. "Stop." Nick's heart leapt in his chest. It was amazing; even with their slowed bodily functions, she could still make his blood quicken with just a word. "Janette," he began again. "Why are you here?" she asked coolly. "To see you." "Why?" She still had not moved any closer. "To say I'm sorry." She regarded him for a moment, her sparkling eyes on his face, daring him to say more. But he didn't. She tossed her black, wool cape open, over one shoulder and then the other, the lining a jeweled blue silk. She was dressed in a fashionably casual pair of flared black jeans and a black silk jersey. Her hair was loose and long, the black curls shining in the moonlight. And she began toward him, unfastening the clasp at her neck as she walked. Nick knew he was holding his breath and that, if it could, his heart would be hammering in anticipation. She was impossible to read if she chose to be, completely enigmatic when it came to gauging her emotions. Was it something he loved about her? Sometimes. Of course, there were those nights, those endless days when she burned for him like no other woman he had known in 800 years, and he's always known right where he stood. There was no question in his heart, he was so sure. And when she would break his heart, as often as he had broke hers he imagined, she was very matter of fact. His sphinx, his oracle, she was mystery and she was truth. And his heart grew cold with thought of her never forgiving him. Janette dropped the little cape on the settee as she passed it, never taking her eyes from his. She stopped just in front of him, the little toes of her boots against his shoes. He could feel the soft exhale of breath against his neck as she spoke. "You're sorry." It wasn't a question, just a statement of fact. She knew it perfectly well. The thread of connection between them, the bond formed when he had brought her back across, combined with centuries of shared blood and Nick's inability to guard any of his emotions, made it impossible for her not to know. It was Janette's skill under the tutelage of Lacroix that allowed her access to Nick's deepest emotions and her ability to guard her own. It was also those same lessons denied Nick by Lacroix that left him so open and vulnerable to her probe. "I don't have to tell you how sorry, Janette. And I also don't have to tell you that, sorry as I am, I don't regret what I did. My only regret is that I had to make the decision. But I made it. I couldn't bear to let you go, Janette. And I'm not sorry for that." She stood on tip toe, even in her six inch heels she was half a head shorter than he, and she placed her delicate white hands against his shoulder blades. And she put her full lips to his wide mouth and kissed him gently. Nick's eyes shut tight against the emotion that rose in his stomach, spreading throughout his chest, into his throat and into those eyes. He fought the tears and found he couldn't. He kissed her back, once, twice, quickly, fiercely and buried his head into her shoulder, her hair, a strangled sound in his throat. The relief consumed him, and Janette tightened her tenuous hold on him, her arms trying to encircle him as she held him. She whispered and crooned into his ear, stroking the gold curls at the back of his neck. A mortal woman would have been crushed in his embrace, but he was afraid to let her go, couldn't even think of relaxing his hold on her. His hands flexed on her back, the fabric of her top clutched in his fists. He felt her the stroke of her fingers on the back of his neck, the soft little kisses against his ear to soothe him, and he knew if faced with the choice of taking her life to return it to her, he would do it all over again. There was no solace in the world like Janette's arms, and he knew it as sure as his body knew human blood was the only sustenance it would ever truly accept. "I won't ever have to lose you, girl Won't ever have to say goodbye I won't ever have to lie Won't ever have to say goodbye" END ---------------------------------------------------- all comments welcome at feendish@rcn.com all flames.... not so welcome