Hard Habit to Break
Kristen Fife, 01/04

Not wine... men intoxicate themselves; Not vice... men
entice themselves.' ~ William Shakespeare/Chinese
Proverb

Nick sat at the bar of the Raven. It was a quiet
evening. The crowd was light, the music nothing
special. He still wasn’t sure why he had come. Since
Janette’s departure, he had come to the club more
often, especially when he knew that LaCroix was holed
up in the sound booth and not surveying his domain, as
it were. He sighed. If he was honest with himself, he
knew he was trying to find echoes of Janette in the
club. LaCroix had changed the décor, but it still very
much had Janette’s stamp on it. He was still hurt that
she had left Toronto without a word of goodbye. They
had gotten closer in the last year than they had been
in almost a century, and he missed her.

He turned to Miklos. “Can you pour me a glass of the
house special, Miklos?”

Without a word, Miklos turned and pulled a bottle
bearing the Raven’s label out from under the counter.
He poured a glass of bloodwine for Nick and handed it
to him.

Absently Nick started talking. Miklos was, after all,
a bartender. “Is it much different working for LaCroix
than Janette?”

Miklos looked at him, knowing full well the
relationship between the three elder vampires. “Yes
and no. Janette was a more amusing boss, but LaCroix
manages the club better. And of course, most of the
young ones are much better behaved around him in
general.”

Nick nodded as he sipped his bloodwine. The sweet
taste of the blood soothed his hunger, and the acrid
tang of the wine on his tongue was a nice counterpoint
to the blood. He allowed himself to savor the memories
of the donor. A recently married woman, with memories
of her wedding and honeymoon in Tahiti. He especially
savored her memories of lying on the beach, basking in
the warm sunlight. He closed his eyes and could almost
feel the forbidden sun warming him. A small smile came
to his lips as he vicariously lived the woman’s
memories.

He opened his eyes, and motioned for Miklos to pour
him more of the bottle. It was a wonderful experience
and he wanted to savor it. The memories of the sun and
the tropical paradise warmed his cold heart.

As he finished his second glass he got up to leave. He
thanked Miklos and headed for the Caddy. As he started
the engine, LaCroix’s hypnotic voice came on the
radio.

“Tonight, gentle listeners, we discuss vice. Bad
habits. Doing things that feel good  but that we know
are wrong or detrimental to our well-being. It could
be as simple as biting your fingernails, or as serious
as a drug habit or alcoholism that cripples you and
ruins your life. My question to you, mes amis, is why
do put yourself in temptation’s way? What drives us to
test our self-control by exposing us to the very thing
we know will cause us harm? And, if we give in to our
urges, why do we allow ourselves to feel guilt? What
IS guilt? And why do we let ourselves feel self-pity
instead of simply holding ourselves accountable for
our actions, for good or ill? I’m waiting for your
calls, gentle friends of the night.”

Nick scowled. He HATED it when LaCroix baited him.
Then he chuckled wryly. He realized, in a flash of
personal insight, that it wasn’t drinking the
bloodwine that was his harmful vice this evening; it
was listening to his master’s radio show. Perhaps he
should try weaning himself off of the Nightcrawler.
Obviously, listening to LaCroix night after night was
a road down subconscious flagellation. Invariably, his
master’s programming and dulcet tones left him angry
and frustrated with himself.

With the self-realization that LaCroix’s nightly
monologues were every bit as harmful to him as
drinking human blood, he reached over and carefully
turned the radio off.
======================================
Written for the blood and wine challenge.
www.oxoniensis.popullus.net/intoxication/main.htm

Disclaimers: I do not own the Forever Knight
characters, and this original work of fiction was
crafted without intent of infringement or for monetary
gain.

Permission granted to archive on the fanfic site, the
FTP site, and the challenge site. Anyone else, send me
an email at fenix23fyre@yahoo.com