From: Patty Costantino [psmoot43@hotmail.com]
Sent: Friday, May 25, 2001 1:12 PM
To: AKBlake@lock-net.com
Subject: Defending My Unlife :Crossover

Here's another one!

Patty

Defending My Unlife:Crossover

April 2001

By: Patty Costantino

Notes to reader: This story has been inspired by the characters from the 
Forever Knight T.V. series and it takes place immediately following Last 
Knight.

Characters: Nick, Natalie, LaCroix, others and the original movie Defending 
My Life don't belong to me. I am just borrowing them.

Content: PG-13 in nature for implied N&N sexual situations, mild language 
and violence.

Permission is granted to archive at FKfanfic.com, FK FTP archive and N&NPACK 
MORTAL LOVE Archive. This story has been archived at my site at 
www.expage.com/patty43.

Please let me know what you thought of this story by emailing me at 
psmoot43@hotmail.com. Thanks!

Defending my Unlife

April 2001

By: Patty Costantino

Chapter 1

"Damn you Nicholas," uttered Lacroix as he drove the wooden stake through 
Nick's back, the sharp tip of the object piercing straight through his heart 
as he collapsed on top of Natalie. The pain was excruciating, a burning 
sensation radiating from his chest to his extremities, as he lay dying, 
feeling his life ebb away with his last breath....

***********************

Nick awoke in a state of grogginess to a dazzling light from a bright, oval 
shaped portal some ten yards away. His surroundings reflected low rolling, 
treeless hills with a babbling brook in the distance. As Nick rose to his 
feet, he moved gingerly towards the portal where a veiled guide awaited him 
as she had almost 800 years ago. Walking with difficulty as his balance 
seemed unsteady, Nick glanced down at his attire, observing a white hospital 
gown. He didn't remember wearing this shift before he arrived at this place. 
In fact, he couldn't recollect much of anything; his mind was in a fog as 
images were trying to surface, but they couldn't somehow. Shaking his head 
in an attempt to clear it, Nick approached the mysterious figure.

The guide motioned him nearer to the light, her hand beckoning. "Come 
closer, Nicholas."

He stepped up next to her, his footing wobbly. "Why am I here again? Am I 
dead? I don't recall what happened before I arrived here. Please tell me 
what is going on?"

"I'm afraid, Nicholas, that you have perished," she stated with graveness, 
pausing to allow the words to sink into Nick's mind, then resuming, she 
said, "I can not say how you died, but I will tell you this: unlike, the 
first time you approached the portal where you were provided a choice of 
returning as a vampire or stepping through the light as a mortal, you will 
have no options this time. You will have to step through the light."

Nick pondered the woman's remarks. He stepped closer as he asked, "Why must 
I venture through the light now when I don't understand how I got here in 
the first place?"

She stared at her new arrival. "I am not permitted to explain how you got 
here. The Elders will disclose what is necessary for you to know once you 
cross through the portal. I am simply here to escort you to your 
destination."

Nick shook his head, trying to clear the cobwebs from his mind as he 
attempted to decipher what was truly happening to him. "So, if I proceed 
through this light, will I remain a vampire or will I become human?"

"You will remain a vampire until such time that the Elders feel you can move 
on to the next horizon. All I can tell you is that your life will be judged 
before a court."

Nick exhaled audibly. "I will be condemned then to an eternity of damnation 
if I am judged as a vampire before this council. Why bother to allow me even 
a chance at defending my life, if I will go to purgatory?"

"You ask me too many questions, Nicholas, for I can not answer them." The 
guide waved her hand at him to follow. "Come, you will be afforded an 
opportunity to ask the Higher Beings your many questions. As I've already 
said, you have no choice in this matter."

Walking slowly on rubbery legs, Nick approached the portal, hesitating 
briefly, then he passed through the gateway to whatever lay ahead. As soon 
as he stepped through, he was surrounded by a stark white tunnel which 
extended downward into a seemingly endless walkway.

The figure beside him grasped his hand to lead him along the pathway. Try as 
hard as he might, Nick couldn't shake the sleepiness that still overwhelmed 
him as he continued to walk next to her. Finally, coming to the end, he 
could discern rays of light, shimmering their beams down on the hard surface 
of the tunnel's exit. Realizing what the brilliance signified, he halted, 
catching the guide by surprise.

"I can't go out into that sunshine. I'll go up in smoke and there won't be 
anything left of me, except some ashes."

She laughed suddenly. "Nicholas, how can you burn when you are already 
dead?" She expounded further, "You may be a vampire, but unlike on Earth, 
where you would have been shish kebob if you went out into the sun; you may 
step out into this light as it really isn't sunlight."

"What is it, then?" he questioned in a baffling tone.

"The brightness you see represents all the souls, who have passed through 
this tunnel into the next domain. Their essences tend to illuminate our 
world with the goodness that belonged to them," she explained.

Nick stared at the guide as he ran his hands through his blond locks. " You 
are saying that if I pass through, I will not implode because this light 
is.....," he hesitated, trying to find the right word, then he offered,"... 
artificial?

"No, the light isn't artificial, but it won't harm you because it isn't true 
sunlight. Let me explain further. Individual souls are real; therefore, the 
light is true and genuine." She grasped his hand more firmly, urging him 
toward the threshold. "Your soul will intermix with the others as soon as 
you cross through as well."

He pulled back in astonishment, his eyes becoming wider at her statement. 
"You mean to tell me that I actually have a soul even though I'm a vampire?"

The veiled stranger laughed, moving her hand up to her chest. "Yes, even 
*you* Nicholas possess a soul. If you were thinking that you didn't have 
one, be rest assured that you didn't lose that part of yourself when you 
decided to become a vampire."

"But, LaCroix said that I had no soul," he argued.

"LaCroix?" she asked with curiosity in her voice.

"Yes, LaCroix, my master," he explained.

The guide nodded in understanding. "Yes, LaCroix did seem to have his own 
thoughts and beliefs on the matter, but I'm afraid he led you astray, my 
friend. Souls didn't mean much to him as he didn't believe himself. Besides, 
it was a way to hold something over you, since I understand he loved power 
and control. In his mind, your quest for redemption would have been weakened 
if he persuaded you to think that you were soulless; you would have been a 
more faithful follower."

"LaCroix tried to instill many beliefs in me, but I wasn't always a 
"faithful follower" of his principles," Nick said sheepishly, grinning at 
the woman. "I guess you could say I was an insolent child. At least, LaCroix 
always told me that I was disrespectful."

"Not disrespectful, Nicholas... principled," she countered. "You had your 
own moral and ethical standards to abide by and you tried to do what was 
right in your heart."

The spector started to lead him over the threshold as she concluded, 
"Anyway, your soul is intact and you do not need to be afraid to cross over 
into the light."

Nick faltered for a second as he studied this mysterious person, who seemed 
to know much about him. Though he was still momentarily unsure about the 
consequences of stepping into the light, he allowed her to pull him through 
the opening into the lustrous aura. For an instant, thinking instinctively 
that the sudden warmth on his skin would burn, he withdrew, cowering in the 
shadows of the tunnel.

Coaxing him with a wave of her hand, he stepped out of the darkness. At 
first, the warm sensations on his face and arms were so exhilarating...it 
had been centuries since he had felt heat upon his skin; warmth like a 
crackling fire. Nick was tempted to spin around in absolute joy at the 
wonderful feeling; instead, he gazed up to the sky. Surprisingly, there were 
puffy, white clouds painting the vibrant blue sky above him. In the 
distance, a bright, orange, ball could be detected.

Nick asked, perplexed, "Why does the sky appear to be normal, if it is 
suppose to represent our souls?"

"The Elders wanted the adaption process to this new world to be as stress 
free as possible, so they came up with the idea of making this place 
resemble Earth as you would know it."

Nick regarded his surroundings as she pointed to the landscape. Indeed, the 
terrain did appear similar to Earth. A lush forest of evergreens inundated 
the land before him with sharp white-capped mountains forming a brilliant 
backdrop to this spectacle. Off to the right, a flat, well-paved road was 
apparent as buses moved slowly along as if giving a tour, similar to a tram 
ride in an amusement park.

"Where do those buses go?" he asked with interest.

"They will take you to your hotel."

"My hotel?...you mean I get to stay at an actual place of lodging during 
this judgement hearing?" he exclaimed, his voice betraying disbelief.

She smiled, leading him towards one of the trams. "Yes, Nicholas. *You* are 
allowed some comforts while staying in Judgement City."

"Judgement City?..Is that what you call this place?"

"Well, it fits, doesn't it?" she chuckled.

He shook his head as if this were all a dream and somehow he would be 
momentarily awakened from it. "I suppose the name is apropos to the place," 
he noted. "When do I meet the panel of judges who will decide my fate?"

"No more questions, Nicholas. The time has come for me to leave you now. You 
need to climb aboard the trolley which will take you to your destination. 
Goodbye and good luck!"

Before he could utter another word, the guide vanished before his eyes. 
Baffled and still groggy, Nick climbed up into a soft, cushiony seat on the 
bus. Though he wanted to reflect more on his conversation with the woman, he 
couldn't focus on any given thought; his mind was a jumble of confusion. 
Closing his eyes, he drifted off to sleep....

*****************************

Nick felt a nudge to his shoulder as he opened his eyes, peering up at a 
uniformed woman, who was trying to tell him something. "What did you say 
just now?" he asked ruefully.

"I said that you need to descend from the tram, sir," she replied, an edge 
of firmness to her voice.

Since Nick didn't want to ruffle any feathers in this world, he quickly 
disembarked from the bus. Glancing around, he noticed the building before 
him was a hotel, resembling a Holiday Inn. A group of people were shuffling 
slowly into the lobby, staring straight ahead, their eyes glazed over like 
zombies. He followed behind them, still fatigued himself. Once the group 
settled around the room, a man dressed like a bellhop appeared. He motioned 
for everyone to gather closer.

"Welcome, folks to the Tides Inn. I hope your stay with us will be 
comfortable. I'm sure you are very tired from your journey. Our staff will 
show you to your rooms where I'm sure you will find all the comforts you 
need."

Still quite disturbed by all this, yet too tired to ask questions, Nick 
allowed a bellman to escort him to his room. He proceeded up to the fifth 
floor to a small, but comfortable looking room. A double bed, with a small 
table and two chairs rested in one corner. A 13" T.V. was positioned across 
>from the bed with a bureau and several draws next to it. The bathroom was 
small, but clean. A closet revealed several white long robes. Nick glanced 
at the bellman as he held out one of these garments.

"What are these robes for?"

"They are called tupas, kind of like a caftan, sir. Everyone is suppose to 
wear them instead of your Earth clothes."

"They look kind of Middle Eastern," shrugging his shoulders as he spoke, 
"but I have no doubt that they are comfortable."

"Yes, sir. They are the height of fashion in this part of the universe," he 
commented as he opened a small refrigerator next to the dresser. "By the 
way, we have stocked this fridge with the finest human vintages around for 
your pleasure."

"You mean that you have human blood in that refrigerator?" Nick couldn't 
believe what he had heard as he stared at the bellman.

"We thought you would be pleased with the human variety for a change, sir," 
he grimaced, "instead of that repugnant bovine you used to drink."

Nick asked carefully, "Where do you get the supply?"

"No one had to die to donate this blood if that's what you are wondering 
sir. Even Higher Beings like ourselves are capable of blood donations. I 
believe you will find our blood is quite satisfying as we are a most 
creative and intellectual bunch," he expressed in a proud manner, puffing 
out his chest.

Nick chuckled, shaking his head. "I guess I will try to enjoy the special 
vintages then. Thank you."

"No problem. If you need anything, please call down to the desk at anytime. 
For now, I suggest you get your rest. Good day sir!"

Nick laughed abruptly. "I haven't heard anyone tell me to have a good day in 
a long time! Good night, maybe.....but not good day! Thanks. You have a good 
day yourself."

"Have a good rest, sir," he repeated, closing the door behind him.

Attempting to piece together all the segments to the puzzle was too 
overpowering for him at the moment. Turning towards the bed, he lay down, 
drowsiness consuming him, as he immediately fell into a deep sleep...

Defending my Unlife

April 2001

By: Patty Costantino

Chapter 2

Unbeknownst to Nick, a certain auburn haired woman was stirring from a 
heavenly sleep in her luxurious suite at the Cascades Gardens, five blocks 
down from the Tides Inn. Natalie stretched, moaning softly, as she viewed 
her surroundings. The suite consisted of three rooms, living room furnished 
in colonial decor with a wet bar and a 24" T.V., hidden in an armoire; a 
master bedroom suite with an enormous bathroom equipped with a 
whirlpool/jacuzzi bath and separate shower; and a solarium with a private 
pool where she could go to sun bathe. If this world wasn't paradise, then 
what was? She had never envisioned heaven to be like this place.

Natalie sat up in bed as she raised her arms, stretching some more. Yes! 
This was quite a wonderful world she had been transported to. Funny though, 
she couldn't remember how she had arrived at Judgement City. How did she 
die? It was a perplexing question that needed to be answered. The guide 
wouldn't divulge anything to her except to say that her life would be judged 
in this city; then based on their findings, she would either move on or 
return to Earth.

Natalie shifted around, getting out of bed as she ran her hands swiftly 
through her long, unruly hair. 'What I need is a warm, soothing bath,' she 
thought as she strolled over to the bureau. Removing her nightgown, she 
pulled out some underwear and retrieved one of the tupas from the closet. As 
she ran the bath water, she strained to recall where she was when the 
transport occurred. Her mind was twisted and confused like an labyrinth of 
images which were trying to burst forth. Pinching the bridge of her nose 
with her thumb and forefinger as if to help the process, she opened her eyes 
wide suddenly as intermittent pictures came to the surface. Natalie could 
see herself in a morgue, cleaning up after Mr. Jones had been examined; she 
remembered he had died from a heart attack. As she was washing her hands, 
Pete walked in, saying that a bomb victim had just arrived.

The rushing water from the faucet brought her back to the present as she 
turned off the spigot to the tub. Climbing into the inviting water, Natalie 
closed her eyes as she thought more about those last moments on Earth. She 
had helped Pete move the body onto the morgue table as he'd said jokingly 
something about her preference to spending her 28th birthday examining this 
grotesque body to an outing at Pizza Palace. As Pete had turned to leave, 
he'd said, rubbing his hands together nervously, "At least, there's not much 
of a face to look at."

Reaching up to retrieve the soap, Natalie lathered it up good, running the 
delightful fragrance around her body. As she leaned back against the tub, 
her thoughts centered once again on her last minutes in Toronto. As she was 
reaching over to unzip the body bag, much to her relief, the phone rang. It 
was the main desk calling to verify the arrival of her lastest "patient". As 
she'd rested on the edge of her desk, shaking her leg up and down, Natalie 
had explained that the corpse had just been brought in for examination; 
she'd told them that she would be in touch. After taking the call, she had 
put on her gloves as she'd stood before the body. Exhaling slowly, she'd 
started to open the bag......then..nothing.

Natalie leaned forward in the tub, pulling up the plug as the water started 
to run out. Stepping out of the bath, she reached over for a soft fuzzy 
towel, hanging on a bar. As she rubbed herself dry with the towel, she 
attempted to recollect how she got from the morgue to the place with the 
light. Try as hard as she might, she couldn't remember how she died. Her 
last thoughts on Earth were of unzipping that body bag; then poof! Nothing! 
It was too bizarre to think about.

Her musings were shattered by the ringing of the phone by her bedside table. 
She moved hastily to the bed and picked up the receiver. "Hello?"

"Yes, Dr. Lambert. This is the desk calling. Hope you had a good rest," the 
clerk said cheerfully as he added, "You need to be in front of the hotel in 
one hour where the tram will be dropping you at Judgement Center: there, you 
will be meeting with your defense attorney, a Mr. Stevens."

"Do I need to take anything with me? a notepad? pens? Anything to take notes 
with?" she asked, twirling the cord in her hand.

"You won't be taking any notes, Dr. Lambert. Your lawyer will see to 
everything. May I also suggest you take advantage of our delicious champagne 
breakfast buffet in the Blue Room off the main lobby. The food is sublime, 
if I do say so myself."

"I will do just what you suggest and will be right down to indulge."

"By the way, doctor, I don't know if anyone told you this, but you can eat 
as much as you like here as you won't gain a pound," he said, chorkling, 
"and, of course, you don't have to worry about cholesterol, heart disease, 
stroke, now do you?"

"You mean to tell me, I can finally pig out and not gain weight?" she asked, 
her tone displaying incredulity

"Yes, ma'am, that's correct, so enjoy! Goodbye!"

Natalie said, with joy in her heart, "You have a great day! Goodbye!"

She hung up the phone and practically did a little jig around the room. 
'Imagine that! To be able to gorge oneself on any food. This was truly 
heaven!' she thought as she started to put on her tupa.

Defending my Unlife

April 2001

By: Patty Costantino

Chapter 3

As Nick sat in an overstuffed chair in front of his lawyer's office at 
Judgement Center, he glanced down at the selection of magazines, spread out 
on the coffee table. He picked up one, drawn to the cover with the gorgeous 
sunset and beautiful beach laced with palm trees. Reading the top of the 
page, he noticed the caption, "Above Hawaii." Nick snickered to himself as 
he looked over at the other magazines: each one of them prefaced the city or 
country on Earth with the word "Above." He was about to flip through the 
pages to "Above Paris", when a woman approached him.

"Mr. Knight, George Phillips will see you now," she announced.

Nick followed her into a spacious room with cherry wood-paneling on the 
walls. The furniture was nothing but the best; a massive mahogany desk 
rested in the center of the room with a rich dark brown leather swivel 
chair. To the right of the desk, a comfortable bright colored chinz sofa 
leaned against the wall, lovely mahogany end tables stood on either side. 
The walls were covered with several Impressionist paintings by Monet and 
Mary Cassatt.

A man in a charcoal gray business suit rose from his seat behind the desk as 
Nick entered the office. Extending his hand to him, the dark haired man 
greeted him in a cheerful manner. "Hello, Mr. Knight. George Phillips!"

"Hello, Mr. Phillips. Pleased to meet you." Nick reached out his hand to the 
lawyer, who shook it firmly.

George smiled, motioning Nick to a comfortable chintz chair in front of the 
desk. "Please call me George since we will be together the next 5 days," he 
offered, studying his new case. "May I call you Nick?" he asked.

"By all means," Nick agreed. He stared at his attorney as he asked, "You 
mentioned 5 days. Does that represent the number of days I will be on 
trial?"

George nodded, picking up a pencil on his desk and spinning it around. "The 
five days reflect the time allowed for a judgement hearing." He leaned over, 
cupping one hand around his mouth as he whispered, "But, Nick, we don't like 
to call it a trial. You are here to defend your life before a panel." He 
chorkled. "Or in your case your UN..life."

"Aa...ahh, I understand," Nick admitted. As he rubbed his thumbs and fingers 
together nervously, he inquired, "But, where am I? Is this heaven? Is 
this...hell?"

"Actually, there isn't any hell...although...I hear Los Angeles is getting 
pretty close," George said, suddenly bursting out with laughter. Nick 
nodded, showing a slight smile.

His attorney explained, "When you are born into this universe, you live many 
lifetimes. In your case, your last lifetime was longer than the norm. " He 
chuckled again. "After each lifetime, there is an examination period. We 
take a few of your Earth days and examine them to see if you should 
advance."

"Advance?" Nick asked, in a curious tone.

"Yes, the whole point of this process is to become smarter....to grow..to 
use as much of your brain as possible. For example, I use 50% of my brain. 
Do you know how much you use?"

Nick shrugged, hazarding a guess. "45%?"

George smiled, leaning back in his chair. "8%"

"Only 8%," he voiced.

"Don't take it personally, Nick. Most humans only use 3 to 5% of their's. 
Vampires normally use 8 to 10%."

"Oh, great! So I'm the dunce of my race!" he exclaimed, humiliated.

"Nick, don't think of yourself in that way. Your brainpower is there for the 
using; however, in your case, certain emotions have interfered with your 
higher level thinking."

"What do you mean?"

"Let me explain. You see, humans spend most of their time dealing with fear. 
Since you belong to a race which doesn't deal with this kind of emotion, you 
use slightly more brainpower, but you have other problems which hamper your 
advancement, Nick," he stated.

"What problems?"

"Guilt!" he answered, knowingly.

"But I'm a vampire. I have killed thousands of people...humans. How am I 
suppose to feel? If not guilty," he uttered with exasperation.

"Nick, I understand that you had to kill those people to survive. It was 
part of the Darwin theory...survival of the fittest. Part of your problem 
was letting your emotions interfere with your necessity to kill," George 
answered in a calm manner.*

"You mean that your race here at Judgement City condoned this behavior," he 
exclaimed as he stared at his lawyer.

"Yes, believe it or not, we agreed," he said, holding his hand up to Nick 
for silence. "We understand the need to survive in a world. Vampires have to 
ingest blood or they die. In your case, since you lived during centuries 
where only human blood was available directly from the source, we agreed 
that killing the victim was the only way to receive your nourishment. After 
a time, when other methods were available to your race like donated blood 
or...in your case," he wrinkled his nose, distastefully, "cow's blood, we 
condoned that process certainly more than the former."*

"Let me get this straight. I'm not here to be examined for murdering 
thousands of human lives, but for my emotional traumas, particularly, my 
angsting nature," he summarized, rolling his eyes.

"Yes, in a nutshell, you are one guilt-ridden individual. You have to 
understand, Nick, that guilt is like a giant fog..it sits on your brain and 
blocks everything...real feelings, true happiness, real joy. The brainwaves 
can't get through, but when the emotion is lifted, buddy, you are in for the 
ride of your life."

"So, this panel of judges will be examining my guilt strickened state for 
the last 800 years?" Nick inquired, trying to grasp what was expected in 
this hearing.

"They will take five days from your very long life, examine your guilt, and 
decide whether you are ready to move on."

"You keep saying, 'move on', where do I advance to?" he questioned with a 
bewildered expression on his face.

"You will go to the next level in the universe where you will use more of 
your brain and will learn more...you will grow and thrive."

"How many times have I been examined?" Nick asked, reluctantly.

"Approaching 20, I believe. For me, I was here 6 times before I moved on," 
George confessed.

"Oh, wonderful. So I am the biggest dolt around."

"No, don't think like that, Nick. With some, they have been here a 100 
times," he admitted as he added, "I wouldn't hang out with those guys, but 
for some, it takes longer."

"What happens when you fail to move on?" Nick asked in a tentative voice.

"You are returned to Earth to try again," George explained in a quiet tone.

"Will I return as a vampire?"

"Yes, because you will have to overcome your guilt," George responded. 
Thinking it was time to change the subject before this guy got too angsy, he 
added, "But don't worry about that now. Are you hungry? Have you gotten a 
chance to try our select vintages of blood?"

"I tried one bottle this morning and it was sensational. I thought human 
blood was marvelous, until I tried the bottled variety around here," Nick 
admitted, with a gleam in his eye at the memory.

"Glad you enjoyed the moment," he said and added quickly, "Don't feel guilty 
because it was all donated." George stood up from his chair, coming around 
to Nick as he extended his arm towards the door. "Shall we go get something 
to eat and we can talk some more about your case," he suggested.

*********************************

George took Nick to a restaurant down the street from Judgement Center. 
Tuscarora's turned out to be a very popular establishment where many 
attorneys took their clients for lunch. Entering the entranceway, Nick could 
see that the decor was mostly Victorian, with Tiffany lamps adorning the 
round Cherry wood tables. Overstuffed brightly colored chairs surrounded the 
oval tables as waitresses and waiters hurried along to attend to the large 
crowd. To the left of Nick, a ornately carved bar stood majestically, in all 
probability made of fruitwood. The two main carvings at either end of the 
bar depicted Nymphs which were riding Unicorns. Tiffany lamps were draped 
intermittently along the marble surface. An enormous gilded Venetian glass 
mirror hung from a mahogany wood paneled wall behind the bar. The maitre d' 
approached, handing menus to a waiter, who led them through the maze of 
tables to a garden patio behind the restaurant.

The cobblestone terrace offered an enchanting view of exotic plant and 
animal life. Ponds filled with lily pads and golden colored carp were 
evident amongst the aromatic flowers. Grecian urns, representing cherubs, 
stood regally next to these ponds, trickling water down from their marble 
mouths. The garden was surrounded by a high stone wall, covered in ivy.

The waiter sat them at a wicker table and chairs, handing the menus to the 
two gentlemen. "I'll give you a moment to decide what you would like."

As Nick settled in the chair, he heard a deep throated laugh coming from a 
group of four people, sitting across from them. Glancing up from his menu, 
his eyes beheld a vision: a woman dressed in a tupa was sitting with three 
men, who were wearing dark business suits. She appeared to be the center of 
attention, spinning an interesting tale, no doubt, as they suddenly broke 
out in laughter. Her laugh could be heard above all the others, being so 
genuine and lyrical to the ears. Upon closer examination, he noticed that 
she had long, auburn curls, reaching past her shoulder blades, deep blue 
round eyes and smooth, creamy skin like satin. As if sensing intuitively his 
gaze, she looked up to stare at him. Their eyes met for one brief moment as 
she broke out into a warm smile which seemed to light up her entire 
countenance. Nick smiled back, suddenly feeling a sense of deja vu. For an 
instant, he thought that he had known her at sometime or somewhere, but for 
the life of him, he couldn't remember. He shook his head as he came back to 
reality, the moment passing swiftly from his mind.

The woman had risen with the rest of the group, shaking hands with the men 
as they led her through the garden to the interior of the restaurant. As she 
moved away, Nick continued to watch her. The tupa seemed to cling to her, 
accentuating her shapely figure. George glanced up from his menu to observe 
Nick's roving eyes to the attractive woman. "Tupas, as a general rule, don't 
always look flattering on people. On her though, it certainly looks good, 
doesn't it?" he concluded, smiling.

"mmmmmm...," Nick murmured, staring as she exited the patio. Finally, coming 
out of his reflections, he smiled over at his lawyer. "Yes, some people look 
great in those outfits."

"I couldn't help but notice that she has Larry Stevens and his team for her 
defense. Larry uses 54% of his brain. Top notch guy, in fact. She has the 
best around," he acknowledged.

"And," Nick asked in a teasing fashion, "how about my attorney? Do I have 
the second best around?"

George smiled. "Don't worry. I've got a reputation of winning most of my 
cases. You are in good hands, my friend."

"I have no doubt you are good. I'm the problem," he said, contritely.

"Hey, don't get angsy with me, fella. You can appear saddened by what you 
became, a vampire, or what you did in your lifetime, but you can never show 
the judges your guilt," George responded with vehemence.

"Easier said than done." Nick frowned. "I'll try to do as you say."

"Good, now order whatever type of bottled vintage you want from the menu."

Reviewing the selection, Nick couldn't believe his eyes as the list 
reflected an assortment of human (or in this case) higher being's blood. 
Beside each item, the restaurant had identified their brainpower and their 
accomplishments. For example, one chap used 55% of his brain and was 
musically inclined.

"The management of this establishment knows what I am?" Nick asked, waving 
the menu at George.

"They know about everyone who comes to Judgement City. It's part of their 
training program. Don't concern yourself. They don't care if you are not 
human, they are here to serve you. So, order whatever you want, but may I 
suggest that you don't order someone's blood based on their high 
brainpower."

"Why?" he queried, surprised.

"Because it can overwhelm your system at first when you sample higher brain 
types. Go for around 50% or lower for the time being," George explained in a 
patient manner.

"Okay," Nick consented, amiably.

The waiter strolled over to their table and took their orders. After he 
moved away, Nick leaned forward in his chair. "I wanted to ask you more 
about my hearing. Will their be a prosecutor?"

George studied his client for a long moment. "Yes, her name is Judy Miller. 
I've worked with her before. They call her the Dragon Lady."

"Is that suppose to make me feel better, having a tough lady prosecutor?"

"I'll put your mind at ease and say that I have won many cases against her. 
I know her weaknesses," George acknowledged.

"Oh? What are they?" Nick asked, arching his eyebrows.

"Let's just say she has them. Okay? I don't want to burden you with them at 
the moment."

Nick shrugged. "All right. I'll take your word for it."

Their food arrived at that second, so they turned their attention to eating. 
As he examined George's order, Nick noticed he had a brown clump of some 
strange food on his plate. He was stirring it around with his fork, then 
picking up a morsel and taking a bite of the interesting substance, he 
smiled in satisfaction as he ate the food.

Nick asked, intrigued, "What is that food you are eating?"

George smiled. "You are a curious sort of fella, aren't you? It's something 
that we, beings, like to eat around here. You wouldn't like it. In fact, 
humans think it tastes like horse sh*t."

Nick looked at George's plate distastefully, drinking from his wine glass. 
"Smart people eat food that tastes like sh*t," he said in a sarcastic way. 
"How can you eat that stuff?" he inquired in wonder.

"Oh, over time, with our increased brainpower, our race has been able to 
manipulate the taste of certain foods. To us, this substance is very 
palatable to our taste buds. To a human, who lacks sufficient brainpower to 
manipulate the taste, the food is awful," he explained patiently.

Nick nodded in understanding, sipping from his glass. He decided to return 
to the discussion of the upcoming hearing. "You said in your office that 
certain days of my life will be reviewed at this hearing. Do we know which 
days will be covered in advance?"

"No, the prosecutor has the prerogative to select which days to review. We 
won't know until your hearing tomorrow morning."

"I see, so it could be any day in my entire 800 years. Wow! Process of 
elimination will be an impossiblity, won't it?" he snickered, a touch of 
sarcasm in his voice.

"I suppose.... but again, don't worry so much about the hearing. Remember, 
as long as you follow my lead during the session, everything should go 
smoothly."

George wiped his face with his napkin as he pushed his chair away from the 
table, standing as if to leave. Regarding Nick, he said earnestly, "I have 
complete faith that you will come through with shining colors. See you 
tomorrow at 10:00 in my office. We'll go down to the courtroom together."

Nick came around the table, shaking George's hand vigorously, "Thanks for 
your support. I'll see you tomorrow."

As he started to leave the patio, George turned back to Nick. "Say! You know 
what you might like to do this evening. Go over to the Past Lives Pavilion 
at the Town Square."

"What is the Past Lives Pavilion?"

"It's where you get to see what other lives you have lived."

Nick exclaimed, astonished, "You are telling me that I've actually lived 
other lives that I can see on a screen?"

"Yes, folks get a real charge out of it. Go and enjoy."

As George departed, Nick sat back down in his seat, waving to the waiter for 
another refill......

************************

*Note to reader: I wanted to clarify that these supreme beings don't hold 
the same value system as humans would. They don't feel that Nick should show 
so much guilt about all these killings as we, humans would think he should. 
These Elders would put Nick and other vampires at the top of a food chain on 
Earth where they would need to feed on humans for nourishment and they feel 
that Nick shouldn't get so angsy about it.

Defending my Unlife

April 2001

By: Patty Costantino

Chapter 4

Sauntering along a sidewalk, Nick approached the Town Square where the Past 
Lives Pavilon stood next to a lake, filled with white, graceful swans, ducks 
and drakes, looking for their early evening meal. A wooden bench was 
positioned a few feet from a grassy bank, leading down to the water's edge. 
As Nick sat down, a squawking ensued above his head as a flock of Canadian 
geese flew in a magnificent V in the darkening sky. Looking for a pond to 
land in and seeing many occupants in this one, the geese moved on, hoping 
for better luck at the next watering hole. Nick sighed, taking in the beauty 
of the scene.

After leaving the restaurant, he had spent the remainder of the day, 
exploring the city. The library had turned out to be a few blocks from 
Judgement Center, so Nick had occupied some of the day, reading archaeology 
materials. After a time, he'd left the library to enjoy the outdoors. Even 
though, the sunlight wasn't real, Nick had lavished in the warmth and luster 
of the sun on his face. He had also found the colors around him were more 
vibrant. As a vampire, images had always been sharpened through his superior 
senses; colors were more vivid; pictures more acute, but the sunlight had 
magnified the images two-fold.

Because of the magnification of sunlight, he was becoming bombarded by the 
brightness, so he'd thought he would look for some sunglasses. He'd found a 
shop around the corner which carried them. Entering the store, he'd found 
the pair he'd wanted. As he'd walked up to the counter, he'd rummaged 
through his pocket, instinctively looking for money.

The clerk had smiled, "I like the gesture all the same, sir, but I don't 
think you will find anything. We don't use money around here. Our society 
uses a bartering system. If you provide us with the name of your attorney, 
he will take care of it."

"I keep forgetting that I'm not on Earth anymore; that your society has 
different rules to abide by," Nick had grinned, taking the package from the 
clerk. "Thanks and have a good day!"

"Same to you sir!"

After leaving the tiny shop, Nick had strolled down the street where he'd 
encountered a museum. Gaping at the object in front of the building, he'd 
decided that he should see this exhibit. As he'd walked past the 1965 
Mustang convertible, he'd entered through the double doors. Nick had spent 
two hours, looking on with delight at the multitude of vintage cars on 
display: he'd even managed to find some 1960-1965 Cadillacs.

Suddenly remembering the '62 Caddy, he'd sighed. He had purchased that 
classic automobile from a dealer in Toronto two months before his demise, 
then the bomb explosion occurred, taking his life and sending him to this 
place. 'How could it have happened?' he'd wondered again. In the past, when 
he'd become injured, he would have always regenerated, drinking blood in the 
process. Why was this instance different? Perhaps, George would know the 
answer. He'd discuss this perplexing situation with him soon.

As he sat on the bench, now, Nick comtemplated what he needed to do in court 
tomorrow in order to move on. He certainly didn't want to return to Earth as 
a vampire. For almost 800 years, he had been struggling to regain his 
mortality: now that it was within his grasp, he couldn't imagine 
relinguishing it again. Someway, he would have to refrain from showing his 
emotions, his angsting state in particular, to the judges; especially the 
prosecutor. He had always been adept at hiding his feelings from 
unsuspecting individuals, except when it came to guilt. LaCroix, especially, 
saw through him like a crystal ball foretelling someone's deepest, intermost 
secrets to the world. He would have to try harder to fool these people.

As he admired the breathtaking colors forming in the west, the purples, 
oranges and reds painted across the clear sky like one of his many canvases, 
he spotted a woman on the opposite side of the lake. She was throwing some 
bread crumbs to the birds on the water, walking along the edge of the shore 
towards him. There was something familiar about her which he couldn't quite 
place. Regarding her closely, he realized where he had seen her....at the 
restaurant, Tuscorara's, earlier in the day.

As she continued her walk towards him, totally occupied with her task at 
hand, Nick couldn't refrain from looking at her. His dark shades allowed him 
the luxury of studying her, savoring every movement, every little nuance: 
the way she cooed to the birds to cajole them to eat, the way she tilted her 
head towards the sky, a peaceful expression coloring her face, the way she 
brushed a strand of hair from her eye and wrapped it around her ear. These 
gestures were so endearing, they tugged at his heart. She continued to walk 
along the shore, throwing crumbs onto the shimmering surface. As she looked 
up, she captured the direction of his stare, their eyes locking onto each 
other for a second, then she moved briskly towards him.

As she approached the bench, Nick stood, removing his glasses and extending 
his hand. "Hello."

She shook his hand vigorously as she gave him a hard look. "Do we know one 
another?" she inquired, smiling.

"No, I don't think so," he said, uncertain of his own answer. "Though I did 
see you at Tuscorara's during lunchtime today. Remember? In the garden?" he 
confessed.

She answered slowly, unsure this meeting was their first, "Yes, I guess.... 
that's where I saw you, but I have this funny feeling we have met before."

"I had the same feeling this afternoon when I spotted you, but I suppose we 
can only chalk it up to deja vu?" he surmised.

"Yes, I suppose....she hazarded, her face taking on a distant look, then 
shaking her head, she introduced herself. "By the way, my name is Natalie 
Lambert."

"Nick Knight. Nice to meet you," he said, then gesturing at the bench, he 
offered, "Would you like to sit down?"

"I would love to. Thanks!" she replied.

As they sat next to each other, Nick inhaled, sighing softly, as he captured 
the lovely fragrance of this woman, a smell of apricots. It was 
intoxicating...so fresh and clean like spring water.

"Isn't it glorious?" she asked breathlessly, unmindful of his sudden 
interest in her aroma.

Stirring from his momentary distraction, he followed her eyes to a 
breathtaking sight. As the sun began to set, the sky had erupted into a 
rainbow of brilliant colors: reds, oranges, purples, pinks, yellows seemed 
to pepper the universe.

"Yes, I have to agree. It is beautiful. Sunsets shouldn't be taken for 
granted."

"I couldn't agree more."

Twilight descended around them as street lights blinked on. The sky darkened 
even further.

He asked, studying her in a different way. "Why are you so interested in 
sunsets?"

"Because when I was alive...hard to adjust to saying that.... I used to work 
the nightshift," she said quietly. "I was a pathologist, who worked for the 
County Coroner's Office, so I'd never get much of an opportunity to enjoy 
sunsets. I didn't realize until now, how much I missed them.

"You were a doctor?"

"Yeah, one, who tucked their patients in at night for good." She giggled.

Nick smiled, warmed by her infectious charm. "You didn't mind working in a 
morgue?"

"No, not really. Well, don't get me wrong...sometimes the place got a bit 
depressing....seeing all the violence that people could inflict on one 
another was a bitter pill to take, but you became desensitized. Besides, by 
aiding in the capture of a potential criminal, I believed I was contributing 
something to society....in my own little way."

Natalie looked over at him. He had a faraway look in his eye. Reaching over, 
she touched his shoulder gently, baffled. "Are you okay?"

As Nick came out of his musings, he grinned in a boyish way, causing her 
heart to jump. "Sorry. I get that way sometimes."

"I thought I had said something to disturb you."

"No, like you, I always wanted to give back to society. I was reflecting on 
whether I gave as much as I took. I think I was still in the red, taking 
more than giving, when I died." He laughed, his tone carrying traces of 
bitterness.

"But, by the sound of your voice, you were at least trying to make a mark, 
trying to help others," she proposed.

"I suppose," he said thoughtfully. "Did you leave anyone behind?" Nick 
asked, changing the subject.

"Yes," she sighed sadly, "I left behind a brother, Richard: we were so 
close. He was the general prosecutor for the jurisdiction I worked in...they 
called us a brother/sister team. I autopsied victims, he saw justice served 
on them....God, I miss him ...I hope he will be okay."

"I'm sure he will be fine," he soothed.

"I hope so. We were only two years apart in age. I use to fix him up with my 
girlfriends from my first year of Med School, but he had his eyes on Sarah 
Middleton, his college sweetheart.. He married her during Law School and a 
year later, Amy came along, my niece. Beautiful child, with long blond hair 
and blue eyes. She took after Richard."

She suddenly stared at Nick, tilting her head. "You know. I can't help, but 
notice how much you resemble my brother. You have the same hair and eye 
color as he did." Feeling that she had been too bold in her statement, an 
embarrassed blush began to surge through her cheeks and neck.

As he noticed the sudden flush to her face, he took a deep breath. God, she 
was pretty!

"Did you leave any other loved ones behind other than your brother and his 
family?" he inquired, attempting to concentrate on asking more questions 
about her most recent life rather than studying her delightful features.

"No, if you're wondering if I were married, the answer is no. It's not that 
I wouldn't have liked to marry someday. It's just that, Med School, 
interning, residency and working nights at the morgue weren't exactly 
condusive to long-term relationships. I didn't have much time for affairs of 
the heart," she said regretfully. "I thought there would be more time. You 
don't think your life will end at 28, now do you? I am only sorry I never 
had a chance to leave a part of me behind...to have children, who could live 
on in you."

"Yeah, I can relate to what you are saying....I, myself, never had 
children...it would have been wonderful..," he said, regret in his voice, 
"but I chose another path.

"What path was that, if I may be so bold?"

"Oh...the wrong one, but let's not talk about that now," he said, standing 
up abruptly. "Would you like to take a walk?"

"I would love to, but, unfortunately, I have a cocktail party to attend with 
someone this evening and I must get back to my hotel to change."

He teased, trying to suppress his jealousy, "You have been here a day and 
you have already met someone else?"

"Actually the *someone*, you are referring to, happens to be my attorney: 
Larry Stevens," she replied, grinning. "He is having a small gathering of 
his associates and invited me to come along. He's absolutely brilliant. Do 
you know how big his brain is?"

"No, how big?" he asked, politely.

Natalie brought her hands up to her chest, spreading them a foot apart. 
"*That* big. I feel so fortunate to have him for my lawyer."

Rising from the bench, Natalie started to walk with Nick along the sidewalk. 
As they strolled along, he queried, "How many days of your life are the 
judges reviewing?"

"Probably 3 or 4. Larry says that's good. He thinks this time I will be 
moving on."

"Great, my situation doesn't look so promising. I guess I'll be writing you 
letters in hell," he stated, his voice betraying a tone of pessimism.

Natalie laughed. "It can't be all that bad. You'll probably manage to 
convince them with your wonderful charm." She couldn't believe she had made 
that remark. What had gotten into her? She had never behaved so flirtatious 
with another man before. What made this so different?

"I hope you're right," he said. They had arrived at Natalie's hotel. As they 
stood in front and regarded one another, Nick turned away suddenly 
embarrassed as he asked, "Will you be free after your session tomorrow?" He 
paused, slightly reticent as he suggested, "Would you like to meet me at the 
lake again at sunset? Or....," he said, in a teasing way, "perhaps you're 
meeting Larry again. I just know you are ruthlessly dating your defender."

She responded, breaking out into an enchanting smile, "I would love to.... 
and no, I'm not dating my attorney."

Nick walked her into the lobby of her hotel, staring in awe at the 
glamourous surroundings. He commented as he whistled. "Are you staying 
here?"

"Yes, it's wonderful. How about you? Are you living in the lap of luxury?"

"Oh.....yes," he said, a touch of sarcasm in his tone. "My place is 
so...marvelous. Come by tomorrow, we are painting the outside. It's the 
shantytown of Judgement City."

"Very funny. Well...," she hesitated, looking up into his deep blue 
eyes....oh my!....she could get lost in those eyes. Suddenly a wave of self 
consciousness overtook her and she began to study her feet. "See you 
tomorrow. Same time, same place."

"See ya."

He turned to leave as she called over his shoulder.

"Good luck in court tomorrow."

He replied sincerely, "You, too. Knock them dead. No pun intended."

She watched him leave, continuing to look at him until he disappeared around 
the corner. Sighing, she spotted the elevator door opening as she scurried 
to it.....

Defending my Unlife

April 2001

By: Patty Costantino

Chapter 5

As he walked down a long, narrow, white corridor with his lawyer, Nick 
asked, "How many judges will be in the courtroom, today?"

George looked at him, smiling, "Usually, there are two judges per defendent. 
Your case shouldn't be any different, Nick." Sensing his nervousness, the 
friendly attorney changed the subject. "Say, what did you do last night? Did 
you go to the Past Lives Pavillon?"

"No, I didn't, but I met an amazing woman and..."

"You've been here two days and you already met a woman," he said in a tone 
of surprise. "You sure work fast. This woman wouldn't be the lovely lady we 
saw yesterday at Tuscorara's?"

"Yes, she's the one. I can't keep any secrets from you," he admitted, a warm 
smile plastered to his face. "I'm seeing her this evening, in fact."

"Have you told her about your..."

"If you mean, have I mentioned that I'm a vampire...no."

"Nick, let me give you some advise. Trust and communication are the keys to 
any good, solid relationship. If you like this woman, you need to tell her 
everything," he suggested kindly.

"I know, it's sort of hard for me to open up," he admitted. "I plan to tell 
her this evening."

"Good for you." George slapped him on the back.

At that moment, they had reached some dark, oak doors, leading into the 
courtroom. Pushing them open, George took several strides over to a small 
rectangular desk with a chair on the left side of the room. As he sat, he 
waved Nick to a wide, leather, swivel armchair in the center of the vast 
courtroom.

No sooner had he taken his seat, then a dark, short haired woman entered, 
wearing a striking navy blue suit. She was petite, not more than 5'3" and 
thin. She walked briskly, possessing a confidence born from many successes, 
as she approached Nick. Barely able to rise, he extended his hand, shaking 
her's firmly. "Nick Knight.. and you are...Miss Miller?

"Mr. Knight, a pleasure," she stated in a very professional way.

Moving to the desk across from George, she opened her briefcase, removing a 
stack of papers as she slid into her chair. Efficiency was the best word to 
describe this lady. She studied George for a moment. "You had a good case 
last week: the Lombardi one. Remember?"

George answered, proudly, "Yes, we got you on the last screening, didn't 
we?" He chuckled.

Pointing her fingers at him, she warned, with an unwavering look . "I'm 
going to get you."

Nick pondered this confrontation between them as he strode over to George. 
Leaning over, he whispered, "Are you two feuding?"

"No, a feud is where two people liked each other at one point. We never 
did," he conceded. Throwing up his hands, Nick looked at the ceiling. "This 
is just great! You both hate one another and I'm sunk. I think this should 
be a mistrail, don't you George?"

"Sit down, Nick. Don't worry! Everything is going to be fine," George 
asserted in a calm tone.

Shaking his head, he walked back to his seat as a woman and man appeared 
through the double doors, wearing long, flowing, black robes. Rushing to the 
long, rectangular table behind him, they took their seats. As they regarded 
Nick, the female judge nodded, "Good day, Mr. Knight, Miss Miller and Mr. 
Phillips."

The other judge piped up, "Mr. Knight, has Mr. Phillips explained the 
examination to you thoroughly?"

"I believe that I understand that I am here to defend my life based on my 
guilt complex," he stated.

"That is correct. If no one has any questions, then you may proceed, Miss 
Miller."

The self-assured prosecutor stood, advancing towards Nick. She proceeded, 
addressing everyone in the room. "The prosecution will demonstrate to this 
court that although Mr. Knight possesses some admirable qualities as a 
vampire, his ongoing guilt stricken state has been a burden to him. It is 
the belief of this court that Mr. Knight will need to return to earth to 
overcome this continuous state of mind which has plagued him for centuries." 
She turned to face the blank screen as she continued. "For my first example, 
I would like to present a flashback to the court, showing Mr. Knight before 
he became a vampire. The day was 13/10/02."

"Mr. Knight, the numbers 13/10/02 mean you were 13 years, 10 months and 2 
days old. Understand?" the male judge explained.

"Yes, I understand," he said.

The prosecutor proceeded. "In the court's opinion, this one event that we 
are about to observe haunted Mr. Knight throughout his entire lifetime; it 
catapulted him into the continuous direction of contrition which has 
consumed him for almost 800 years. On this particular day, Mr. Knight took 
his younger brother and sister, Antoine and Fleur, respectively on a walk of 
the deBrabant grounds. It was winter and they had just arrived at a frozen 
lake. Without further ado, I would like to run the tape."

The female judge looked over at Nick. " What you are about to see, Mr. 
Knight, may disturb you as it will appear to be quite real. Are you ready?"

"I think so," he replied, his voice denoting uncertainty.

The screen suddenly came to life, as Nick swiveled his chair around to 
review the flashback....

***********Flashback: DeBrabant estate December 01, 1206************

Fleur studied the frozen pond as she reached down to retrieve a twig, 
snapping it in two. Antoine gazed out across the lake at the empty wheat 
fields, contemplating what he wanted to do. Turning to Nicholas, he smiled 
enthusiastically, "Let's go skating across the lake. It's been so bitterly 
cold the last few days; the water appears to be quite solid. What do you 
think, Nicholas?"

Nicholas examined the water, tapping his foot on the ice. "It seems to be 
solid, but I don't think we should hazard a try, Antoine. Let's go around 
the pond and venture out to the fields."

Before he could lead them on, Nicholas turned to see Fleur running up a path 
into the woods. "Stay right here, Antoine. I will see what mischief your 
sister has found."

As he ran after her, Antoine turned back to the lake. He stepped, 
tentatively onto the surface. Seeing that it was firm, he moved out to the 
middle, sliding along as he went.

Meanwhile, Nicholas found Fleur chasing a deer into the forest. As he swung 
her around, he said, an edge of firmness to his tone, "Don't ever run off 
like that again," then a softness entered his voice as he suggested, "Let's 
go back to your brother."

"Sorry, Nicholas. I couldn't resist the beautiful sight of the doe. I wanted 
to see if she had a fawn."

At that moment, a shriek came from the lake. Nicholas and Fleur ran down to 
the water's edge. Horror-strickened, they gaped at the sight before them. 
Their brother had made it out to the middle of the lake, where the ice had 
given way. Antoine was trying desperately to tread water, to stay afloat. 
After a brief hesitation, Nicholas raced back to the forest, retrieving a 
long, narrow branch, returning to the pond. He attempted to step onto the 
ice, but cracks spread everywhere like millions of spiderwebs. He laid down 
in the snow at the edge of the lake, extending the branch out to his 
brother.

"Try to grap hold of the branch, Antoine," he yelled.

His brother moved towards the branch through the thick ice. He couldn't 
quite reach it, as he seemed to be tiring quickly from all the exertion. 
Nicholas surmised that his brother was close to unconsciousness. He cried, 
tapping the branch on the surface, attempting to get his attention, 
"Antoine, listen to me. You have to grab the branch. I will pull you to 
shore."

There was no response. He yelled again, desperately pounding the branch on 
the ice and reaching over as far as he could, "Antoine! You must grab hold."

Suddenly, his brother, no longer possessing the strength or will to stay 
afloat, slipped under the ice. In disbelief, Nicholas looked on as he 
screamed, "No!"

Unable to admit defeat, he removed his cape and heavy belt as he stepped on 
the lake, immediately causing the ice to break. As he waded through the 
bitterly frozen water to the spot where his brother had gone under, Nicholas 
dove frantically under the surface, oblivious to the extreme sub-freezing 
temperature. After many attempts, he found him in the center of the lake. As 
he wrapped his arms across Antoine's chest, he swam back to shore. He 
dragged him to the flat, snowy bank, gently lowering him to the ground. 
Retrieving his cape, he enveloped his brother in it, rubbing his legs and 
arms to increase circulation. After a while, Nick leaned over him, checking 
on his breathing. Moving closer to his mouth, he felt no air escaping from 
his lips. Frantic with concern, Nick shook his brother's shoulders, somehow 
thinking the motion would awaken him. The realization that his ministrations 
were futile were now apparent to him. He lifted Antoine's head to his chest 
as a heartrending cry escaped his lips.

****************flashback continued: 2 days later*************

A blond haired woman approached the wooden oak paneled door, carrying a tray 
laden with food. Knocking tentatively, she called. "Nicholas, it is I, your 
mother. I have brought you some dinner, please open the door."

An oppressing silence ensued as she tapped on the wood again. "I beseech you 
to stop this incessant brooding, my son. You can not blame yourself for your 
brother's death as he was responsible for his own actions."

As she continued to talk to him, a figure could be seen on the other side of 
the door, tightly wrapped up in a ball like a cocoon. As his mother 
continued to speak, he turned away from her voice, the horse hair mattress 
crinkling under his weight, as he faced the wall, staring into an abyss....

***************end of flashback*****************

As the lights flickered on in the courtroom, Nick looked up, his eyes 
brimming with tears. The pictures had been so real as if the tragedy had 
just occurred. So many emotions were assaulting his senses; so many painful 
memories of his brother were overwhelming his mind....It was becoming 
difficult to breath like an insurmountable weight being pressed down on his 
chest. He regarded his lawyer, trying with extreme difficulty to regain his 
composure.

Miss Miller walked around to the front of her desk, leaning against the 
side. "Mr. Knight, I must apologize. Showing this particular episode in your 
life has undoubtedly caused you to grieve again. Though it reflected a 
difficult moment in your life, I wanted to show this specific instance as an 
example of your preponderance for feeling the necessity to take 
responsibility for another's actions, to blame yourself for their mistakes."

"Your honor, the tape does not reflect Mr. Knight's guilt in this situation. 
Observance of this tragedy showed a little boy trying his utmost to rescue 
his brother and seeing him grieve." George argued, emphatically.

Regarding Nick closely, Miss Miller stood in front of him, crossing her arms 
in front of her chest. "Mr. Knight, suppose you tell us what your feelings 
were when this tragedy occurred?"

He looked over at George, who nodded in encouragement. "I would have to 
agree with Mr. Phillips. I was terribly saddened by the loss of my younger 
brother." Taking a deep breath, he said. "I would say 'grief' is a good word 
to describe what I was enduring at the time."

As she threw her hands up in disappointment, Miss Miller walked around to 
her chair, sitting down again. "You mean to tell me that you didn't feel the 
least bit guilty for what transpired?" she pressed.

Before Nick could speak, George asserted. "Mr. Knight tried to save his 
brother; he went to great lengths to do everything he could humanly do to 
rescue him. Why would he blame himself when he had done all that he could?"

Miss Miller stared at Nick's attorney for a long moment. "Oh, I don't know. 
Maybe because it is Mr. Knight's nature to angst, to feel guilty for other 
people's actions." She uttered, sarcastically.

"That is complete heresay. There is no evidence on this tape to substantiate 
your statement!" he vocalized.

The male judge said, "You are correct, Mr. Phillips. Strike what Miss Miller 
previously implied. Are there any more comments to make on this situation 
before we continue?

A sudden quietness descended on the courtroom, as the judge continued, 
"Okay, let's proceed to the second example, Miss Miller."

"The next segment of Mr. Knight's life had occurred during his vampire 
existence when he had reached a decision to kill only the undesirables, the 
objectable people in society. In tape, 582/10/25 Mr. Knight had been 
watching a potential American spy for the British for the last few days. The 
scene had played out two days before George Washington's legendary crossing 
of the Delaware River during the American Revolution. Mr. Knight had 
enlisted as a Colonel in the General's Army to fight against the British. 
The famous secret crossing could have been in jeopardy if this spy had 
admitted to the Enemy the American's plan. So, let's watch the scene unfold.

**************Flashback: Near Trenton, December 23, 1776************

As the sun peered over the east, Nicholas opened and shut the heavy door to 
his quarters, closing the drapes around the small, austere, premises, 
shutting out the threatening rays. He had been gone longer than he had 
wished. The rendezvous at Pike's Point had occurred later than he'd 
initially anticipated. The messenger, Roberts, had met with four British 
officers almost one hour later, the meeting taking only a few minutes as he 
presented papers to the officer in command; the documents that would seal 
his fate: his death. Nicholas was certain now of Roberts' treason: he'd 
strongly believed that he had been providing information of Washington's 
manuevers to the British for months. Suddenly, hearing footsteps on the 
stairs, Nicholas looked up, grimacing as he beheld LaCroix.

"What are you doing here, LaCroix?" he asked with disdain.

"Is that anyway to greet your Elders, Nicholas; especially someone who you 
have not seen for years?" he answered with feigned hurt in his voice.

"Has it been years? It seems like just yesterday we were together," he 
sighed, sitting in a chair. "The Seven Years War, wasn't it? I seem to 
recall you became disgusted by the swill of carnage that you had to feed on 
towards the end of the war. Where did you go after that?"

"I returned to Paris where the life was much more enticing to drink in," he 
smirked. Taking in the simple surroundings of the room, LaCroix said, a edge 
of sarcasm to his voice, "I can see that Paris would have done you some 
good. Really, Nicholas! Why do you persist in living such a bleak existence, 
when there are so many finer things in life? This shack is utterly 
distasteful."

"I find it meets my satisfaction. I don't always require pretentious 
surroundings to enjoy life."

"Yes, I suppose you get greater satisfaction out of catching spys for the 
Continental Army. Isn't that right, Nicholas?"

His eyes grew large with surprise as he inquired cautiously, "What do you 
know about my nocturnal visits to the British camp?"

"Oh come, Nicholas. When will you learn that I always find out about your 
foolhardy exploits. This situation is no different. Let's analyze the 
circumstances, shall we? You have decided that your new career in life 
should be patriotism; that liberty is the answer to everything. So, by 
taking on this new direction, you have enlisted in the army to aid in and 
defend these rebels in their quest for freedom."

"Yes, I believe that men should be allowed to chose a path without tyranny 
standing in the way."

Lacroix chuckled, "Nicholas, at least with tyranny, you know where you stand 
with the ruler of the government."

"You certainly do: a person is enslaved in that ruler's society," Nick 
countered."

"But, most people are like cattle Nicholas; they need for the elite to tell 
them what to do, where to go...a tyrannical government breeds a better, 
stronger society."

"No, I disagree. Tyranny fails because people become dissatified with 
suppression and desire liberty."

"Aa...hhhh, Nicholas. You always need to learn the hard way. Your patriotic 
comrades will win this war and establish a government where in the 
beginning, people will have their freedom. Over time, though, the government 
will stretch its puppetlike arms out to the populace, growing larger and 
breeding control and power over all," he paused. "I really did not intend to 
come here and discuss politics with you, Nicholas. Instead, I came to warn 
you.... If you intend to dispose of this potential spy, please use 
discretion. We don't want the Community to be alerted to one of your many 
blunders."

"Is that all you came to tell me, LaCroix?" he asked, his voice edged with 
distrust.

"I also thought you might allow me to stay the day here for old times sake 
and as a common courtesy."

Standing to ascend the stairs, Nicholas turned to his guest. "By all means, 
stay, but I expect you to be gone by this evening," he stated in an abrupt 
manner.

"Certainly, Nicholas. I have a special engagement with a fine lady in 
Philadelphia by the end of the week, so I need to depart tonight anyway."

"Take the cot in the second room on the right. Have a good rest, LaCroix." 
Nick climbed the stairs, entering the other room, closing the door behind 
him.

***********10:00 pm December 23, 1776************

Nicholas had been waiting for two hours, crouching in the bushes near the 
dusty road, leading to the British camp. He shook his head, wondering 
whether he had mistaken Robert's intent this evening: he felt sure that the 
spy would meet with the officers one more time before Washington's covert 
plan of crossing the Delaware tomorrow night and surprising the Hessian 
mercenaries on Christmas Day was instigated.

Hearing hoofbeats on the rough surface, he smiled as the messenger 
approached, carrying a sachel probably filled with vital information about 
Washington's campaign. Nicholas stepped out of his hiding place, the horse 
rearing up in front of him, causing Roberts to fall to the ground. Picking 
himself up, he stared at the man before him. "What are you doing here, 
Colonel Chevalier?"

"I could ask you the same question, Roberts. Taking a big risk, aren't you? 
...with the British camp only a mile from here?" Nicholas fixed him with a 
hardened look.

"Nervously running his fingers around his collar, Roberts answered, "It's 
not what you think, sir."

"Oh ....really," as he pulled the sachel from Robert's shoulder, examining 
the contents. Sliding the papers out and reading them, Nicholas said, 
accusingly, "I've been watching you. You are spying for the British, aren't 
you?"

"That's completely untrue, Colonel," he voiced! "I am under Washington's 
orders to provide these documents to the British as a ruse. If you look 
closely at them, you will see that these strategic battle points are a 
deception."

"I see from these documents that Washington doesn't plan to use these routes 
in his campaign to stop the enemy, but I've been studying you for days and I 
know that you are providing the British with important information about 
Washington's true campaign. These papers are your excuse, Roberts, your way 
to get close to the enemy, your opportunity to divulge the true plans to our 
enemy." Nicholas's eyes took on an amber hue as he spoke, "Do you know what 
happens to traitors, Roberts?"

"Traitor? I'm not a traitor. Oh God! Nicholas, is that what you think I have 
become?" he asked in horror. "You are wrong!" he answered emphatically.

Nicholas suddenly grabbed him from behind, exposing his neck to his 
elongated fangs. "Yes, I know what you are. You are the vermin that this war 
doesn't need!"

He reared his head back as he sunk his fangs deeply into the man, draining 
the life from him....

**************later that evening***********

As Nicholas sat at the large, wooden table in his quarters, the door opened 
as Lacroix entered quickly. He got right to the point of his visit.

"So you disposed of the disreputable fellow this evening?"

"Yes," Nick replied, his voice betrayed sadness.

"I was on my way to Philadelphia and I stopped briefly at Washington's camp. 
I couldn't help, but overhear a delightful conversation from two soldiers in 
General Washington's Army. It seems that Washington is quite perplexed as to 
what demise his messenger has succumbed to. Apparently, the good General did 
in fact send the so-called spy to the British as a ruse," Lacroix explained 
in a tone of amusement.

Nicholas looked at him in astonishment, then shrugged it off, as he replied, 
"He told me that himself, LaCroix. Doesn't mean that he wasn't a spy."

"Oh, but Nicholas, it doesn't mean he was a traitor, either," he argued. 
"But, I guess you will never know, now will you?...as the poor gentleman has 
met his maker, so to speak," Lacroix stated, the unanswered question hanging 
in the air. He studied Nicholas for an interminable moment, his lower lip 
curling into an amusing smirk.

A long silence followed, then LaCroix opened the door, disappearing into the 
darkness. Nicholas stared guiltly at the wall as laughter could be heard, 
emanating from outside.....

**************end of Flashback************

The pictures from the screen faded as the lights blinked on. Miss Miller 
came around her desk, facing Nick. "Now, Mr. Knight wouldn't you say that 
you were feeling a bit contrite after that episode. After all, you weren't 
sure that you had killed a spy, someone who was a threat to the secrecy of 
the campaign."

Goerge stood up, immediately taking offense, "Now wait a second. You are 
leading the defendant, Miss Miller."

The female judge responded, "I agree, Miss Miller, you are putting words 
into Mr. Knight's mouth."

George continued, "My client, here, wasn't feeling shame for what he 
did...oh..no. He was obviously sorrowful that this soldier had become a 
possible turncoat. Mr. Knight was doing what he thought was the right thing 
to do. Otherwise the entire Delaware crossing would have perhaps failed.

"And what did you feel, Mr. Knight, when you watched this tape," Miss Miller 
asked.

"I felt compelled to do my duty, although, I learned over time that it was 
hypocritical to kill anyone; that acting as judge and jury was the wrong 
route to take...but, whether Roberts was a spy or not, I felt only remorse 
in having to take any action at all."

"You didn't feel that what you did was a disgrace?"

"No. I think that I feel real good about the sadness idea," he repeated, as 
he glanced over at his attorney, who gave him a thumbs up motion.

Miss Miller frowned, knowing very well that Mr. Knight was not being honest 
about his true feelings. She took her seat. "I have no further questions for 
this defendant."

The male judge said, "Okay then. I believe we should reconvene tomorrow at 
10:00 am. Session adjourned."

Defending my Unlife

April 2001

By: Patty Costantino

Chapter 6

'What a day in court it had been!' Nick thought, as he leaned back on the 
hard bench, staring at the geese on the water, waiting for Natalie. 
Natalie....she would be a refreshing, delicious change from the emotional 
strife he had had to endure in the courtroom today. George wasn't kidding 
when he'd said Miss Miller was a dragon: it was almost like she could see 
right through him; his shame mirrored in his face for all to see. 
Especially, after having been subjected to the painful memories of his 
brother's death, he had found it practically impossible to suppress his true 
emotions: he'd known in his heart that he and only he had been responsible 
for Antoine's demise.

Antoine....he hadn't thought about his brother in all these centuries until 
today. A vampire's memory was perfect: always having instant recall to all 
events, however, the situations which had occurred during mortality had 
disappeared from his mind. He could not remember them or perhaps he didn't 
want to recall them; being as painful as they were. Until today, when 
everything had materialized on that screen, memories of his childhood had 
come crashing down on him in a flash.

After the hearing, George had told him that he'd thought it had gone well. 
Nick had hoped so, but it was such an uphill struggle for him. Could he 
continue to mask his feelings from the judges and the prosecutor? No telling 
what rabbits Miss Miller would pull out of her sleeve tomorrow. Nick 
suddenly heard a familiar heartbeat: he had only met Natalie yesterday, but 
her heartbeat was already pressed into his memory....such a warm, comforting 
sound. He turned instinctively to see her walking hastily towards him, 
waving and flashing that irresistible smile of hers.

"Hello, Nick. Sorry I'm late. I hurried as fast as I could. I didn't want to 
miss the sunset." She rushed up, standing next to the bench, pressing her 
hand up to her chest to catch her breath.

He stood up when she approached. "No, you came just in time. We have a few 
moments."

He grinned, motioning for her to sit down. As they both took a seat, he 
queried, "How did it go today, Natalie?"

"Wonderful. Larry says that we could wrap everything up day after tomorrow."

"Really," he said, disappointment reflected in his voice. "You will be 
moving on then in two days?" he concluded.

"Probably..... ," she stated in a careful manner. "One doesn't know for sure 
until the verdict is in, right?"

"I suppose so," he said glumly.

Detecting his depressed mood, she inquired, "Are you okay? Did you have a 
difficult session today?"

"It wasn't easy, although George thinks we did all right," he explained, 
trying to sound optimistic.

"Fear isn't something people can overcome so easily. I know, it's taken me 
many lifetimes to conquer."

"I'm not defending myself on my fears, Natalie; I'm defending my guilt," he 
stated, in a shameful tone.

"I don't understand. I thought every mortal was tried for their fears, not 
their guilt." She raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"I'm different....I mean, because of what I am, I have no problems with 
fear. My burden is guilt," he lamented.

"What do you mean by 'what you are'? You must share mortal fears like 
everyone else, don't you? Why would you be judged on the basis of your 
guilt?" She peered curiously at him. "After all, you couldn't be more than 
35. How much guilt could you possibly carry in your short lifetime?"

"A lot..... and my lifetime hasn't been that short." He paused: he hadn't 
planned to reveal his secret at this moment, but when would there be an 
auspicious time to let her know? He took a deep breath and said, "Natalie, I 
don't know any other way to tell you this, so I'm just going to spit it 
out." He faltered, his mouth becoming dry with fear.

Sensing his difficulty, she took his hand in hers as she said soothingly, 
"It's okay....you can tell me anything, Nick. Even though we have known one 
another for a short time, I already feel close to you... as if I've known 
you for a very long time." She got a faraway look in her eyes as if she were 
straining to recall something.

Squeezing his hand, in encouragement, she waited for him to continue. He 
said in a quiet tone, "Natalie, I'm different from you...I'm not a 
mortal...and I haven't been a mortal for a very long time. I'mm...." he 
stammered.

"It's okay....Nick," she smiled in a reassuring way.

He locked onto her eyes, never wavering in his gaze as he spoke, "I'm a 
vampire, Natalie."

She regarded him in amazement, but she never pulled her hand away. Instead, 
she asked calmly, "How long?"

"almost 800 years."

"800 years," she repeated. "Wow! You've probably seen so many unbelievable 
things.... places..........people in your lifetime.....the change of 
civilizations."

"Yes." He was surprised by her response. She didn't seem frightened, merely 
curious about his life. "But, you aren't afraid of me, now that I've told 
you what I am?"

"No, Nick..... I am ....intrigued. It's not everyday that I meet a vampire," 
she grinned, trying to lighten the mood. "Do you drink human blood?"

"I stopped drinking human 100 years ago....I was drinking cow blood on 
earth....But, when I came to this place, I was given donated blood." He 
smiled sheepishly. "It's delicious!"

"I bet! If it's anything like the food in this place, it's got to be 
scrumptious. I've always wanted to be able to gorge myself and I finally can 
without worry of weight gain. It's wonderful!" She giggled. Becoming 
serious, she noted, "You don't seem happy about the path you chose 800 years 
ago."

He sighed, "I have always felt I made a mistake becoming a vampire; I 
submitted to eternity during a weak moment in my life. If I could regain my 
mortality, I thought I could save my soul, so I tried over the centuries to 
find a cure."

"You never did though, and you died a vampire," she stated in a 
matter-of-fact tone.

"Yes,.... and I'm here to defend my guilt; I have plenty of shame to carry 
around with me for all eternity."

"But, you made the ultimate sacrifice not to take human lives any longer, to 
take only what you craved for nourishment," she insisted.

"Yes, but Natalie, I've killed thousands of people throughout the 
centuries," he argued.

"I have no doubt that you did kill because you needed the blood to survive, 
right?

"Yes, partly...but I became a monster by choice...." he stated vehemently. 
"You see Natalie, when I was a crusader in 1228, I was brought across by 
LaCroix because I....." as the sun crept below the horizon, he explained his 
life as a vampire; his moments with Lacroix and Janette, the people that he 
encountered over the years, his decision to terminate killing human life 
this last century, his quest for a cure with so many doctors, and his 
continual determination to atone for his sins; his unheeding quest to give 
back to society what he took. He elaborated on some of the darker moments in 
his life; expounding on the ruthless killings during the centuries. It felt 
so wonderful to unburden himself to someone. Without the threat of the 
Enforcers, he could finally talk to someone, who would listen....and she 
listened, fascinated by everything.

When he finally took a breath and stopped talking, Natalie asked, "Nick, if 
you have been atoning for your past trangressions this last century, don't 
you think your guilt can be appeased?

"No, before I died, Natalie, I felt that I still needed to make amends," he 
said with intensity of emotion. "After all, I spent centuries killing 
innocent people and reveling in the glory of killing ,so I felt that I had a 
lot more atoning to do.

"But, how long do you feel you need to give back to society, to try to seek 
redemption for your past sins? At what point, do you say you have given 
enough?

"I can't answer that question. Only God can make that decision."

"Do you *really* believe that God decides when we have atoned for our sins 
enough to earn His forgiveness? I don't believe that God works that way, 
Nick. He doesn't make the decision. *You* do. I feel that you have to decide 
at what point you have made enough amends for your past. You have to draw 
the line as to when you have more than made up for your transgressions. You 
see, Nick. I have always believed that you need to *ask* for forgiveness; 
that it isn't something that is *earned*. Until you reach down within 
yourself and find the strength to have your sins absolved by God, without 
feeling the necessity for reparation, then you won't feel *worthy* of asking 
for forgiveness. You need to get to that point in your life, Nick where 
guilt doesn't rule your life.

"It's not that easy to wipe out the past, especially when a vampire has 
total recall. I can remember everything vividly," he grinned. "By nature, I 
tend to brood anyway, so guilt is a part of my state of mind.

She replied, patting his hand again, "Putting your past behind you is a 
difficult challenge for anyone, but it can be done, Nick.

"I hope someday I can do just that, Natalie, but until then, I have to 
believe that my act of atonement is the right path to take; which will 
eventually lead me to find that peace, that state of grace.

She smiled at him, shaking her head, "It must have been all that Catholic 
upbringing in your household, right Nick?

"Yes, the church did have a way of making you feel guilty, but I think I 
came by it naturally," He smiled as he grabbed her hand, pulling her up 
suddenly. "Why don't we change the subject for the moment. I thought we 
could see the Past Lives Pavilion if you would like to join me."

"Great idea. Larry said mortals get a real charge out of seeing their past 
lives...." she paused. "Vampires, too....I bet you have had some interesting 
lives...They must go_way_back." She teased.

"Yeah, like to prehistoric times." He chuckled as they departed for the 
Pavilion.....

************************

As they were waiting in line to enter the Pavilion, Natalie turned to Nick, 
her voice carrying a tone of excitement as she spoke, "I've always wondered 
about reincarnation; what past lives I might have lived. As a scientist, in 
this most recent life, I can't say I totally believed in it, but I did think 
about it from time to time. What about you Nick? Did you ever think you were 
someone else?

"Can't say I thought about it much since my last lifetime almost lasted 800 
years. I can't imagine what my previous lives were like."

"Now that I know that reincarnation exists, I think I might have been a 
teacher in one of mine."

"You would have made a wonderful teacher. You seem to enjoy soaking up 
information like a sponge. I would have imagined that you would've gotten 
great satisfaction out of conveying that knowledge to younger minds," he 
said sincerely, then in a teasing manner, he continued "Of course, they 
would have definitely known who was boss."

She slapped him lightly across the chest as she flashed a charming smile. 
"Okay, I get the message loud and clear. I do tend to speak my mind. One of 
my many flaws, I suppose."

"No, not flaws....it is an asset, Natalie. I'll listen to you any time." He 
grinned, then he sobered as he looked at her, thinking how lucky he was to 
have met this bewitching woman, who seemed to know his intermost thoughts. 
Captured momentarily by her beautiful round eyes, he looked deeply into 
them, swept up into the pools of blueness. His own eyes traced a path down 
to her luscious, moist lips as he held his gaze there, longing to feel them 
on his own mouth; soft and warm. Leaning forward slightly, he tilted his 
head downward...towards those soft, red lips....closer and closer.... he was 
drawn like a magnet to a metal object. Inches away from her mouth, he was 
almost there....suddenly a voice behind him nudged him, bringing him back to 
reality. "Hey, buddy. Are you going to move up in line or do you want me to 
take your place?"

Disconcerted and irritated by the person's interruption, Nick said, "Excuse 
me, we'll move up." Lingering on Natalie's lips, he smiled as he spoke to 
the man. "Sorry about that. I was distracted for a brief moment."

"I guess we better pay attention to what we are doing or we will lose our 
place in line," She teased, as her eyes held his, sparkling with 
understanding as to his previous intent. A shiver of delight radiated 
through her, wondering breathlessly what that kiss would have been like.

Before Nick could say anything, they were ushered through a long, narrow 
hall with a white wall on the right side and glassed in rooms on the left 
side. Moving quickly down the carpeted floor, Nick and Natalie each stood in 
front of a large glass window, reflecting a dark, interior room. As the 
lights dimmed, a hologram of a short haired, red head woman dressed in a 
tupa, materialized in the middle of each room.

"Welcome to the Past Lives Pavilion. I'm your hostess, Shirley MacLaine. In 
order to accommodate everyone this evening, we must limit you to five past 
live viewings. When you are ready, simply press your hand firmly on the 
plate on your right and a life will appear. Thank you for coming and enjoy," 
she said, as her image disappeared.

Natalie placed her hand on the circular plate as an image of a man, riding a 
magnificent horse and carrying a long, sharp spear, appeared before her 
eyes. He was dressed in Greek, battle attire with his steed wearing war 
colors. The splendid animal suddenly leapt in the air as the man held firmly 
to the reins. He shouted, "Steady Bucephalus. Onward to Macedonia. I must 
arrive in my kingdom by nightfall!"

She stared in astonishment at the vision before her; it seemed so real. Next 
to her, Nick had his mouth gaping open as he beheld a small girl, no more 
than ten years of age, sitting forlornly on a marble bench, studying a 
flower. In the background, a frenzied voice resounded through the house, 
"Octavia, where are you, my child?" A sound of desperation was now apparent, 
"Please answer me....listen Octavia, do_not_blame_yourself for your 
brother's folly. He knew not to climb that tree as the branches were 
brittle. He will recover; you need not find fault in yourself, Octavia." 
While the voice droned on, the girl finished staring at the flower, walking 
away from the house. Her face denoted a look of anguish as she moved on.

Nick stared in wonder at the apparition, his mouth open like a guppy 
swallowing its food. As he leaned over in Natalie's direction, he queried, 
"Who are you?"

She giggled, "You won't believe it. I'm Alexander the Great. Who are you?"

"I think I'm seeing the youthful, angsting Octavia, who married Mark 
Antony."

"This place is unbelievable!"

"Yeah, I guess," Nick said as he continued to focus in on his next life....

**************************

After leaving the Pavilion, they stopped at a restaurant where Natalie 
proceeded to eat with such gusto everything the waiter recommended to her. 
When the dessert cart came, she insisted on sampling every item. Nick 
laughed inwardly at her hearty, vigorous appetite as he sipped his drink.

During dinner, they discussed all the lives they had previously been, 
surprised at the famous people they had become.

"I would have never pictured myself as Alexander the Great...Do you know 
that he conquered the entire Middle East from Egypt to India by the time of 
his death at 33... or I guess I should say my death." She smiled at him. "I 
was also a tailor, a sea captain, a banker and a teacher. I knew I was right 
about being a teacher," she said, her eyes sparkling as she took another 
bite from her steak.

"I was so unsettled when I saw myself as Octavia that I had a difficult time 
concentrating on the rest of my lives. I believe I was a carpenter, a 
fisherman, a farmer and a merchant.

"Hey! You were a fisherman and I was a sea captain. What a coincidence! Is 
that fate or what!" she exclaimed, shaking her head.

Nick smiled, relishing in her enthusiam. He didn't know what was happening 
to him, but he seemed to be drawn to her as she was beginning to touch him 
in a place he'd never expected. Hearing the distant murmur of her voice, he 
replied, "Yes, I suppose it could be fate," as he looked longingly at her 
beautiful face.

Throughout dinner, he asked Natalie questions about her last life as a 
doctor. She hesitated at first to talk about it as if talking about herself 
wasn't something she was used to. Once she started, though, she seemed to 
engage herself in her tales of Med School, her Internship and Residency, 
relating the difficulties in the Medical field for women: how tough the 
competition was, how she had to struggle and fight her way to the top. Also, 
finding a comfort zone in the discussion of Pathology, her obvious 
fascination, made her voice gain momentum as she immersed herself in the 
topic.

While she spoke, Nick observed her expressions-discussing the hardships she 
had to endure in her profession-made her seem softer, more feminine, somehow 
removing that wall of toughness from her. He liked seeing this side of her; 
this vulnerability, but at the same time, he liked her determination to claw 
her way to the top.

************************

After dinner, they decided to take a walk in the Town Square, browzing in 
the windows of the various shops.

Suddenly as they walked by a nightclub, "Unchained Melody" could be heard, 
resonating from the smoky interior lounge from within. Natalie stopped in 
her tracks when she recognized it, pulling on Nick's hand.

"I love this song," she said.

"Would you like to go inside?"

She debated as the melody swirled around her.

"We could dance if you'd like," he added.

"No, it's awfully crowded in there," she said, peering through the circular 
glass window on the oak door.

The street was devoid of noise, the sidewalks deserted. A single light, set 
high on a pole, flickered slightly, illuminating the corner. Beneath the 
strains of the music from the bar drifted the sound of conversations. 
Natalie took a tentative step away from the door. The music was still 
evident behind them, playing softly, when Nick suddenly closed the gap 
between them. She looked up at him curiously.

Without a word, he slipped one arm around her back, moving her closer to 
him. With an endearing smile, he raised her hand to his lips and kissed each 
fingertip, then lowered it into position. Suddenly realizing what was 
happening, but still not believing it, Natalie took an awkward step before 
beginning to follow his lead.

For a fleeting moment, both were slightly embarrassed. But the music played 
steadily in the background, dispelling the awkwardness and after a couple of 
turns Natalie closed her eyes and leaned into him. Nick's arm drifted up her 
back, and she could hear his breathing as they rotated in slow circles, 
swaying gently with the music. Suddenly it didn't matter whether anyone was 
watching. Except for his touch and the feel of his cool body against hers, 
nothing mattered at all, and they danced and danced, holding each other 
close beneath a flickering streetlight....

***************************

Strolling back to Natalie's hotel, a comfortable silence ensued between 
them. The dance had drawn them closer...if there had been any pretenses 
before, they were dispelled in that magical moment in front of the bar when 
Nick held Natalie in his arms. A plane had been crossed where barriers no 
longer existed. Smiling, Nick scooped up her hand as they continued to walk 
along the sidewalk.

As they approached the hotel, Natalie looked at him. "Well, here we are. 
Would you like to come in? We could sit in the lobby."

"Sure, why not," he said, leading her to a comfortable sofa. As they sat 
down, he smiled, surveying the ostentatious surroundings. He asked 
facetiously, "This is quite a hotel they put you up at! Do you have a 
jacuzzi in your room?"

"No, not in *my* room...I have one in my bathroom," she said, laughing. 
"Actually, it's probably not a jacuzzi, it's more like a tub with small 
holes."

"It's okay, if you have a jacuzzi, I'm very happy for you. You don't have to 
protect my feelings. I'm glad you have all the comforts of home," he said, 
trying to put her mind at ease.

"Actually, home was never this comfortable." She laughed again. Smiling at 
one another, a quietness enveloped them as Nick slid closer to her on the 
couch.

In the glowing light, sitting close, she looked at him squarely, her eyes 
lit with mystery and compassion, and it was at that moment that Nick knew he 
was lost in all that was Natalie.

All the centuries of wondering exactly what love meant, all the years of 
loneliness, had led to this place, this here and now. He reached out and 
took her hand, feeling the softness of her skin as a well of tenderness rose 
within him.

As he touched her cheek, Natalie closed her eyes, willing this memory to 
last forever. She knew intuitively the meaning of Nick's touch, the words 
he'd left unspoken. Cupping her chin in his hand, he tilted her head up as 
he captured her lips with his own, gently kissing her warm, inviting mouth 
as he gathered her up in his arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck, 
sliding her hands up to run them through his thick, blond locks. As she 
parted her lips, he delved further into her sweet, warm mouth, lavishing in 
the taste of her....so delicious and intoxicating. The kiss seemed to go on 
forever, deep and probing, until Natalie finally pulled away slightly, 
coming up for air. She looked up at him, her breath coming in short bursts, 
as he leaned his forehead on hers. He said, a huskiness to his voice, 
"Natalie, I don't know what is happening to me...I haven't felt this way in 
a very long time....maybe never." As he regarded her with wonder and 
tenderness, he took a deep breath and continued, "I think that I'm falling 
in love with you."

A feeling of euphoria descended on her as she brought her hand around to his 
face, caressing his cheek. "I don't understand what's happening to me, 
either. Never in my wildest dreams did I envision meeting someone in the 
afterlife and falling in love, too....for I *do* love you Nick....I've never 
met anyone like you....mortal or vampire." She smiled.

He wrapped his arms around her more tightly, his heart beating 
once..twice..three times at her admission. Kissing her nose and nuzzling it 
against his own, he said, "Well, loving a mortal is less hazardous to your 
health, my darling Natalie." He chuckled as he brought her hand up to his 
lips, kissing her knuckle.

She thought a moment about what he was implying, then the light bulb flashed 
on in her head in understanding. "Oh....you mean you would have to bite me 
in order to...," she said without thinking, then she blushed, not completing 
the sentence. Regaining her composure, she added, "But...there's no problem, 
Nick...since I'm already dead! You can't exactly kill me, now can you?" She 
giggled.

Squeezing her hand, he replied as he brought them to a standing position, 
"No, I don't have that concern for a change, but I think I need to leave 
before things go too far, Natalie...I'm fighting so hard for my past life in 
court, that I need to concentrate on that battle first.."

"I understand, Nick...This is happening so quickly ....We should probably 
take things slow," she agreed.

As they walked over to the entrance, he scooped her up into his arms again. 
"Will you go out to dinner with me, tomorrow?"

"I wouldn't miss it for the world. Why don't you come by my screening after 
yours. I would love for you to see some of my life." She pulled his head 
down to meet her anxious lips in another passionate kiss.

Breaking apart, Nick rubbed his cheek slowly against hers as he murmured in 
her ear, "I would love to see some of your life-anything that was a part of 
you. Au Revoir, mon amour. Je t'aime."

As she kissed his cheek one more time, she whispered, "Until tomorrow. Good 
luck,..... and Nick.... I love you." Releasing her reluctantly, he departed 
as she stood there, inhaling the remnants of his wonderful, enticing 
aftershave....

Defending my Unlife

April 2001

By: Patty Costantino

Chapter 7

Nick strolled into the courtroom, whistling as he took his seat, smiling at 
the memory of his delightful evening with Natalie. The softness of her lips 
were ingrained in his mind...the warmth of her touch....the softness of her 
hand. The softness of her hand? Curious! Suddenly, as if he could see 
through a camera lens, he saw himself lying in complete darkness in what 
appeared to be a body bag. Hearing a loud sound like tearing near his ear, 
the material of the bag parted as someone seemed to be unzipping it. A 
brilliant light shot directly on his face, but he couldn't seem to open his 
eyes, try as hard as he might. He could detect a female voice around him, 
saying something...What was it? Straining to make out the words, he 
concentrated as hard as he could on the woman's voice in the dream, but he 
couldn't capture what she was saying. Suddenly, though, he could feel the 
warm touch of her hand on his cheek as she rubbed it delicately from his 
cheekbone to his jawline....Then everything went blank...Funny! Why hadn't 
he remembered all that before? He sensed there were more images, lying 
buried underneath, waiting to surface, but something in his mind was holding 
these thoughts back...like his death...It was all so bewildering. He would 
have to ask George; maybe he would have the answers.

As he glanced up from his thoughts, he saw Miss Miller entering through the 
double doors, walking with her usual briskness to her desk. "Good morning, 
Mr. Knight. How are you today?" She asked, in a polite manner.

Nick gave her one of his most charming smiles as he stood up, wandering over 
to her desk. "I'm doing very well, thank you. How about you?"

"Fine, thanks."

"That's a nice looking suit you have on, Miss Miller," he commented 
graciously. 'Might as well get brownie points when I can.' he thought, 
grinning.

"Thank you, Mr. Knight," she responded, eyeing him closely.

The doors opened at that moment as George came thundering into the room. 
Striding over to Nick, he patted him on the back firmly. "Good morning, 
Nick. Hope your evening went well."

"It was wonderful."

"See that woman, did you?" He ribbed Nick in the side, winking as he glanced 
up at Miss Miller, who was standing there, studying them both.

George nodded politely to her, observing her stiff demeanor. "Good morning, 
Miss Miller. How are you, today?"

"Fine, thank you, Mr. Phillips. Shall we end the formalities and get down to 
business, gentlemen?" she suggested, her voice taking on a professional 
tone, as she surveyed the papers lying on top of her desk.

Taking the hint, Nick and George moved to the other desk. As they stood 
there, George leaned over, whispering in Nick's ear. "Since your defense 
went so well the way we approached it yesterday, we'll use the same strategy 
today. Just remember to follow my lead, Nick and everything will go 
smoothly." He patted his back again in encouragement as he sat down at his 
desk.

As Nick stood there for a second, contemplating whether this was a good time 
to ask him how he died, he decided to take the plunge. "George, I wanted to 
ask you something that has been troubling me since I arrived in Judgement 
City. How is it that I died this time because of a bomb? I normally 
regenerate everytime I'm injured, but this situation was different...I 
didn't recover. Why is that?"

"I can't answer those questions. Only the Elders hold those answers. I'm 
just here to represent your defense, son....nothing more. Sorry, Nick. I 
wish I could be of more help to you."

"But, I need to find out because there's something not quite right about all 
this....It's like I'm trying desperately to remember events that are buried 
deep within me and I can't for some reason...things that I know occurred 
after the bomb exploded...Why can't I recall those events?" he asked 
curiously.

"I don't know why you can't remember...maybe there is a reason for your 
amnesia...maybe it will come to you...like a fog lifting." He nodded as if 
he were feigning his ignorance to Nick. Grabbing his shoulder with one hand, 
he said, "Like guilt, some things take time to lift from the mind."

Nick stared at him for a moment, not quite comprehending George's analogy. 
He would need to think about it for a while. As he sat down, the judges 
entered the courtroom, taking their seats.

"Good morning," they said in unison.

Everyone nodded back and repeated their greetings. The female judge 
addressed Miss Miller, flashing her a warm smile, "Thank you so much for the 
wonderful gift."

"Yes, it was marvelous," the second judge echoed.

Miss Miller said complacently, "Oh....it was nothing. You're very welcome." 
She looked over at George, smiling like a Cheshire Cat.

Nick listened to this discussion with disgust. 'There should be a mistrail,' 
he thought. 'This lady has no scruples...she thinks nothing of attempting to 
sway these judges by showering them with gifts.' He glanced at George to see 
his reaction and he was shocked to note that his lawyer was taking the 
matter with a grain of salt. As he shrugged his shoulders and winked at 
Nick, he silently mouthed an 'it's okay' sign. Nick rolled his eyes, as he 
turned his attention back to the judges.

"Now, Miss Miller, why don't you begin with another viewing of Mr. Knight's 
life," the male judge offered, sipping from his glass of water.

Standing abruptly, the prosecutor proceeded to walk around her desk, 
pointing to the blank screen on the wall. "Your honors, the prosecution 
would like to show tape 705/2/27 where Mr. Knight joined the Barnum Circus 
as a trapeze artist for several years. During his stint with the circus, he 
befriended a family of tightrope professionals, the Rosenburgs, who had a 
seventeen year old daughter, Clara, who was also learning the profession. In 
this scene, Nicholas was trying to help her through her fears of performing 
the tightrope without the benefit of the trampoline."

************flashback: Topeka, Kansas, April 25, 1899************

Nicholas opened the flap to the tent, striding over to the lovely woman, who 
was sitting in a chair in front of a mirror, brushing her long blond locks. 
As he laid his hands on her slim shoulders, he leaned over to plant a quick 
kiss to her cheek, as he admired her reflection in the glass.

"Clara, are you excited about this evening's performance?"

"Nicholas, I must admit my trepidation about this performance without the 
presence of the trampoline." She stood up, facing him as she searched his 
eyes for any confirmation of her concerns.

"We've been over this before. You have been practicing this routine for 
months, now. You are more than ready." He clutched her shoulders as he 
peered steadily into her eyes. "Clara, you and your family have been 
tightrope artists for generations. You've inherited this remarkable 
gift...Don't throw it away."

"I know that I've spent my entire life preparing for this one big moment, 
but there is an unsettling feeling in me that I shouldn't go out there 
tonight and perform this stunt. I need more time, Nicholas, " she pleaded, 
trying to make him understand. She averted her eyes from him, ashamed of her 
unexplained apprehension.

He seized her hands in his, willing her to look at him. "Clara, this is 
simply pre-performance jitters, a kind of stage fright that you are 
succumbing to."

Shaking her head fervently, she cried, "No, Nicholas. It is an ominous 
feeling I have right here," patting her stomach with one hand as she 
continued. "like a black cloud has descended on me."

"You need to sit down and calm yourself, Clara. Nothing is going to happen 
to you," he said, ushering her to a chair, as he poured her a glass of 
water. "Here...drink this. Let me go and get you some tea to settle your 
nerves. I'll be right back."

He rose to leave as she pulled him down with her hand. She asked, "Do you 
*really* think I'm just being a ninny? I do tend to worry too much. Do you 
believe I am truly prepared for this performance, Nicholas?"

"Yes, I have no doubt that you are going to be the star of the entire show, 
tonight." He smiled, snatching her hand up eagerly and kissing her brow 
quickly as he stood up to leave. Squeezing her hand one more time, he turned 
to depart. "Nicholas?"

"Yes, Clara."

"You'll be able to watch my act?"

"Every moment," he replied, as he walked away.

*******************Flashback: two hours later*************

'The bigtop ring was crowded this evening: everyone from the mid western 
town must be here tonight,' Nicholas surmised as he nodded to Clara. She 
looked stunning in her royal blue leotard with a colorful plumage decorating 
her blond hair. She looked like she was ready to take on the world. Throwing 
her shoulders back as she stood before the ladder, ready to make her ascent, 
he could distinguish the change in her from earlier; she was completely in 
control now, no fears, no anxieties. She was going to be sensational.

As the ringmaster announced Clara's name to the audience, she smiled once 
more at Nicholas as she started to climb the ladder. Reaching the top rung, 
she descended onto the platform as she stared at the narrow, silver wire, 
extending across the ring to the other side where her parents were waving 
encouragement.

Exhaling softly, she extended her long, lithe arms outward, then down to her 
sides. As she continued to peer straight ahead, she took a step forward, 
pointing her right toe like a ballerina as she pressed it to the wire. 
Extending her graceful arms outward again, she moved slowly along the wire.

Nicholas watched proudly from the side next to one of the exits. He had 
moved away slightly to allow some photographers to congregate near the ring, 
so they could take pictures of the newest star to grace Barnum's show. As he 
stood there, a woman approached with two large dogs, a Rottweiler and a 
German Shepherd. Sensing immediately a strange presence in Nicholas, the 
dogs started to growl. As they advanced towards him, they erupted in a 
chorus of barking. Pulling on their leashes to arrest their commotion, the 
woman tried vainly to quiet them down, speaking softly to them.

Realizing the reason for the animals' behavior, Nicholas slid further into 
the crowd, hoping the dogs would lose the scent. No such luck. The 
Rottweiler, who became increasingly unnerved by Nicholas's presence, pulled 
as hard as he could on the leash. Having no more strength to hold on, the 
woman let go of the rope as the dog sprang at him. As the massive beast 
jumped, Nicholas was able to grap him quickly, pulling him down to the 
ground as he steadied his gaze on the animal. As he locked onto the dog's 
eyes and heartbeat, he transmitted to the animal a command to lie down. A 
peace seemed to envelope the Rottweiler as he plopped down on the dirt 
floor, docile as a lamb. The animal's owner had witnessed the entire 
episode, struck by Nicholas's ability to subdue him. She was about to speak 
to the blond gentlemen when suddenly, there was a scream in the audience.

More screams followed, as Nicholas tore his eyes away from the dog to see 
what the uproar was about. Moving his eyes down to the ring, he regarded in 
horror the crumpled figure lying in a heap on the ground. As quickly as he 
could move without creating suspicion to his vampiric abilities, he 
descended to the center of the ring where Clara lay motionless. As gently as 
possible, he scooped her up in his arms, carrying her over to a stretcher 
and laying her with a carefulness on it. Nicholas held her hand as medics 
rushed over to check her vital signs. Tears sprung to his eyes as they 
worked futilely on her: he knew it was useless as he sensed no heartbeat. 
Her neck had snapped like a twig in the fall....

*************end of flashback*************

Miss Miller surveyed Nick's reaction to the flashback, watching him as the 
lights flickered on in the room. Standing like a tower of doom next to his 
seat, her arms folded across her chest, she inquired abruptly, giving him no 
chance to recover his equanimity, "What thoughts were going through your 
mind when you were watching the tape, Mr. Knight?"

Before he could answer, George emerged from his seat, walking quickly around 
to the front of his desk. "He was probably overcome with mental anguish at 
the unforeseen death of his dear friend, Clara. Isn't that correct, Mr. 
Knight?"

As he shifted uncomfortably in his chair, Nick studied his attorney before 
answering. He needed to regain his composure and tell himself, 'This 
incident wasn't his fault even though he knew deep in his heart he was the 
only one to blame for Clara's demise.' As he faced the prosecutor in a 
noncommittal stare, he replied plainly, "I agree with Mr. Phillips. My 
thoughts when watching this tape were of true regret that a wonderful talent 
had been lost to the world: she had such a gift," he regretted, his voice 
carrying a faraway tone.

"Yes, the world lost a great performer that day, Mr. Knight. Don't you feel 
more than mournfulness over the demise of your friend? Isn't it expiation 
that you are feeling for her death?" she queried, in a clever way.

"Objection, your honors. The prosecution is attempting to lead my client 
again."

The male judge cautioned, "Miss Miller, you must refrain from leading the 
defendant."

"I understand, your honor," she agreed, then studying Nick, she asked, "Did 
you ever feel the cause of death to Clara could have stemmed from the dogs' 
barking?"

As Nick looked at George for assistance, the attorney nodded, encouraging 
him to answer her question. "I have always thought that the noise could have 
possibly distracted Clara enough, so that she lost her balance on the 
tightrope and she fell to the ground."

"Do you also feel that you were responsible for the dogs' outbursts? That 
the animals sensed what you were and you consequently triggered their 
barking which led to the woman's death?"

"Objection, your honors. Miss Miller's question is pure conjecture. There 
was no evidence on this tape which proved that Mr. Knight precipitated the 
dogs' responses.

The female judge intervened, "Miss Miller, where are you going with this 
line of questioning?"

"Your honor, I am attempting to show the court that because of Mr. Knight's 
vampirism, the animals reacted with hostility and the noise resulted 
directly in Clara's death. Mr. Knight's perpetual nature to blame himself 
for the entire incident would be self-evident."

"Yes, but the line of questioning, Miss Miller, is complete guesswork on 
your part. Objection sustained."

Miss Miller threw up her hands in defeat, striding back to her desk.

"Do you have any comments to make, Mr. Knight?" the male judge asked.

"I would like to reiterate that I felt sorrow for the whole incident." He 
paused, swallowing the lump which had formed in his throat as he proceeded, 
"I don't hold myself responsible for Clara's death as we'll never know for 
certain what events triggered her fall." Did he actually admit potential 
faultlessness? 'Maybe he could fool these unsuspecting beings after all,' he 
thought.

"Are there any other questions before we continue? ....Shall we move to the 
next tape, Miss Miller?" the female judge suggested.

"The next tape, 745/4/27, took place in Berlin, months before the German 
invasion of Poland. Mr. Knight had befriended a family of Jews, the 
Hartzingers, who had known that time was growing short for them to make 
their escape from Germany. In this scene, Mr. Knight had come to their home 
to explain the details of their forthcoming travels to Switzerland, then to 
the United States."

**************flashback: Berlin, June 25, 1939**********

There was a knock at the door as Caroline moved quickly to open it. Standing 
there in the dim light was a blond haired gentlemen. As he removed his tweed 
hat and smiled at the young girl, Nicholas asked, "May I come in?"

"Of course, Nicholas. Father has been expecting you." She graciously took 
his hat as she led him through the narrow hall to the parlor.

Sitting comfortably and talking in low murmurs, Hans Hartzinger and his 
wife, Elisa rose from their seats to greet their charming friend. "Nicholas, 
how good to see you. Won't you sit down? Some wine?"

He greeted the Hartzinger's warmly and dropped into an armchair. "No, I 
don't need any refreshment at this time."

Another woman entered the room, smiling at their guest as she extended her 
hand to him. "How good to see you again. Mother and father were awaiting 
your arrival with great anticipation."

"Lora, it is a pleasure to see you again," Nicholas rose from his seat and 
gave her a quick kiss on her cheek. As they made themselves comfortable, he 
proceeded to reveal the purpose of his visit. "As you know, the time is 
growing short where everyone is being allowed access to the border. A friend 
of mine, Dr. Schmitz and his lovely wife have offered you shelter in a small 
town outside of Geneva. They will put you up in their home until such time 
that you hear from the American family."

"Nicholas, we heard from the Sanders, yesterday," Ruth Hartzinger 
volunteered. Retrieving a letter from her pocket, she passed it to him. He 
studied the letter as she continued, "Joseph and Annie are expecting us in 
New York as soon as arrangements can be made. We also received our American 
visas on Friday, so we are all set to leave."

As he reached in his coat pocket, Nicholas brought forth a bulky envelope, 
"This is wonderful news! I have your train tickets and directions to the 
Schmitz home." He paused, looking steadily at them, "You also know how 
difficult it has become to take currency out of the country. So, I propose 
that you take these pieces of jewelry with you to pawn off when you can." He 
retrieved a medium size box from his pocket, handing the item to Ruth.

She opened the box, staring in wonder at the contents. An array of rubies, 
emeralds, diamonds sparkled as they met her eyes. "Nicholas, these jewels 
are too much....you have given us so much already....a new start.. a new 
beginning...That is all we need. We have many fine pieces of furniture...a 
piano...an antique desk...we can sell these items and hide the money in our 
shoes."

"No, Ruth....the Nazis will check at the borders...You can not risk 
it...Please take the jewels...It's the only way. I insist...for all the 
generosity you have bestowed on me these last few years. I'm in your debt."

"Alright, but we will repay you for your kindness, Nicholas."

"Now, one more item to go over in our plan. The train will depart on 
Thursday......

***************flashback: one month later************

As Nicholas sat in his parlor, a manuscript tucked in his hand, as he read 
>from it, a figure stood quietly in the doorway, observing him with a smirk 
on his face. Looking up from his reading, Nicholas viewed the man with 
dismay. "What brings you here at this time of the night, LaCroix? No, street 
urchins to intimidate or to feed on? Well...don't worry....with the war on 
the horizon, you'll have plenty of bodies to partake in, won't you?"

"Aaah...but, Nicholas, I do so detest bodies that are at the point of being 
rancid...so disagreeable to my palate. I prefer the warm and flowing drink 
myself...so much more delectable, don't you think?"

Tired of this ongoing conversation, Nicholas addressed his master abruptly, 
"LaCroix, why don't we get to the reason for your visit. What brings you 
here?"

"Oh, Nicholas, you are such an inhospitable host...the least you could do is 
offer me a seat from my long excursion."

As he offered the chair across from him, he said, "Please be seated."

"The reason for my visit is merely to advise you that it is time for you to 
move on. It seems that your recent ties with mortals has stirred up some 
trouble with the Nazis."

"What do you mean, LaCroix? What has happened? " he asked, warily.

"Well, it seems Nicholas that Walter Litzhauser, the Hartzinger's neighbor, 
belongs to and ranks quite high in the Party. He apparently ascertained the 
Hartzingers surreptitious plans to leave the country. A certain family 
friend was attempting to aid in their escape to Switzerland."

He grabbed Lacroix suddenly by the collar, lifted him up and slammed him 
against the wall. "What has happened to the Hartzingers? What did you say to 
Litzhauser?" he growled.

"Really, Nicholas. Your manners as host are deplorable these days. I must 
get Janette to teach you some etiquette." He pushed Nicholas away as he 
released him. Lacroix continued, "Litzhauser has been observing the 
Hartzingers for a while...he suspected they had plans because Hans 
Hartzinger had received orders to report to the army and he did not obey 
those commands. Litzhauser reported his suspicions to his commanding 
officers, who intercepted the Hartzingers as they were boarding a train for 
Geneva."

"Where are the Hartzingers, now?" he asked frantically, shaking LaCroix by 
the shoulders.

"I do not know. Hans Hartzinger will probably report to his unit and I 
suspect that his wife and daughters, being of Jewish descent, will be 
disposed of."

"You mean...they will be taken to a concentration camp," he said, gloomily, 
then studying LaCroix, he added, "If I ever find out that you had anything 
to do with their demise, I will hunt you down and kill you, LaCroix."

"Gooood, Nicholas....anger, and hatred....at least you're moving in the 
right direction these days....I'm very pleased." He smiled sardonically.

"Get out LaCroix....I want to be alone."

"Sounds like you've been watching too many Greta Garbo movies,....oh well, I 
must be leaving anyway. And you must too...as the Nazis are aware of your 
involvement in this potential escape....Good bye...

************End of Flashback***************

When the lights flashed on, Miss Miller was leaning against her desk, 
folding her arms across her chest as she inquired, "After a period of time, 
Mr. Knight, you *did* in fact find out that LaCroix did speak with the 
neighbor, Mr. Litzhauser. In fact, he provided every conceivable detail of 
the Hartzinger's plan. Did he not?"

"Yes, he knew everything much to my dismay."

"And because of LaCroix's knowledge of this plan through your close bond 
with him, you felt responsible for the family's death. Isn't that correct?"

George immediately stood up. "Your honors. Miss Miller is again trying to 
lead the defendant. The evidence on the tape would suggest that Mr. Knight 
was trying to save a family from the atrocities of war. He sensed the war 
with Germany was imminent and Hitler was persecuting the Jews. The 
Hartzinger mother and her two children, being of Jewish heritage, were at 
great risk of being sent off to a concentration camp. Mr. Knight was only 
trying to be noble and save them from this situation."

"But, weren't you feeling contrite because of the emotional bond you had 
with LaCroix? If you hadn't had this tie to him, he wouldn't have known 
about their intended escape?" Miss Miller persisted.

"Mr. Knight probably had a sense of remorse that the plan did not come to 
fruition, but other than lack of accomplishment, I don't see where he would 
have had anything to be ashamed of. Isn't that correct, Nick?" George 
nodded.

"Mr. Phillips is right. I did what I felt in my heart was the right thing to 
do: I attempted to save a family. Whether or not I was bonded to LaCroix is 
inconsequential. He could have gained the information from other sources: 
there were many spys during that time with whom one could readily be in 
contact. With a vampire's ability to hypnotize, information could also have 
been obtained very easily." Nick offered, thinking how simple this deception 
was becoming. He was even convincing himself that the entire episode with 
the Hartzingers wasn't his fault even though he knew that he was the only 
one to blame. He concluded, "I believe that like the other flashbacks to my 
life, I was feeling more sorrow for these people than any guilt over their 
loss.

The prosecutor looked at him suspiciously. "So, to recap, you hold yourself 
completely blameless for the Hartzinger's demise: you take absolutely no 
responsibility for their tragic deaths in the camps during the war?"

"What is this? Am I being found guilty for their deaths because I tried to 
save them? I attempted to show a little kindness to a family, who was 
desperately seeking help. Does that make me defective?" Nick inquired, 
attempting to play her little game of knocking the opponent off guard by 
answering a question with another question.

"No, but, by your very nature, Mr. Knight, you would blame yourself," she 
stated, her voice betraying unsteadiness.

"Call me altruistic, send me to hell, but don't hold me responsible for 
their deaths," Nick continued with more self-confidence.

"*I* don't hold you responsible, but *you* do, don't you?" she argued, 
holding her ground.

Nick stated guardedly, "No, I hold myself faultless in their death. I tried 
to help the best way I could, but the outcome would have probably been the 
same even if I had attempted different measures." This game was becoming 
fun. Had he actually made that comment to Miss Miller? Maybe he could 
actually start believing that he was *not* responsible for people's actions: 
that some things were just out of his hands.

The female judge spoke up, "Miss Miller, do you have any further questions?"

She wavered, then she shook her head and stated with a reluctance, "No, no 
further questions at this time, your honor."

"How about you, Mr. Phillips? Any questions or comments?"

"Not at this time, your honor."

The judge continued, "I suggest we resume at 10:00 am tomorrow whereby you, 
Mr. Phillips and Miss Miller will give your closing arguments and judgement 
will be passed at that time, Mr. Knight."

Everyone agreed to meet in the morning and the court session ended 
immediately.

**************************

As they stood in the corridor, George commented, slapping Nick on the back. 
"Son, I think you did remarkably well, today. I'm proud of you. The 
prosecution had no concrete evidence to substantiate your expiation."

"George, you have no idea how difficult it was today; seeing those 
flashbacks only renewed my feelings of guilt over those losses."

Looking over his shoulder, certain Miss Miller would materialize at any 
moment, he whispered, "Nick, as long as the prosecution is unable to dig up 
any evidence other than circumstantial, we can't lose. Remember that. You're 
almost at the finish line: don't give up on me now. We'll win this one 
tomorrow!"

Uncertainty was apparent on his face as he said, "George, I have complete 
confidence in you..it's me I'm concerned about...",giving his attorney an 
appreciative look as he continued, "I couldn't have done this without you. 
Thanks!" Nick patted his shoulder.

George smiled, "See you tomorrow, buddy...now go see that wonderful doctor 
friend of yours....

Nick grinned at his lawyer as he sped off down the hall....

Defending my Unlife

April 2001

By: Patty Costantino

Chapter 8

Nick leaned against the wall to the courtroom where Natalie, her council, 
prosecution and judges were sitting, mesmerized by the events taking place 
on the screen. During her Med School years, it appeared from the flashback 
that Natalie had worked for a lab technician at McGill University for one 
summer. One evening in the lab, some negligent technician had gone to light 
a Bunsen burner too close to some chemicals which had spilled nearby. 
Unaware of the liquid which had pooled next to the burner, he'd ignited the 
flame which hit the chemicals. A enormous fire had erupted immediately, 
engulfing the room in flames. Natalie was next to the technician, who 
started the fire. She'd acted swiftly, pushing the man out of the room. 
There were two other people in the lab, who were trapped in a corner. After 
seeing the one tech out of the building, Natalie had courageously entered 
the complex again, running to the lab and rescuing the other two female 
techs from the raging inferno. Everyone in the courtroom looked on in awe as 
Natalie dragged them out of the room, down the hall and out to the lawn. The 
fire engines could be heard in the distance as the smoke and flames licked 
at the window panes. The screen suddenly went blank as the lights flickered 
on in the room.

A momentary silence followed as everyone reflected on the defendant's 
unbelievable heroics. Shaking his head in wonder, the prosecutor said, 
"Well, after seeing that incredible showing of bravery, Dr. Lambert, I don't 
have any further questions. My hat goes off to you. You are one fearless 
woman!"

The two judges and her attorney murmured the same applause on her behalf. 
The one judge continued by saying, "We will reconvene tomorrow morning for 
final arguments, mostly for enjoyment sake. Dr. Lambert, I can't see that 
this session will take very long due to your remarkable heroic efforts 
during your last lifetime."

The other judge banged on the gavel. "Court adjourned."

As everyone moved to the door, Nick introduced himself to them as he looked 
over at Natalie, smiling proudly at her. She walked over with her attorney, 
grinning, her face lit up in a warm smile at Nick. He reached over to give 
her a quick kiss on her brow, gathering her hand in his. "Hi, Natalie...that 
flashback of your life was quite a moment...for a second, I thought I was 
watching a Mutual of Omaha commercial.

She giggled. "You're just jealous," she teased, hitting him softly in the 
chest.

"You'll never know how much," he said, reflecting back to his own day in 
court. Had it gone as well as George had indicated? He wasn't so sure. As he 
looked up, Natalie's attorney approached them.

She said, turning to her lawyer, "Nick, I would like you to meet Larry 
Stevens, my attorney."

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Stevens," he replied, shaking his hand.

"A pleasure, Nick...please call me Larry. I hear that you have George 
Phillips for council...good man..George."

"I agree...he's been the best."

"Well, nice to meet you," he said to Nick, then to Natalie, "See you in the 
morning, doctor."

"Good bye," she waved as he left them standing in the hall, then turning 
back to Nick, she smiled, as she suggested, "Why don't we go to this great 
Italian restaurant. Larry mentioned it to me. He said it was fabulous. What 
do you say?"

"Whatever makes you happy. It's not like I will be eating anything, anyway." 
He smiled, as he escorted her out of the building.

**********************************

They arrived at the infamous Candelora's where an exuberant maitre d' 
personally seated them in a secluded corner of the brightly lit restaurant. 
The room had a cheerful ambiance with sparkling chandeliers gracing the 
white ceiling; starched, white table cloths with polished silverware, long, 
stem fine crystal, ruby red candles, and freshly cut flowers decorated every 
table.

No sooner had they settled themselves then a jolly waiter materialized, 
wearing a tuxedo. Without hesitation, he queried Natalie in his best Italian 
accent, "Do you'a like'a the pasta?"

She answered, "Yes, I love pasta"

"Good! I'm a gonna to bring you'a three pounds of it."

Before she could protest, he turned to Nick, "And, I'a know'a what you 
like'a. Trust'a mia!"

Like Natalie, before Nick could utter a syllable, the waiter disappeared. He 
chuckled, shaking his head and replied, imitating the waiter, "Well'a, I'a 
hope'a you'a like'a the pasta."

She laughed. "I'm sure it will be wonderful like all the food in this 
universe," then, sobering, she confessed what she had wanted to admit when 
she saw him earlier, "Nick, I can't get you out of my mind."

He reached for her hand. "Tell me about it."

"God...I missed you so, today."

"I missed you, too....Natalie. You seem to brighten my world when I am with 
you. I don't know what it is, but you seem to make the pain of my sessions 
in court dissipate. You must understand that these screenings have been so 
tough for me, but when I see you, instantly I feel okay. Maybe you're making 
me feel this way."

"No, I'm not..."

"I don't know about that...I've always heard that people need to be okay 
with themselves before they can be okay with someone else. Now, I know I'm 
not okay, but when I'm with you, I feel okay, so I think you are the one 
making me feel okay. You understand!" He grinned, that boyish grin which 
made her heart flutter.

"You're not *that* okay, Nick, but I'll accept what you believe is true." 
She grasped his hand.

The waiter approached with a plate filled with a mountain of pasta. 
Natalie's eyes were big as saucers as she stared at the mound of food which 
was placed in front of her. "I'm not sure that I can eat all of this pasta."

The waiter said. "I'a betcha you'na gonna eat a lot a this pasta. It's a 
okay. You can a take it wit'chu? An' a for you'a....," he presented a box 
filled with gallon jugs of an assortment of special vintages. Pulling one 
out, he proceeded to uncork the top and pour a glass for Nick. "I brought' 
chu our finest!" He brought his fingers to his lips in a kissing motion. 
"It's a our best'a stock, the artistic' a bunch'a. You'a gonna like'a." He 
gestured for Nick to try the glass.

As he drew it to his lips, he drank a sip, savoring the exquisite flavor of 
the bloodwine. He could discern from the little he drank that the donor's 
talents had been in bust sculpturing. He took a sizable gulp from his glass, 
sighing at the sensations overwhelming his senses. He glanced at the waiter. 
"You're absolutely right. It's great."

"Let me'a know if you'a wanta something," the waiter offered as he departed.

After he left, Natalie leaned forward and asked, in a curious tone, "Nick, 
what's with the drink? The waiter indicated that it was donated by an 
artist. Can you tell what a person's profession was by the taste of their 
blood?"

"Yes...you can recognize their thoughts, feelings, everything about 
them...," and for the next hour, he explained about the blood exchange and 
about his abilities as a vampire. Natalie sat there mesmerized by the 
physiological makeup of a vampire. The scientist in her began to kick in and 
she couldn't get the questions out fast enough; she was so interested in his 
biological physiology.

When he finished talking, she stared at him for a long moment, then she 
lamented. "It's ashame that I couldn't have helped you Nick. I could have 
tried to find a cure for you. I would have loved the challenge of studying 
you."

He smiled. "I'm sorry you didn't get the chance to study me," then he asked, 
in a teasing manner, "but what could you have possibly gained from your 
research doctor?"

"Solving a puzzle is it's own reward," she said, frankly. Suddenly as if a 
cold breeze had brushed up against her neck, she felt a sense of deja vu. 
Where had she heard that phrase before? Had she said that response to 
someone before? She couldn't recall. Shaking her head to clear the clouds 
>from her mind, she took another bite of her pasta.

"Are you okay, Natalie?" he asked, his voice betrayed concern.

"I'm fine....for a moment, I thought I was somewhere else, saying what I 
just said to you to someone else about a puzzle. Odd, isn't it?"

"No, actually it isn't strange at all. I've been having moments of deja vu, 
myself," he said. "Natalie, I'm curious about something. If you don't mind 
talking about it, I was wondering how you died?"

"Nick, I don't mind talking about it, but honestly I don't remember how I 
died. In fact, I asked my attorney about it and he couldn't tell me 
anything. How about you?"

"Same...When I asked George about it, he said that once my guilt lifted, 
perhaps my amnesia would lift, too. I didn't quite understand what he was 
trying to convey to me," he stated, confused as she.

"Maybe we aren't suppose to remember how we died. Perhaps not knowing makes 
it easier to get down to business and deal with the difficulties in our past 
life," she offered, shrugging her shoulders.

Before they could continue, the waiter jubilantly rolled a scrumptious 
dessert cart over to Natalie. Temporarily distracted from their 
conversation, she proceeded to choose an assortment of delectable delights 
as Nick looked on, enjoying her enthusiasm and healthy appetite.

After Natalie felt she had eaten all that she could, they departed from the 
restaurant loaded down with leftovers of food and bloodwine which the waiter 
insisted they take. Even though one of their hands was occupied with a box, 
Nick managed to grab her other in his own as they walked back to her hotel. 
"Will you be coming back to your hotel tomorrow after your session?"

"No, Larry says that we will be wrapping everything up tomorrow and he 
doesn't see any reason why I won't be advancing," she said, her voice 
betraying a touch of sadness, then she asked, "Will you be finishing up 
tomorrow as well, Nick?"

He exhaled, "I don't know Natalie. George's outlook for me is very positive, 
but I can't really say if I will be moving on."

Suddenly Natalie stopped walking as she faced him, clutching his arm out of 
fear that he might disappear in front of her eyes. She met his look as she 
said, her voice slightly breaking, "It's so unfair! We just met and, after 
tonight, we may not see each other ever again." Unhindered tears were 
rolling down her face as she continued to gaze lovingly into his blue eyes.

He set the box down, pulling her into a tender embrace and wrapping his arms 
around her as if he would never let her go. He could feel the wetness of her 
tears against his tupa, but it didn't seem to matter as his cheek brushed 
against her hair and he murmured, "Sssh...it's okay.

Pulling back slightly, he met her somber gaze, as he cupped her face in his 
hands, gently rubbing his thumbs against the silky smoothness of her cheeks. 
Leaning over, he planted a soft, tender kiss on her lips, a kiss that she 
could cherish forever, a kiss that displayed his deep heart feelings for 
her. Breaking apart slightly, Nick examined her face, studying every nuance 
as he brushed his fingers across her cheekbones, molding a lasting 
impression of her beauty in his mind.

The tears had subsided as she said. "Nick, I've always been able to take a 
situation and make it work. It hasn't been easy, in fact, it has involved a 
lot of hard work. But... this situation," she pointed with her hand at both 
of them, "isn't work..it's effortless. I've *never* ever had this feeling 
before; what I feel for you."

As he grasped her hand, he led her over to a bench. They sat down as he 
pulled her hand into his lap, caressing the soft knuckles with his thumbs. A 
wave of euphoria at her confession swept over him as he glanced up to meet 
her gentle look; her eyes reflecting total unconditional love. He moved his 
other hand to her face, gently touching her cheeks again as he said, his 
voice betraying a long, buried emotion, "Tell me about it. I didn't think it 
was ever going to happen."

Cradling her face in his hands, he smothered her with delicate kisses, 
sending a shiver of delight coarsing through her body to her nerve endings. 
As she wrapped her arms around his neck, running her fingers through his 
hair and showering her own kisses on his cheek, she murmured in his ear," 
Better this..than nothing."

"I guess," he uttered softly into her hair, snatching her up into a tight 
embrace as his lips found hers. Unlike the previous kiss, this one was 
different in nature. There was more desperation in its intensity as if this 
one incorporated a final goodbye. After a while, Natalie broke the kiss, 
reluctantly coming up for much needed air, her breaths coming in short, 
rapid bursts.

He pressed his forehead to hers as her breathing calmed. Emboldened by their 
ardent encounter, she asked without hesitation,"Want to spend the night with 
me?"

"More than anything else in the world," he said, ardently

Looking up, she grabbed his hand as she started to stand, "Good. Come on."

He pulled her down, a look of sadness registering on his face. "I don't 
think I can."

"Why?" she questioned, perplexed.

"This is already better than any relationship that I've ever had."

"But..Nick! We may never see one another ever again."

"I know," he said vehemently as his voice shook with emotion. "I know. But 
you must understand Natalie..If I had your strength, I would stay with you. 
I would never leave. But..I have been defending myself so hard these last 
few days. The guilt of my past has consumed me more than ever. These 
screenings have generated feelings of self-reproach in what I've done in my 
life and I feel..."

"You feel a call for self-inflicted retribution is required," she finished, 
nodding her head in understanding. As she gripped his hand and forced him to 
meet her eyes, she asked. "You feel you don't deserve any happiness, do you 
Nick?"

"Yes," he said fervently, clutching her hand tightly.

"And...by denying your own happiness, you can make partial amends and 
appease some of the guilt you have harbored for your past sins."

"Yes," he whispered, holding her hand in a death grip as emotions assaulted 
his senses.

"Well...I hate to burst your bubble, Nick...but.. you are wrong! I know you 
feel responsible for *every* loss of life, but you shouldn't as some of 
those losses were out of your hands. You will always believe you were at 
fault. And because of that, you've shut yourself off, wallowing in guilt. I 
don't know why....maybe you don't think you deserve to be happy.

He arched his eyebrows in surprise. "No, Natalie I..."

"Let me finish." Taking a deep breath, she felt her emotions roil to the 
surface as she continued, "I've only known you for a few days, but I see a 
good man...a decent man...one, who epitomizes gentleness, enormous empathy 
and selflessness...a man of honor...a noble man. In my short life span, I 
have never met a man, who displays all the qualities that you possess."

"Natalie, you don't really know me. I was such a monster," he insisted, his 
tone carrying deplorability.

"But... I know the man now," she stated honestly, patting his chest. "You 
aren't the same person. You probably did some horrible things in your 
lifetime, but you found the strength to overcome your waywardness; to find 
the willpower to stop the killing of human life all together. That amount of 
volition shows a tremendous fortitude you probably never thought you had."

"It took many centuries to achieve that willpower. I killed thousands before 
I made my decision to change."

"But... you did change. Most people find it very difficult to change; to 
look deep into themselves and make that sacrifice. You did! Don't be so hard 
on yourself. You deserve more than you give yourself credit for. You are 
worthy, Nick,.... of love and happiness," she stated the last few words as 
she caressed his cheek with her hand.

"I don't know, Natalie. I can't help the way I feel about the decision I 
made 800 years ago. The guilt still haunts me."

"Let the past go, Nick. When you do, you will find that sense of peace; that 
redemption you have been striving so steadfastly to find."

"I can't...," he voiced, his hand shaking in hers as he suddenly released 
it. "I can't! Don't you understand? My act of atonement is the only way to 
reconcile my guilt for my monstrous sins."

Observing his growing agitation, she said soothingly as she rubbed his back, 
"ssshh...Nick, it's okay." She paused, as she continued to rub his back, 
then she spoke, "I think we are missing a great opportunity here, but I 
don't want to push you into something that you aren't ready for. I love you 
too much to do that to you." Her voice started to crack as her vision 
blurred through unspilt tears. " You may think you'll just walk away from me 
and everything's going to go back to normal now. You think you'll be perhaps 
happier. You won't be, Nick. You'll be carrying your guilt around with you 
forever, and never be happy. You gotta learn to let go of that guilt, and 
forgive yourself." Wavering for a moment, she said as tears cascaded down 
her face, "I'll miss you, Nick and I'll *never* forget you."

Before he had a chance to say a word, she was gone. He didn't know any 
mortal could move as fast as she had. Looking desperately around, he started 
to run off in the direction he thought she would have gone, then he stopped. 
'What was the point in pursuing her now? They would probably be moving on in 
different directions tomorrow anyway, so why go through further pain of 
separation? It was for the best,' he reflected stubbornly.....

Defending my Unlife

April 2001

By: Patty Costantino

Chapter 9

He started walking, no where in particular, just wandering as if lost in a 
mist and trying futilely to discover where the clearing was hidden. His mind 
was a jumble of thoughts, coming quickly and fast like a locomotive running 
at full speed on a straight part of a railway track. Gathering speed, he 
took to the air, flying over the town so quickly that the buildings became a 
blur in his eyes. Soon, he was soaring over the land towards the mountains. 
Spotting a ravine, he landed at the base of the mountain near a stream. As 
he rested on a large rock, he covered his face with his hands, moving them 
through his hair as his eyes brimmed with blood tears.

He had lost her...He'd lost everything. What had he done? She was perfect 
for him. The one person in his entire 800 year existence, who had finally 
meant something, and understood him and he had thrown her away like an old 
dish towel. He had discarded her. For what? For his necessary, continual 
self-imposed punishment for the commitment of those ignominious crimes. Had 
he been so wrong in his judgement? No, he didn't think so. She didn't 
understand, no one could possibly understand what his life as a vampire had 
been like; the insurmountable weight of contrition he had to carry around 
his neck like a heavy chain; similar to the one which had weighted down Bob 
Marley's ghost in Charles Dicken's Christmas Carol. Nick smiled bitterly. 
His chains paled in comparison to what Nick's would have resembled, being 
three times the length.

Sitting quietly on that rock, Nick knew that the ongoing guilt hadn't 
manifested simply from his life as a vampire; his mortal life had also been 
plagued by these feelings as Antoine's death swirled around in his mind. 
Distant, familiar words echoed in his thoughts as he recalled Miss Miller's 
perceptive analysis,

"In the court's opinion, this one event that we are about to observe haunted 
Mr. Knight throughout his entire lifetime, it catapulted him into the 
continuous direction of contrition which has consumed him for almost 800 
years. "

Had this one event been the catalyst that had thrown him into the state of 
self-incrimination which he always found himself? Probably. As he thought 
back to the time after his brother's death, he'd become driven to make 
amends for his mistake; he'd taken on a mission in life to make reparation 
for Antoine's tragic demise. When he was old enough, he had joined the 
church delegation as an act of contrition and the crusades had followed 
shortly thereafter. Although it would have been expected of him to go off to 
the crusades as his father had done before him, Nick had used the religious 
following to atone for his brother's death. It was a way to appease his 
guilt.

When Nick had become disillusioned by the purpose of the crusades; to force 
men to conform to a religion which they did not understand nor did they 
want, he'd turned away from his God, allowing LaCroix to bring him across 
into this world of darkness. And so it began: his 800 years of searching for 
a cure to regain his mortality, centuries of seeking redemption, years of 
trying to lift his guilt. But.... the burden of guilt was still heavy on his 
heart, never lifting from his soul. Lifting from his soul?....George's words 
echoed in his mind...

"You have to understand, Nick, that guilt is like a giant fog..it sits on 
your brain and blocks everything...real feelings, true happiness, real joy. 
The brainwaves can't get through, but when the emotion is lifted, buddy, you 
are in for the ride of your life."

Guilt *was* like a giant fog, weighing him down as it consumed him. 
Sometimes it overwhelmed his senses so much that he was unable to see the 
forest for the clearing. But, could he lift this gigantic haze from his 
mind? Could he finally say that he had done all he could to atone for the 
guilt of murdering so much human life? Could he finally say enough was 
enough?

Nick picked up a small stone, throwing it in the stream and watching it 
ripple along the surface as he reflected on Natalie's words......

"But, how long do you feel you need to give back to society, to try to seek 
redemption for your past sins? At what point, do you say you have given 
enough?"

He had wondered about the duration of his atonement himself; Natalie had 
simply put it in perspective. He had replied to her question by saying God 
could only make that decision. But... sitting here in the quietness of the 
night, he wasn't so certain he felt the same way any longer. Perhaps, he 
needed to make the decision himself.

Natalie's words continued to resound in his ears.

"Do you *really* believe that God decides when we have atoned for our sins 
enough to earn His forgiveness? I don't believe that God works that way, 
Nick. He doesn't make the decision. *You* do. I feel that you have to decide 
at what point you have made enough amends for your past. You have to draw 
the line as to when you have more than made up for your transgressions. You 
see, Nick. I have always believed that you need to *ask* for forgiveness; 
that it isn't something that is *earned*. Until you reach down within 
yourself and find the strength to have your sins absolved by God, without 
feeling the necessity for reparation, then you won't feel *worthy* of asking 
for forgiveness. You need to get to that point in your life, Nick where 
guilt doesn't rule your life."

He had always thought that he needed to earn God's forgiveness rather than 
to ask for it. Could it be possible for a vampire like him to ask for 
forgiveness for all his past sins? He was beginning to feel he could 
actually do it: to be absolved by God for his many transgressions. What did 
he need to move in that direction; to come to the altar and ask humbly for 
forgiveness? He knew the answer without hesitation; without a second 
thought; it had been there all along. He needed to have faith. Faith had 
eluded him for so long.....since the time that he had turned away from the 
church and become a vampire. Could he find the strength to reclaim his 
faith? Joan of Arc had told him once...

"The faith you have lost is always there to reclaim."

Suddenly as if a beacon had gone off in his head, he realized that although 
his guilt would probably never go away, he could find the courage to reclaim 
his faith and ask for forgiveness. If he could find redemption, some of the 
guilt could be lifted and he could possibly move on: he wanted to advance in 
this universe, preferably with Natalie by his side. He didn't want to return 
to earth as a vampire and he didn't want to lose her...

As he fell to his knees, he pressed his hands together and for the first 
time in eight centuries, he did what he had wanted to do for so long, but 
out of trepidation and a feeling of unworthiness, he had always stopped 
himself from doing it: He prayed........and a warmth blanketed him in a 
comforting cocoon as a long forgotten peace descended on him.

*************************************

The shadow of a lone figure stood outside Natalie's bedroom balcony. Nick 
peered into the dark room, his face studying the sleeping form of his love, 
his life...a part of his soul. Unable to resist the temptation, he slid the 
door open, treading over to the bed. He fended off the urge to touch her, 
not wanting to frighten her. Instead, he indulged in admiring her beauty as 
she slept.

Suddenly, she moved from her left side onto her back, pushing the bedcovers 
down to reveal her voluptuous body which was covered with a white lacy 
nightgown. Her auburn tresses were spread out on the pillow, resembling 
bright red flames and her soft white skin was highlighted in the pale 
moonlight, making her look like a Greek alabaster statue. She was both 
Aphrodite and Venus all rolled into one. She was so beautiful.

Nick closed his eyes, attempting to cement the vision in his mind forever in 
case she decided that she didn't want to see him any longer. At least, he 
would have this long lasting memory to carry with him throughout the 
universe. He must have made a sound because when he opened his eyes, she was 
staring at him. He began, in a humble voice, "Natalie, can you forgive me?"

Without a word, she reached up her arms to him, her eyes denoting complete 
devotion. In that moment, he knew they would always be together; their life 
would start now and go on for an eternity. He leaned over as she gathered 
him up and cradled him. The emotions of the past few hours overtook him as 
he wept on her chest, streaks of blood pooling on her white nightgown. 
Natalie stroked his head, murmuring tender, loving words into his hair as he 
continued to cry.

Finally, as he regained his composure, he looked up at her, cupping her chin 
in his hands. "I'm sorry Natalie....I guess the thought of losing you caused 
me to do that."

"It's alright, Nick....it's been pretty emotional for both of us."

He caressed her cheek as he leaned in to kiss her. "I love you, 
Natalie...I've finally found happiness with you and I have renewed my faith 
which I've been searching for all these centuries; thanks to you. I don't 
want to *ever* let you go."

"I love you, too, Nick....I'm going to stick to you like glue," she grinned 
as she stroked his face.

He started to trail light kisses along her neck up to her face and down 
again, making conversation impossible. She gathered his head between her 
hands, bringing his mouth down on hers. The kisses became more demanding as 
she parted her lips, allowing Nick to deepen the kiss. Their passions 
mounted quickly as the internal fire consumed them.......

*********************************

The air was silver as Nick lay on the bed, Natalie resting her head on his 
chest. She lifted her head, marveling at the naked beauty of his form, 
seeing at once the man she loved and the blueprint of the young boy she 
never knew. With guilty pleasure, she recalled the sight of their bodies 
intertwined in passion, her own soft whimpers as they had become one, and 
how she had buried her face in his neck to stifle her screams. And she had 
done so knowing that it was what she both needed and wanted; she had closed 
her eyes, giving herself to him without reserve.

As she reached up to touch the puncture marks, she remembered with delight 
the erotic feeling of his fangs burying into her neck and draining the life 
>from her. He had taken every last drop of her blood, but it hadn't made a 
bit of difference as she regenerated quickly with no ill effects.

Natalie sighed as she glanced down to admire Nick's sleeping form again. 
Instead, deep-blue eyes graced her's in total wonder. He brushed a stray 
curl from her face, his hand moving over to cup her chin. "Never in my 800 
years have I felt such peace as I feel with you. You have given me so much 
to be thankful for, my dearest Natalie."

She smiled earnestly, reaching over to kiss him. "I guess that happy pill 
kicked in, didn't it Nick? All those years of denying yourself any joy 
overtook you."

"But, I needed to be with the right person for that happiness to take me 
over the edge," he grinned, suddenly grabbing her waist and tickling her 
sides. She erupted in laughter as he wrecked havoc on her body.

She slapped his chest playfully as she pleaded, "Stop that Nick...before I 
*do* die of laughter."

He laughed, then becoming serious, he said, "Natalie, I don't know what my 
verdict will be in court this morning. I have a good feeling about 
advancement, but if I am unable to...."

Before he could finish, she placed her hand on his mouth, "Nick, let's not 
dwell on what the future holds for us. Let's just enjoy each other while we 
can."

He pulled her down into a long, deep kiss; his hands became more loving and 
tender as they roamed up and down her body, sending chills up her spine. As 
she groaned, he turned her on her back as he pulled away slightly. 
Disappointment in the halt of his ministrations was apparent on her face 
until she regarded Nick's adoring eyes. He gazed upon her with such 
tenderness that it took her breath away. "Natalie, I know you know that I 
love you, but I want to express my love in a way that you might understand 
the depth of my feelings."

She started to speak as he silenced her with his fingers. With a poetic tone 
to his voice, he spoke with an eloquence; his eyes never wavering from 
her's,

O MY Luve's like a red, red rose

That's newly sprung in June!

O my Luve's like the melodie

That's sweetly play'd in tune!

As fair art thou, my bonnie lass,

So deep in luve am I;

And I will luve thee still, my dear,

Till a' the seas gang dry-

Till a' the seas gang dry, my dear,

And the rocks melt wi' the sun;

I will luve thee still, my dear,

While the sands o' life shall run.

And fare thee weel, my only Luve!

And fare thee weel awhile!

And I will come again, my Luve,

Tho' it were ten thousand mile.

After the last words were spoken, Natalie reached up to touch his cheek, 
tears of joy glistening in her eyes. She was speechless; no one had ever 
uttered such endearing, tender words like those to her. Finding her voice, 
she whispered, her heartfelt emotions rising to the surface, "Nick, that was 
the most beautiful recitation of a love poem I have ever heard. You have 
moved me beyond words. C. Burns couldn't have done a better job on his own 
poem." She smiled, pulling him down into a gentle kiss.

Nick flashed a warm smile, proud of his ability to produce such a response 
>from her. "I wanted to get it just right, Natalie. I thought the words of 
Burn's poem expressed what I feel for you right here," he moved her hand to 
the center of his chest over his heart. She caressed the fine, blond hairs 
over that region as he captured her lips in a passionate kiss, the intensity 
building as their hands explored secret crevices, the desires burning like 
molten lava, sending them over the edge.......

Defending my Unlife

April 2001

By: Patty Costantino

Chapter 10

Nick rushed down the corridor, arriving a few minutes late to his court 
hearing. Leaving Natalie had been difficult; almost an impossibility. Before 
he had departed, she had called her lawyer, Larry Stevens, for information 
about their departure destinations once verdicts were determined. They had 
learned from him that, regardless of the outcome, their attorneys would 
escort them to the same train station where they would board the appropriate 
tram, either advancing to the next level in the universe or returning to 
Earth.

Nick had opened the door to leave Natalie as she'd rushed into his arms one 
more time, her eyes brimming with tears. He'd embraced her tightly, 
promising that he would never leave her and that they would always be 
together. Shaking his head at the resonance of those words, he'd had another 
momentary illusion of previously experiencing this situation somewhere else, 
saying these words to another. Discarding the feeling, he'd kissed her long 
and hard, the kiss having undertones of desperation in it. They'd pulled 
away reluctantly as Nick opened the door, swiftly leaving a distraught 
Natalie behind.

As he stood in front of the double doors, leading into the courtroom, he 
mouthed a silent prayer of a positive verdict. If he couldn't move on with 
her, he didn't know what he would do...well he didn't want to think about it 
now. He grabbed the doorknob and turned it slowly.

As he entered the room, he noticed that everyone was awaiting his arrival. 
George strode up to him immediately, energetic as usual as he punched him in 
the shoulder. "Hiya, Nick. Old boy! Have a great night?" he asked, winking 
as if he knew what transpired between he and Natalie.

He replied in a tentative voice, "Yes, George. It was wonderful."

His attorney led him over to his desk, then leaning over, he whispered, 
"This hearing shouldn't be too long today. Just some closing arguments and 
you should be home free."

"By 'home free' I hope you mean I will be advancing," he said with optimism.

"You're absolutely correct, my boy," he affirmed, slapping him on the back. 
"Why don't you sit down, so we can get the show on the road," George 
suggested, pointing to Nick's chair.

As he took his seat, the female judge stated, nodding to George. "You may 
proceed with your summation, Mr. Phillips."

"Thank you, your honors. I would like to conclude that based on the evidence 
shown on Mr. Knight's flashbacks, the defense feels that no apparent guilt 
was reflected in these days which were chosen by the prosecution," he 
paused, studying Miss Miller closely, then he continued. "Therefore the 
defense feels that Mr. Knight has sufficiently passed his problem of 
controlling his guilt which would prevent him from becoming a remarkable 
citizen of the universe. I wholeheartedly recommend 
full...onward...movement. I rest," George concluded, shaking his head in 
encouragement to Nick as he took his seat.

"Miss Miller, you may proceed with your summation of the defendant," the 
male judge acknowledged.

The prosecutor marched over to Nick's chair, clicking her heels as she 
moved. She stared at the group for a long moment as if to gather her 
thoughts, then she proceeded. "Your honors, for my summation, I would like 
to show another tape."

A sudden quiet descended on the courtroom as everyone weighed the impact of 
Miss Miller's words. George was the first one to recover. "This procedure is 
highly irregular, your honors. The prosecution had a chance to examine 5 
days, but elected only 4 prior to the summation. I don't believe that 
another day may be examined."

"Other days may be examined if the prosecution finds that it is warranted 
and I believe I can prove that this particular day in Mr. Knight's life will 
reflect his guilt, your honors," Miss Miller countered.

"Okay, Miss Miller, you may proceed," the male judge asserted.

"What I am about to show the court did *not* take place on Earth, but *here* 
last night."

"Objection. Since when do we show events that occur here in Judgement City. 
I thought we did away with all that," George boomed.

"No, Mr. Phillips, the prosecution can pick any event whether it is on Earth 
or not," the female judge explained.

"This is news to me," George shrugged as he looked over at a confused Nick.

Nick watched this discussion unfold between everyone, wondering what 
possible event the prosecution had on him, now. Groaning to himself, he 
wondered if after reaching this point, he was going to be shot down; whether 
Miss Miller had finally found sufficient evidence to nail him to the cross.

The prosecutor turned to the screen as she explained. "What you are about to 
see took place on a bench outside of Dr. Lambert's hotel last night. The 
conversation that Mr. Knight had with this woman will provide sufficient 
proof of his perpetual self-contrition. In other words, I believe that the 
discussion between the two of them will reflect Mr. Knight's ongoing guilt. 
Without further ado, I would like to proceed."

*****************flashback to last night***************

Nick and Natalie were sitting on the park bench in a tender embrace as 
Natalie started to get up.

"Want to spend the night with me?"

"More than anything else in the world."

"Good. Come on."

"I don't think I can."

"Why?"

"This is already better than any relationship that I've ever had."

"But..Nick! We may never see one another ever again."

"I know, I know. But you must understand Natalie..If I had your strength, I 
would stay with you. I would never leave. But..I have been defending myself 
so hard these last few days. The guilt of my past has consumed me more than 
ever. These screenings have generated feelings of self-reproach in what I've 
done in my life and I feel..."

"You feel a call for self-inflicted retribution is required. You feel you 
don't deserve any happiness, do you Nick?"

"Yes."

"And...by denying your own happiness, you can make partial amends and 
appease some of the guilt you have harbored for your past sins."

"Yes."

"Well...I hate to burst your bubble, Nick...but.. you are wrong! I know you 
feel responsible for *every* loss of life, but you shouldn't as some of 
those losses were out of your hands. You will always believe you were at 
fault. And because of that, you've shut yourself off, wallowing in guilt. I 
don't know why....maybe you don't think you deserve to be happy.

"No, Natalie I..."

"Let me finish. I've only known you for a few days, but I see a good man...a 
decent man...one, who epitomizes gentleness, enormous empathy and 
selflessness...a man of honor...a noble man. In my short life span, I have 
never met a man, who displays all the qualities that you possess."

"Natalie, you don't really know me. I was such a monster."

"But... I know the man now. You aren't the same person. You probably did 
some horrible things in your lifetime, but you found the strength to 
overcome your waywardness; to find the willpower to stop the killing of 
human life all together. That amount of volition shows a tremendous 
fortitude you probably never thought you had."

"It took many centuries to achieve that willpower. I killed thousands before 
I made my decision to change."

"But... you did change. Most people find it very difficult to change; to 
look deep into themselves and make that sacrifice. You did! Don't be so hard 
on yourself. You deserve more than you give yourself credit for. You are 
worthy, Nick,.... of love and happiness."

"I don't know, Natalie. I can't help the way I feel about the decision I 
made 800 years ago. The guilt still haunts me."

"Let the past go, Nick. When you do, you will find that sense of peace; that 
redemption you have been striving so steadfastly to find."

"I can't... I can't! Don't you understand? My act of atonement is the only 
way to reconcile my guilt for my monstrous sins."

"ssshh...Nick, it's okay. I think we are missing a great opportunity here, 
but I don't want to push you into something that you aren't ready for. I 
love you too much to do that to you. You may think you'll just walk away 
>from me and everything's going to go back to normal now. You think you'll be 
perhaps happier. You won't be, Nick. You'll be carrying your guilt around 
with you forever, and never be happy. You gotta learn to let go of that 
guilt, and forgive yourself. I'll miss you, Nick and I'll *never* forget 
you."

****************end of flashback*********************

The lights came on in the room as the screen dimmed. Before Nick had time to 
regain his equilibrium, Miss Miller was attacking him like a spider pouncing 
on a fly. "Mr. Knight, please tell us what you were feeling when you were 
watching this tape?"

He said, barely above a whisper, "Guilt."

"What was that again, Mr. Knight?"

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat as he stated, in a clearer tone, 
"Guilt."

Miss Miller smiled in a complacent manner, then satisfied, she concluded, 
"Based on Mr. Knight's answer, I recommend that he be returned to Earth to 
sort out this continuous problem with guilt."

The realization of her recommendation catapulted Nick over the edge. Before 
she could return to her seat, he had sprung up from his chair, standing 
before the judge's desk. "Wait a minute, your honors, Miss Miller did not 
show the rest of the tape."

The male judge questioned in a curious voice, "Miss Miller, was that all of 
the tape?"

"As far as I know, your honors," she responded, shrugging her shoulders.

"No, there was more that the prosecution is either unwilling to show or 
unaware of the events which took place after that conversation," he 
insisted, and if vampires could have blushed, he would have been a bright 
red as he thought of what he needed to reveal to these judges in order to 
prove the prosecutor wrong. He elaborated, in a quiet voice, "In that 
conversation, I *did* voice my guilt, but upon reflection and a great deal 
of prayer, I discovered what was more important to me. I wanted to overcome 
some of my guilt so that I could possibly advance in this universe and spend 
an eternity with Dr. Lambert. In order to do both, I needed to reach down 
within myself and find the courage to ask for forgiveness from God. I did, 
and for the first time in centuries I found that I could set aside some of 
my guilt because of the absolution I received from HIM. If HE could forgive 
me then I could forgive myself. After finally feeling a sense of redemption, 
I went back to Dr. Lambert."

"Did you stay with her, Mr, Knight?" the male judge queried.

Nick mumbled, "yes, I did."

"Louder, so we can all hear, " he repeated.

He said through gritted teeth, embarrassed, "yes, I did."

"Okay, Mr. Knight, do you have anything else to add?" the female judge 
asked.

"Just that I feel I have overcome my sense of contrition enough to move on. 
And as someone once told me, 'guilt was like a fog, settling on my brain.' I 
can truefully say to that person, the fog has lifted." Nick turned to look 
at George as their eyes locked on each other in a moment of understanding.

Nick sat back down as the male judge said, "Very nice closing argument, Mr. 
Knight. We will take your summation into account when reaching our decision. 
Court adjourned."

*********************************

As they sat in George's office, awaiting the outcome of Nick's hearing, the 
lawyer explained, his voice carrying a note of calmness, "These decisions 
can take a while, Nick, so just try to relax."

"Relax! Relax! How can I do that? The fate of my life or unlife rests in the 
hands of these judges. I'm not exactly in a restful state at the moment, 
George," he commented as he rose from the sofa and started to pace in a 
nervous fashion around the room.

Suddenly the phone on George's desk rang. Grabbing the receiver, George 
pressed the device to his ear. "Yes?", then a moment of silence as the 
person on the other end spoke. "Of course, I understand. Thank you," he 
agreed, hanging up the phone.

A silence hung in the air as Nick's lawyer looked up at him. Nick came 
around the desk, grabbing a hold of George's shoulders. "Well......was that 
the verdict?"

He studied Nick a moment, then he answered in a noncommittal tone, "Yes, it 
was..."

"Well, what happened?" Nick shook him again.

"They recommended that you be returned to Earth," he said, blowing out his 
breath in frustration.

George continued to talk, but Nick barely heard a word as his thoughts of 
Natalie and what he had promised her arose in his mind. He couldn't leave 
her; he had promised her that they would be together for all eternity. This 
nightmare couldn't be happening to him. Coming out of his musings, he heard 
George say, "Nick, you won't recall any of this when you return to Earth. 
You will go on, living as a vampire from the moment you died in Toronto 
until such time that you return to us again. But all memory of your stay 
with us in Judgement City will be erased. That means, you won't remember Dr. 
Lambert either. It will make things easier for you."

"Okay...whatever you say, George...let's just make this quick, shall we?" 
Nick said in a resigned way, his voice betraying anguish.

Discerning his mood, George escorted him out of the office in silence....

*************************

At the train station, the crowd was descending on the platform, forming two 
lines of people; one queue taking everyone onward to the next universe; the 
other returning to Earth. Nick didn't bother to look around for Natalie as 
he felt sure she would be waiting for him on the tram. The pain was becoming 
unbearable as he quickly said goodbye to George, thanking him for 
everything. He started to walk towards his train. He had come so far in his 
quest for redemption, finding the fortitude to appease some of his guilt and 
ask forgiveness. He had also been able to love a woman without feeling 
unworthy of her love; without feeling undeserving of happiness for once in 
his life. How could he let all that he had worked so hard for disappear? The 
salvation....the love and happiness that he had been seeking all these 
centuries. How could he let it go? No! He couldn't! He wouldn't! Not now! 
Not ever! He wasn't about to let all those achievements escape like sand 
through a sieve, now that he had accomplished the impossible.

Suddenly, Nick took off, flying through the air to the other train as it 
started to leave the station. Seeing a wisp of auburn hair next to one of 
the doors, Nick flew swiftly to that spot. Natalie looked up in relief at 
Nick's grim face. He tried in vain to open the doors, oddly enough his 
vampire strength couldn't even pry them open an inch. He yelled at her. 
"Natalie, open the door from the inside."

She also tried futilely to move the doors, but they wouldn't budge. As the 
train picked up speed, Nick was even more determined not the leave Natalie 
even if it meant riding the train from the outside. He had the strength to 
hold on. "I won't leave you Natalie..."

*********************************

In a darkened room, George, Miss Miller and the two judges were witnessing 
the spectacle in the train station from a large viewing screen. George eyed 
Miss Miller as he commented, "There's your proof, Miss Miller. If anyone 
thinks he is deserving of true happiness and love, that fella sure thinks 
so. Seems to me he doesn't feel so guilty anymore if he shows these traits. 
How about it, Miss Miller, shouldn't he be able to advance now?"

She studied the screen for a long moment as she made her decision, then she 
heaved a sigh in resignation. "Alright.. if your honors want to release him 
to the universe, it's okay with me." She paused, then pointing to the screen 
as she insisted stubbornly. "But...I still say there goes one guilt 
strickened individual."

An unknown figure, who was standing in the shadows of the room, nodded to 
the two judges in the affirmative to allow the train doors to open...

********************************

Nick had a firm hold on the doors as the train picked up speed. Again, he 
attempted to pull the steel frame apart, but he couldn't move the metal an 
inch. 'It must be some sort of reinforced alloy that even vampires couldn't 
pry apart,' he guessed as he tried again to open the door. Natalie looked 
over at him with concern and fear written on her face. He was signaling that 
he was okay when suddenly, the doors were flung wide, throwing Nick into the 
interior of the train. Natalie managed to avert a collison with him, swiftly 
moving at the last moment to the side. She regained her composure 
immediately, as she leaned over Nick, turning him over and gathering him up 
into her arms. "Are you okay, Nick?" she asked, smothering him with kisses. 
"I was so worried....when I didn't see you at the station, I knew something 
must have happened....thank goodness you are all right!" A feeling of relief 
descended on her as she brushed light kisses over his face. Glancing up, she 
rubbed her hand over his cheek. "Don't ever scare me like that again."

"I'll try not too, Natalie. That was too close for comfort. I don't know 
what I did just now, but someone from above must have been looking out for 
us." As if someone were truly observing them, he raised his face towards the 
ceiling of the train. "Anyway, I promised you that I would never leave you 
and that we would always be together...well, I came through, didn't I?" he 
smiled a sheepish grin.

Natalie leaned over and gave him another kiss, lingering this time around 
his mouth. "Yes, I must say, you do keep your promises."

She helped him to his feet, sitting in the seat behind them as the train 
began to pick up speed. She reached over to hold Nick's hand in a tight 
grip, still afraid that he might vanish before her eyes. His palm suddenly 
seemed warmer in her soft hand as she rubbed his knuckles in a gentle 
manner. Natalie observed him for a moment as the sudden possiblities came to 
her. She reached up her other hand to his cheek, feeling the warmth on his 
smooth skin, then she moved down to his neck, checking his pulse. She could 
feel the slow, intermittent beats under the surface.

Nick looked over at her, bewildered by her examination. "Natalie, what are 
you doing? I know that you said you would have studied me on Earth, if you 
had been given the chance, but I think that it's too late now." He smiled 
and leaned over to whisper in her ear, in a seductive voice, "But you can 
study me later in other ways, if you know what I mean."

"Nick, you don't realize what has happened, do you?" she cried as she 
attempted to maintain a professional air despite his enticing words. (At 
least for the moment!) She gathered his wrist in her hand, checking his 
pulse point to ensure her diagnosis was correct. She broadened her grin as 
she moved his hand up to his chest, pressing it against the material of his 
tupa. Even through the thick fabric, Nick could feel the thumping of his own 
heart, beating at a consistent pace.

His eyes grew wide at the realization of what had occurred. Joy and 
excitment prevailed as he scooped her up in his arms. "I'm human, Nat. I 
must have passed the final hurdle. I've finally regained my mortality."

Words escaped her as she simply held him. After a while, they pulled back, 
grinning foolishly at one another. Nick brushed a strand of hair from her 
face, looking at her in wonder. "Well, I hope you can still love me now that 
the vampire is gone."

She gazed at him with complete love and adoration. "Nick, I would love you 
no matter what you were. I love you for yourself!" she said, molding her 
hands around his face and bringing his mouth down on hers in a passionate 
kiss.

Breaking apart, Nick smiled at her warmly, then he stared out the window at 
a solid white tunnel. The train was tearing along at a fast clip. Curious 
about their new destination, Nick leaned over to Natalie and asked, "I 
wonder what our new accomodations will be like in the next universe?"

Natalie tilted her head, baffled by his interesting question. "I don't know 
Nick. I haven't given it much thought. Why do you ask?"

"Because the last place I stayed at was a dump," he stated, bluntly.

She giggled, placing her hand over her mouth to stifle her chorkles. "I 
forgot that you said your place reminded you of Shantytown, right?"

"Yes, and I may have had trouble with unworthiness when it came to love, but 
one thing's for sure, Natalie, I *never* have felt undeserving of 
pretentious accomodations when I want them. I always believe in the best 
around. Preferably, a room with an abundance of remotes."

"You mean that the Tide's Inn didn't provide you with a remote for your 
T.V.?" she asked, her face denoting mock horror. "How did you survive, 
Nick?"

"It wasn't easy," he said in a playful way. "It wasn't easy at all." After a 
moment of silence, Nick smiled and asked, "Do you think they will have those 
new tubs with holes in them, Natalie?"

"Very funny, Nick." She ribbed him in the side as he pretended to howl in 
pain.

"Be careful Natalie. I'm human now. I need tender loving care," he murmured 
in her ear.

"Well...we'll need to work on that care as soon as possible, won't we, Mr. 
Knight?" she teased. "Maybe the treatment can be started in that tub with 
holes," she added, winking knowingly at him.

He put his arm around her shoulders as she leaned into him, the train 
continuing its journey...

************************************

Several pairs of eyes were studying the couple from a widescreen in a small, 
darkened room.. One of the pairs of eyes moved closer to a light which was 
situated on a desk in the middle of the room. It was the female judge in 
Nick's hearing. She reached for a glass of water on a table next to the 
desk. "What do you think? Now that they have overcome their obstacles, 
should we lift their amnesia?"

Another shadow crossed the room to pour a drink of water from a decanter, 
then sipping from his glass, the male judge at Nick's examination said, 
concurring, "Yes, I think they should know what really happened to them 
before they arrived at Judgement City. It's the just thing to do." There was 
a momentary silence as another figure appeared from the corner. "What do you 
think, your eminence?" the male judge inquired, bowing to the person 
standing before them.

The person clasped his two hands together as he pointed his two forefingers 
at the judge. "Man o'man, when are you guys gonna to get it straight....It's 
Donald Schanke. Because I like you two, you can call me Don. Maybe when 
we're better friends, you can call me Donut Don."

"Sorry, your eminenc....I mean...Don," he apologized.

"It's just that you are such a supreme being, Don...no one has ever used 60% 
of their brain before....not ever..in the entire universe. We feel you 
should be bestowed a more reverent title," the female judge explained.

"aaa....reverent...smeverent," he said, dismissing their compliments with a 
wave of his hand. "And to answer your question, your honorship. We do 
nothing....Nada....Not a thing. I think we should leave well enough alone, 
especially that ol'partner of mine." Schanke shook his head at the 
remembrance of his days with Nick. "That ol'Nicky boy sure could get angsy 
around the precinct and crime scenes...imagine if he knew about killing ol' 
Nat.. That would just send him over edge...Besides, just looky here at these 
two lovebirds, now," he pointed at the screen where Nick and Natalie could 
been observed in a passionate embrace. "Best friends...yeah right and I'm 
Elvis," Schanke snickered, rolling his eyes and blowing out his breath. "I 
knew there was more to their relationship than met the eye. Can't get up 
early enough in the ol' mornin to fool this ol'cowpoke. Yes, siree," he 
said, tapping his finger to the side of his head.

"Yes, Don. You are quite knowledgable," the male judge agreed.

"Exceptional, sir...I mean... Don," the other judge said.

"Now that we've settled that. Can't a fella get some of that wonderful brown 
stuff that looks like sh*t to eat?"

"Certainly Don....we'll order some to be brought up here," the male judge 
suggested.

"Great!" Schanke exclaimed, rubbing his hands together in anticipation of 
the soon-to-be delivered meal. "I can't wait to dig in...This food is 
delicious...tastes just like souvlaki.." he commented, licking his lips, 
then changing the subject, he continued, "Now about the guy, who was brought 
in last night. I know him too. He needs to be brought down a peg or 
two...always thought he was a Caesar or something. Man o'man, he gave Nicky 
boy a hard time. This guy was soooo power hungry. I think we need to 
consider reincarnation for him. What do you think?"

"We don't do reincarnations very often, Don," the male judge explained.

"Yes, we don't like to send people back to Earth as someone else, but we 
could always make an exception," the female judge offered.

Schanke studied them, folding his hands in front of him. "Well, hombres, I 
think this situation calls for drastic measures. This guy needs to be taught 
a lesson." He thought a moment about the possibilities. "How does white 
slavery sound?"

"Never been done before, Don," the female judge replied, in a tone of 
surprise.

"Well, there's always a first time, right guys?" He smiled at the image of 
LaCroix as a submissive young *human* girl in a white slave camp. 'Yes,' 
Schanke thought, 'that would be the perfect lesson for the great Roman 
General.'....

The End



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