CONTENT WARNINGS: This story is an ADULT Nick & Nat story. It contains explicit sex (m/f) [Nick/Nat]. If such content would offend you, do NOT read and hit the DELETE key. PERMISSION IS GRANTED to archive this story at FKFANFIC Archive, FKFANFIC 2 Archive, the FKFTP site, JADFE Archive, and DARK NICK & NAT Archives ONLY. Anyone else must ask permission from me first. It will also be available at my fiction site at http://home.att.net/~nitemar/. DEDICATION: You can blame the posting of this story on the N&NNUTS and their encouragement/harassment. And a very special thanks to my beta reader Nightlady! DISCLAIMERS: The Forever Knight characters belong to Columbia Tri/Star. No copyright infringement is intended. TIMELINE: This story occurs after the events in the episode 'Feeding the Beast' with Nick battling his beast with the 12-step program and the harsh words spoken to Natalie at The Raven about 'seeking some dark sexual thrill'. *************** Dark Awakenings By NiteMar January 2002 *************** Part 1 "Nat will probably examine the body tonight and we'll see if the knife matches," Schanke rambled, talking about the case on their way to the victim's house. "We know the uncle collects knives, but I don't know if he would be that stupid." Schanke took a sip of his coffee and continued, oblivious to Nick's inattention. "You know, to use something he obviously collects and has access to... Yet, if the crime was in anger, some crime of passion, it could happen. With all those stab wounds, it points to a crime of passion. I mean, whoever it was just kept stabbing and stabbing her like they couldn't stop. So, if it was the uncle's knife, what was he so worked up about to have killed her like that? What do you think, Nick?" Schanke looked over at his partner who was driving in a daze, dead to the world around him. How many times had he seen Nick do this? It freaked him out every time. "NICK..." Nick suddenly glanced over at Schanke. "Yeah?" "Sheesh, Nick. Where were you at? Did you hear anything I said?" Schanke whined. "Maybe you should start over," Nick said with a sigh. Nick had been deep in his own thoughts ever since they had left the station, trying to sort things out. Natalie hadn't come to the phone when he had called her earlier at the morgue, giving another excuse and continuing to avoid him. Schanke rolled his eyes. "Maybe you should tell me what you're so preoccupied about or you'll just do it again." Nick sighed as he thought back to when things had changed with Nat, of the events surrounding the 12-step program when he lost control. He had apologized to Nat, but he worried that it wasn't enough. He had said things to her, accusing her of a sick interest in him as a medical puzzle, even as a dark sexual thrill, as if their friendship meant nothing at all. Natalie meant more to him than he usually was able to admit. And now, his feelings for her were in the forefront of his mind. "I'm just worried about Nat, Schank. She's not talking to me. With what happened last week, she's just avoiding me." Glancing over at his partner and friend, he admitted, "Nothing I do is working, Schank. I don't know what to do anymore." So that was it, Schanke thought. Natalie was still giving him the cold shoulder over that incident at the Raven. Natalie never would say afterwards what had happened between the two of them in that room or what was said, but he had seen its effect on her. "Hey Pard, she really seemed hurt at whatever you said to her that night. I know you were messed up then but you have to do something special for her to make it up, take her some place real nice. Work things out." Nick sighed. "I don't know if I can even get her to agree to that." He glanced over at Schank and forced a smile, thankful for his friend's concern. "But I'll try. Thanks, Schank." ------- Nat sat at her desk a few minutes before starting the next autopsy. It had been a busy night with the shootings at the subway terminal. Sipping her coffee, she dwelled on what she had thought over for the past week, but had not been willing to discuss with anyone. Nat had felt confused and scared after Nick's harshly spoken words, '...seeking some dark sexual thrill?' when he had lost control at The Raven. At first, his words had stunned and insulted her, but then she felt confused as she realized the truth in his words. She did have an attraction to Nick when he was in such a dangerous state. Nat recalled how she had felt when she first saw him sit up on her table and the adrenaline rushed through her blood. She was frightened and excited, attracted to him in a way that confused and yet aroused her. What excited her? The unknown? Or the dangerous, deadly situation that presented itself? Was something wrong with her and her interest in Nick? She had tried to pretend her interest in Nick was like being interested in any man. She denied her attraction to the vampire by attempting to make him mortal again. She had been kidding herself all along. It was Nick she was attracted to as he was now, a vampire. Last week at The Raven, she had felt the same fascination and power when he had said those accusing words to her. Did he understand something about her that she didn't? Was something wrong with her for her desires? Where was this all leading to? She had never been more confused. Nick had apologized numerous times since that night at The Raven for his behavior, asking her forgiveness. What he didn't know was that she already had forgiven him. Her avoidance of him had nothing to do with being mad at him. Didn't he know how right he really was? Seeing him like that did excite her; the danger thrilled her. But she was more afraid of herself and what she saw in herself when she saw him like that. She was afraid of just how much she sought a dark sexual thrill being with him, scared she would fall down a dark spiral into depths from which she would not be able to escape. She was terrified it might end in her death or worse. She stood from her desk and went back to work. Once again she pushed aside her thoughts, continuing to avoid her feelings and forcing herself not to give in to the desires she had for Nick. She hadn't even been able to look him in the eye when she talked with him lately, assuming a safe professional demeanor with him, preferably with at least one other person present. As Nat slipped on the latex gloves and prepared to start another autopsy, she looked around at the room, suddenly aware of the irony of it all. Here she was working the graveyard shift as she had for so many years, her life one of the night, just like Nick's. The people she saw most were dead... or undead. She stared at the table, another corpse waiting for her attention. It was no wonder she was attracted to someone like Nick. Nat smiled as her thoughts drifted to Steve, who had called her unexpectedly the other night. They had dated back in college, but drifted apart during their hectic intern years and had never gotten back together. Her times with Steve in the past had been wonderful. He always could cheer her up and take away the stress of her intense long hours as she strove to be so perfect in a male dominated career. When the relationship started to get too serious, and with the responsibilities she had at the time, she couldn't give him the time he wanted. So, they had parted amicably, friends and would-be lovers. Steve had recently transferred to Toronto to join a practice with some colleagues. He wanted to see her again, to talk over old times. She suspected he also wanted to see if they could pick things up years later, especially with his obvious questions. "Are you married?" "Are you seeing anyone special right now?" Pushing aside her thoughts, Nat stepped to the table and uncovered the body. It was excessively riddled with knife wounds. My God, what this poor woman had endured before her death... and after it by the looks of it. Nat sighed as she started to examine the wounds and record her findings. Some time later, Nat pulled off her gloves as she stretched her stiff muscles. Glancing at the clock, she noted that she'd been working on this customer for better than three hours, not bad considering the numerous wounds she'd had to document. As Nat rotated her shoulders to ease the stiffness, her thoughts again turned to Steve. He was taking her to breakfast this morning, picking her up here after her shift. She smiled inwardly at the prospect of sitting in the sun, eating breakfast at the sidewalk café with a man who did more than push food around on his plate, a man with the sunshine glinting off his hair. As if on cue, the phone rang. Nat picked up the phone, smiling at the sound of his voice. "Hi, Natalie." "Steve. What's up?" "I know it's a little early, but I was wondering if I could pick you up sooner than we agreed this morning... unless you can't get away." "No, that'll be fine, Steve. It was a crazy night for awhile, but I just need to finish a few things up and I'll be ready. So when should I expect you?" "How about an hour?" ------- Nick stood outside the door to Nat's office, listening to her on the phone. He hadn't meant to eavesdrop on her conversation, but as he approached the door, he had heard her talking. He had stopped outside, allowing her to continue her call without interruption, and then he realized she was talking to a man she had a date with for breakfast. He had to act quickly. Not only was she avoiding him and pushing him away, she was seeking out companionship with another man. Not that he had any real claim on her, but he had hopes that someday... Nick was jarred from his thoughts as he heard Nat ending the conversation. Nick took a few noisy steps and entered the room as if he had just arrived. "Hey, Nat, did you find out if that knife matched the wounds?" he quickly asked about the case. Nat looked up at him, startled at his appearance after her phone call. "Umm, I didn't finish checking that one yet. I've been busy with bodies from the subway shooting tonight, but I'll have an answer before I leave tonight. I'll let you know when I have something," she stated in an aloof professional tone. Nick advanced towards her where she sat and took a deep breath. "Nat, I checked the schedules and see we are both off on Wednesday. Can I take you out to that new Chinese restaurant you've been talking about?" Nat stood and walked over to the file cabinet. With her back to Nick, she put away the file, and stated, "I'm going to have to give that day up after all. We really got behind here and I need to catch up." She couldn't think of anything better. She just didn't want to be in a situation like that with Nick, alone at a restaurant. He'd ask too many questions, probe her for explanations. She couldn't handle that. Not yet. Frustrated at her continuing excuses, Nick persisted, "Nat, someone else can pick up the slack. We need to spend some time together and work things out." Nat spun around and glared at him. "Who gave you the authority to tell me when I should and should not work?" she spat at him angrily. "And there is nothing to work out." Nat surprised herself with her harshness and, even though she regretted the tone of her words, she held firm. Nick stepped towards her, replying forcefully, "Yes, there is something to work out. You have been avoiding me ever since that night at The Raven. Your avoidance of me has to do with what happened between you and me there, and we need to talk." 'Great, Nick,' he told himself. 'Yell at her. That's the way to win her back.' Softening his tone, he added, "Please, Nat." Nat saw she couldn't keep putting it off, that he would never let it go. She felt weakened by his closeness as a heat rose in her reaction to him. Tears glistened in her eyes as she replied, "Nick, you are right. This does have to do with what happened at The Raven, but there is nothing to work out. It happened. It is in the past now." "Nat, please talk to me," Nick begged, softly resting a hand on her shoulder. "Tell me what I have to do to make it up to you. That night at The Raven, I didn't mean to hurt you with what I said. I was out of control," Nick implored. Nat pulled back. "It's not that, Nick. It just caused me to see... it's just that..." She turned away, her voice wavering as she struggled for control. Starting to say aloud what that night had made her see awoke her feelings for him all over again. She closed her eyes as she tried to force away the desires welling up inside feminine core. She couldn't tell him how much she liked the dark side of it all, the danger of the vampire. What would he think if he knew she really was getting too much of a thrill out of their relationship? It troubled her that it might be the vampire exciting her, not the man. She needed to distance herself from Nick, at least until she had time to sort things out. He had seen the brief flicker of desire in her eyes before she turned away. Suddenly, Nick realized that Nat might be struggling with a dark desire for the vampire. He had accused her of it in his confused state last week, and even though he sensed her attraction to him in general, he wasn't sure of her desire for the vampire. Now she was struggling with her attraction to him, denying it by seeking 'normal' companionship. "Please consider letting me take you out Wednesday," he requested, gently turning her face to him. "Don't you get it, Nick? It's you I need to be free from," she said, the pain written across her face. She knew it wasn't true. It wasn't him she needed to be free from, but she couldn't talk about what was really making her push him away. Nick turned at the scalding words and walked away, even as he heard her heart beat with desire and smelled her scent of arousal that she tried to deny. She just wasn't ready to face what she was feeling. He didn't know if she ever would. Maybe it was for the best after all; maybe she was just another who desired the power of the vampire as he had accused. He walked down the hall and out into the night, oblivious to anyone around him. After Nick had left her office, Nat leaned against the cabinet, letting out a sigh of relief as tears fell down her cheek. She didn't know how long she could have stood for him to be here with her, as she struggled against her desire for him. But she knew she had to break free from those feelings, her attraction to the vampire. It was what was best for her, wasn't it? What good could there be in loving a vampire? She tried to calm herself so she could finish the autopsy as promised, before her date arrived. *************** Dark Awakenings By NiteMar January 2002 *************** Part 2 Nick sat in the Caddy outside the morgue, his hands squeezing the wheel. He still had not moved since he left Nat's office. He knew Nat was attracted to him, but could she really just like the vampire? When he first sat up on her table, she didn't run away. She faced him, despite the fear he felt from her. Was she just fighting the fear, or liking the sensation too? The next night when he saw her on the street, she stood and faced him again. There was more than fear then. There was the scent of desire. Had he been wrong in hoping she desired the man because she offered to help him become one again? "No!" Nick pushed against the steering wheel as his fears seemed to be true. He rested his head against the wheel in anguish. "No...no...please no..." he cried softly to himself. He thought Nat had truly cared for him, the man. How could he have been so wrong? Was he wrong? How could he ever know now? He finally started the engine and pulled into the street. Images flashed in his mind of Nat, of moments they had shared – the laughter and teasing, working on a case together, arguing and disagreeing, supporting each other during the rough times. As he drove towards home, he realized this was not a woman who solely desired the power of a vampire. Natalie was his friend. She was not using him for her own needs. Yes, she was attracted to him, but not like the others in the past. She was attracted to everything about him, including the vampire. Why hadn't he seen it? And now she was struggling with the realization of being attracted to the vampire as well. He quickly pulled into the garage. There wasn't much time, but he went anyway. Taking off into the sky, he flew back to the morgue. He didn't know what he was going to do or say. Or if he would even have time before her date arrived. But he had to try. ------- "...finished. The knife is a perfect match for the wounds on the body. If you have any other questions about the report, a copy is being sent over tomorrow or can be picked up if you're in a hurry." Nat looked up at the light rapping at her door. She hung up the phone, smiling at Steve peeking in as he opened the door. "Steve, just as I was finishing up," she said cheerfully. Steve stepped into her office. "Ready to go, then?" As they left and Nat turned the light off, Steve held her around the waist. They walked down the hall in silence with the nervousness of a first date, or at least the first one in a long time. The thrill of seeing Steve again after so many years, stirred old feelings she once had for him, feelings she had never allowed herself to act on. Reason had guided her decision back then, choosing to focus on her career rather than become seriously involved with a man. Where had her reason been these past few years, reason that should have protected her from falling for, of all things, a vampire? Nick arrived too late to talk with Nat, but he watched as they exited the front door, reaching out with his perfect senses. As the man guided her to the car, his arm was wrapped around her waist as if it had belonged there for years. He noticed Nat react to his closeness, hearing the rapid beating of her heart. How could they be so close that quickly? Wasn't this a first date? Nick felt his chest tighten as he fought the beast's dominance, jealous of the man's attention to his Natalie, and of Nat's reaction to the man. More than anything, he wanted to follow, but the sunrise was near the horizon and he couldn't waste any more time in getting home. ------- After downing an entire bottle with one gulp, he smashed the bottle on the floor, shattering the green glass fragments and splattering streaks of deep red. "She's mine!" Nick's voice echoed through the openness of the loft. He looked around at the warehouse-sized rooms and laughed maniacally at the foolishness of his own words until finally tears fell on his cheeks. He wildly threw random objects around, avoiding giving in to the pain welling in his chest, and he finally sank to the floor in self-hate. 'How could I have said those things to her like that? Seeking some dark sexual thrill? I accused her of getting some dark thrill out of our relationship. I was just worried she was going to be like all the others. They never cared anything about me, just the power of the vampire and what I could give them. How could I even think that of Nat?' That night at The Raven, Nick had been anxious about everything, suspicious of everything, and he said his fear aloud. Now he had to find a way to win back her favor, to win back her heart he knew he once had. Even though he knew her attraction to the vampire was only one part of her feelings for him and that she wasn't like the others, she would have to face the passion for the vampire that was awakening within herself and learn to deal with those desires. ------- "Something's just not right about this, Schank. You were right last night. This was a crime of passion or rage. It doesn't make sense the uncle doing this," Nick insisted, finally breaking the silence. Nick turned onto the next street, approaching the uncle's home. Since discovering that the victim's uncle had a large knife collection which had a knife that was actually missing, they had no choice but to bring him in for questioning. Despite the strong circumstantial evidence, Nick still had his doubts about the uncle being the killer and felt they would be arresting the wrong person. "Maybe not, Nick, but how can you be sure it still isn't the uncle? Maybe he made it look like a crime of passion, wanting to throw suspicion off himself," Schanke suggested, playing devil's advocate. "By using one of his own knives?" Nick questioned Schanke's lame argument as he pulled the car to the curb. "And then leaving the knife at the scene?" "Yeah. It's so perfect!" Schanke continued excitedly. "It looks like the perfect setup." Nick turned off the engine and glanced over at his partner, certain that he couldn't be serious. "Well, let's see what we can find out," Nick responded. They both stepped out of the car and approached the house. ------- "Good evening, Sydney," Nat said cheerfully as she entered the kitchen. The cat twisted between her legs as he anticipated his evening meal. "That's right, I didn't forget you," she continued in a sing-songy voice. Nat reached in the cabinet for a can of Syd's favorite food. "I had a fabulous time at breakfast this morning. Now my Syd has to be happy too." Nat continued to hum a song she woke up to this afternoon as she opened the can and deposited the food in Syd's dish. Nat hadn't felt this good in a long time. Steve had turned out to be better for her than she had hoped. And what a beautiful morning it had been! The sun was shining with a few pillowy clouds in the sky. How long had it been since she took time to enjoy a morning like that? Too long. And with a great looking man too. A "normal" man who was awake during the day and who looked great in the sun. Nat smiled as she remembered this morning's date. What could life be like with someone like that? Her dreamy thoughts were interrupted by the phone ringing. She picked up the phone. "Natalie's Bed and Breakfast home office." "Natalie's Bed and Breakfast? You run a Bed and Breakfast too?" Nat caught off guard, thinking the call was from the office wondering where she was. "Oh, Steve. Sorry. Thought you were the office calling since I'm running late." She blushed at her embarrassment, glad he couldn't see her over the phone. He asked again, "Natalie's Bed and Breakfast? The office?" "Oh, it’s a little joke we have. Natalie's Bed and Breakfast. Tucking in the customers. You know..." "Actually, no, I don't. Don't you think you should show more respect?" he replied in a reprimanding tone. After a long pause, he added teasingly, "That graveyard shift has really twisted your mind. I seem to have arrived just in time." But something in his voice didn't ring through like a tease, more like an afterthought to his reprimand. The next moments of silence between them grew uncomfortable until Nat pushed the feeling aside and forced herself to comment. "Yeah, it's those crazy hours we talked about this morning." Anxious to sidestep the uncomfortable pause as well, Steve quickly asked, "Speaking of which... I had a really great time with you this morning. It was good to see you again after all these years. And... the reason I called - I was wondering if I could see you again tomorrow night. Do you work that night? Could you get off early?" "I'd love that, Steve. I'll check on that tonight. I think I can arrange that with no problem." "Great. Well, I better let you go if you're running late. See what those crazy hours do – mess up your natural rhythm. I don't see how you can stand it." Steve chuckled at his jab. "Night..." As she hung up the phone, Nat mumbled, wondering why she felt so bad suddenly. Nat's mood had changed quickly and her thoughts wandered to her friends, including Nick. No one has ever questioned the value of her job before or made her question what she does. Until she ran into Steve again. She shrugged the thought away and continued rushing to leave for work. ------- Walking back from the interrogation room, Nick conceded a point with Schanke about the case. "Okay, that insurance policy does give us a motive. Along with the knife there's some pretty good circumstantial evidence against him." But Nick was still uncomfortable about the nature of the crime matching the uncle as the suspect. "But we also have something new to look at now," Nick offered with a smile. "Yeah, the boyfriend," Schanke agreed. "Why do you think the uncle didn't say anything about the boyfriend before? Seems funny that he brought the boyfriend up only now that he has been arrested, and not the other night," Schanke commented as he sank into his chair. "Well, with the strongest evidence in the case being the knife, maybe the uncle was trying to think of some other explanation, and then he remembered about the boyfriend's fascination in the knife collection," Nick offered. Nick walked to his chair and sat down, facing Schanke. "Either that, or the uncle is guilty and trying to blame someone else," Nick added with a smirk. Schanke chuckled at Nick's changing opinions on the case. "Well, we do need to look into the uncle's claim, but it just doesn't sound like that nice young man we met the other night could do anything this violent." Staring at his desk, his thoughts somewhere far off, Nick stated in a serious tone, "Sometimes, the quiet, polite ones are hiding things deep inside themselves." Dark things waiting for an opportunity to burst free, Nick thought, unless acknowledged and dealt with. If only Nat would accept the darkness that was a part of her, see that it made her the woman she was, the balance of light and dark in a wonderful blend he loved. Nick had seen many people over the centuries, who had succumbed to the darkness they fought within themselves, overwhelming them during a weak moment. These people were not evil, just people who had not been able to accept all of who they were, including the dark. Usually it was a part of them was not even that dark, nothing like what he battled every day. They just had never been able to see the balance of light and dark in their lives. At least they had the opportunity for balance, unlike him. There was nothing but overwhelming darkness in his life. *************** Dark Awakenings By NiteMar January 2002 *************** Part 3 "So, what did he say then?" Grace asked, her eyes wide with anticipation of more juicy details of Nat's breakfast date. She leaned forward on Nat's desk, resting her chin on her propped arm. Nat giggled. "He said how he loved the glint of sunshine in my hair. God, Grace, he was pouring out the sweet talk." Nat smiled as she stared at some point in space. "Oohh, boy, Nat. Watch out for those sweet talkers." Nat laid her hand on the desk, making a point. "Hey I deserve a little sweet talking sometimes, what with this crazy graveyard shift and job..." Grace always thought Nat seemed to prefer these hours and loved her job. Just last year she had the opportunity to switch to day hours and she wouldn't take the move, saying she preferred the hours she worked. "I know you complain and joke about it sometimes, Nat, but why do I get the feeling that comment wasn't meant as a joke?" Grace asked. Nat looked up. "Oh, I guess with Steve I'm seeing how the other half live. You know, the daytime half." Nat smiled. "A normal medical practice might not be a bad change..." Grace didn't respond, and barely heard the remaining rambling from Nat. She was too confused by what Nat was saying. Then something caught her attention, something Nat said. "What was that you said, Nat?" "Oh, nothing. Just that Steve was saying..." Grace stared at her, waiting. Nat sighed, knowing Grace wouldn't let it go. "He was telling me about a practice looking for a new doctor to replace one of their retiring physicians." Grace was stunned that Nat was considering this little tidbit dropped by the generous Doctor Burton. Nat leaned forward with a dreamy look in her eyes. "Steve is just what I need, Grace. He is nothing like Nick." With raised eyebrows, Grace asked "And that is a good thing?" Nat pulled back, shrugging off her comment. Grace leaned forward and defended Nick. "At least Nick accepts you for who you are right now and doesn't try to change you." Grace noticed Nat stiffening with tension. Softening her voice, she offered, "Look, Nat. I know something happened between you and Nick, but I really think you should try to work things out. Nick adores you. You are good for each other." Nat snorted at her comment. If Grace only knew the whole picture about Nick she'd see that they couldn't be good for each other. It just wouldn't work out and there was nothing Nat could do to change that. Yet, there was something about what Grace said about Nick that rang true. He did accept her as she was; he understood her like no one else ever has. Oh, why couldn't things be different? Nat refused to look directly at her friend. She had a feeling if she did, she would start crying. Grace grew worried about Nat's new man. She seemed to be so caught up with the image of a so-called "normal" man that she couldn't see the importance of being with someone who cared about her, who understood her like Nick did. With the way Steve seemed to make her feel about her career, she knew already this man was no good for her. Grace placed a soft touch to Nat's shoulder. "OK, Nat. I'll leave you now. I do have to get to those files. But think about it, and I'm here if you want to talk about it." Nat nodded her head, acknowledging Grace's offer. She heard Grace leave the room at the closing of the door behind her. Nat picked up her notes and started to review them, but after a minute of staring at the same word, she laid them back down and looked away. It was just a comment Steve had made about her hours, she tried to convince herself. Well, then there were the dead people comments. She had joked herself about her "customers", she reasoned with herself. No, that was different. The way Steve said it made her feel like she should be ashamed of her profession. Nat grew angry and determined. 'Damn him! I do a great job, and I love it.' Grace was right, she realized as she thought over their conversation. Nick never tried to change her. But she had tried changing Nick, changing him into a mortal, an "acceptable" man to love, hadn't she? But answering her own question, she told herself that she already loved him. So why was she trying to change him? The automatic reply came that he had asked her to, but that wasn't right. He hadn't asked her first. No, she had offered to help him. She offered to help him as an excuse to be around him, to get to know him. She was attracted to him before she even knew he wanted to be mortal again. Now what did that say about her? Wow, this was too much to handle. Enough of that, she insisted pushing the thoughts aside. She wasn't with Nick, she was with Steve. Steve would just have to learn to understand about her job. He just didn't understand its importance yet, she convinced herself. Once he did, he'd be proud of her. Just like Nick. Damn. She had to stop making these comparisons, she thought as she pushed away from her desk and stood, anxious to move on onto something else. ------- Instead of going directly to the precinct the next evening, Nick stopped at Nat's office to pick up the report and have a chance to see Nat. He was surprised to find out at the front desk that she had been there most of the day, working an earlier shift so she could leave early. Maybe he'd get a chance to see more of this Steve that Nat was seeing. Nick walked into her office, bewildered to find Nat still working if she had plans to leave early. With her back to him, she was leaning over a body. She glanced over her shoulder when she heard the door and noticed Nick standing there. "Nick, I'll be right with you." She turned back to finish her examination of the torso. "I just stopped for the report, Nat," Nick said, walking over to her desk. He thought he saw the folder lying there on top. "I don't want to bother you," he said as he picked up the report. He was still flustered at how she had acted towards him the other night. Seeing her still working on an autopsy had surprised him as well, after finding she was leaving early. He assumed she would at least be finishing up for the evening. "Oh, wait, Nick, don't go. I want to show you something quick. I have some interesting news that may help you," she spoke excitedly, remembering what she had discovered earlier. Evidence from her examinations often provided new insight to the case, and she loved the thrill of her work when it provided answers to a case they were stuck on. She quickly snapped the gloves off her hands and threw them away in the bin. Nick looked up, astonished at her mood change, as he watched Nat pick up an object in an evidence bag. A long slender blade protruded from her fist as she held the knife from the murder case. She excitedly approached Nick, holding the knife and raised in attack fashion. Nick flinched at her approach and took a step back. "Uh, Nat..." Nat stopped, lowering the knife, and looked at Nick's reaction and chuckled. "Yeah, like I'm going to go after a vampire with a metal knife," she quipped in a soft tone. Nick shrugged. "You seemed awfully determined coming towards me." "Anyway, Nick," Nat continued, "I checked the stab wounds and discovered something about them I didn't notice last night." She walked back over to the body with the knife. "Nick, look at the cuts here," she said, pointing out the exposed wounds. She demonstrated again by raising her hand in the air again and holding the knife in attack grasp, she brought the knife down towards the body, stopping inches above it. Then she switched the knife to her left hand and repeated the action. "With the angle of the wounds on the body, the killer was definitely left-handed." "And the uncle isn't left-handed..." Nick mumbled to himself. Nick looked up, her eyes wild with the thrill of discovering a new lead in the case. Ever since the incident at The Raven, he had noticed her growing discomfort not only with him, but with the thrill at chasing the killer through her science, despite the good it did. She opted to work every night emotionless, and with a pure professional demeanor. But this case had seemed to awaken the thrill that attracted her to this work. Nick smiled at its emergence again, the part of Nat that helped solve crimes and track down killers. "Thanks, Nat. This is great! We already have another suspect and now we know what to look for." Nat felt his eyes boring into her, as if there was some unspoken understanding between them about what was happening. Nervously, she turned and walked to return the knife back to its protective bag. "I've got to get back to this customer now," she stated harshly, grabbing another pair of gloves. Nick laid down the report in his hands and approached her as she grabbed the gloves. He grasped her shoulders and turned Nat to face him, and reached to firmly cup her face in both his hands. Lowering his mouth to hers, he covered her lips and kissed her. Nat dropped the gloves, suddenly feeling an overwhelming warmth consume her at Nick's touch. Why didn't she push him away? Instead, as he deepened the kiss, Nat responded by offering him access to her mouth and sliding her hands around his neck. When they finally parted, Nat gazed into Nick's blue eyes. Were those glints of gold she saw? Nat slid her tongue over her lips, moistening them, and she pulled Nick to her lips this time. Suddenly she pushed him back, wide-eyed at the realization she was devouring the lips of an emerging vampire. And it had excited her all the more. Nick, sensing her uneasiness, backed away. "I'll...it's...," Nick stuttered. He picked up the discarded report, fumbling with it in his hands. Clearing his throat, he asked, "It's all in the report?" "Yeah," she responded and, turning back to the body, tried to hide her blush. She suddenly felt very uncomfortable with Nick, about the way she had responded to him, what he made her realize about herself. Nick didn't say anything either, he didn't have to. Just the way he had looked at her made her gasp with the understanding she felt between them without a single word. Why did she feel this way about Nick whenever he was close? When she was excited about her find tonight, he seemed to understand. He understood her enjoyment of chasing down the criminal, the thrill of tracking him down, of being one step ahead, of outsmarting him, and the professional satisfaction of making the streets safer. "Well, I better get back to the precinct... Bye, Nat." Nick paused before turning and leaving her office, smiling to himself. Despite her discomfort, it was the first sign he had seen that things were starting to change since the incident. Maybe she would stop denying that part of herself, and allow the dark and light to be balanced in her life, whether it was what made her excel in her career or her attraction to him as a vampire. ------- Nick was halfway down the hall when he realized that he had almost forgotten about her date. Looking up, Nick almost missed Steve as he walked past him in the hall. Nick stopped and looked back at the man's retreating form as he approached Nat's office. When the man was out of view, Nick quickly left the building and hid to watch when they exited the building. Several minutes later, Nick saw them leave out the rear door and walk to his car. His arm held her around her waist, and she leaned into him. Nick's eyes glowed amber as he fought the jealous reaction to this man holding her so close, so familiar. As the car pulled from the lot, Nick took to the air and followed. He knew Schanke would be mad at him for being late, but after his earlier encounter with Nat, he couldn't help it. Nick perched on the roof across from the restaurant, continuing to watch them and listen. With all the other people and city noises, he wasn't able to hear everything, but he heard enough, and certainly understood the gist of what was said. He jealously noticed that they seemed comfortable with each other, as if they had known each other for years. He mentally restrained himself from acting on what he witnessed in their exchange. As he followed their conversation, Nick found out they had some sort of past, knowing each other from their college years. Had they been friends? Had they been lovers? Nick followed them when they left the restaurant and walked hand in hand along the Harbourfront, talking softly. When Steve pulled her into an embrace, Nick felt the beast rise near the surface. Watching Steve kiss Natalie, Nick's fangs descended and a low growl rumbled in his chest. He quickly tore himself away from the scene and flew away into the air before the vampire took total control. What right did he have to interfere in her life this way? How could he follow her, denying her the privacy she deserved, and still claim to love her? He despised it when his own dark side controlled his actions, as they were now. How ironic that when he was hoping to encourage her acknowledgement of her dark side, that he despised it in himself. Yet, the darkness he battled was so much different than hers, wasn't it? She was able to use the darkness for good; it had a purpose. The darkness in his eternity was nothing but evil and selfish. *************** Dark Awakenings By NiteMar January 2002 *************** Part 4 When Nick grumbled his way into the precinct, Schanke couldn't care less about Nick's mood, steamed at his partner for being so late. As Nick approached his desk, trying to ignore everyone around him, Schanke lashed out. "Damn it, Nick. Where the hell were you? I've been waiting so we could leave to question the boyfriend on this case. So I've been keeping busy with these reports while you do... whatever you do." Schanke rattled the papers in front of him, showing him all the papers he had been working on. "And you know how I hate paperwork, work we are both supposed to be doing. But no, I always end up doing it because you are out doing..." Schanke paused when Nick looked up to stare at him in response to his rant. He could swear that Nick was ready to kill someone with the intense look in his eyes. Schanke raised his hands in defense. "Okay, okay. Not a good time... But can we leave to talk with this boyfriend?" Schanke asked, already starting to stand. Nick, anxious to get his thoughts on something else, quickly stood with another grumble and left with Schanke to pick up the boyfriend so they could talk to him about the uncle's accusation. As they arrived at the house and stepped onto the porch, Nick and Schanke exchanged glances as they heard a door slamming. Nick quickly jumped off the porch and ran around the back of the house, his gun pulled in pursuit of the boyfriend. Nick followed the boyfriend across the yard into the neighbor's backyard. Schanke was following right behind Nick, or he would have been able to use his vampiric speed in the chase. Previously, the boyfriend had cooperated and been the 'perfect' gentleman. He answered questions politely and offered what help he could. Maybe that was what had bothered Nick about him. His girlfriend had just been brutally murdered, and although he expressed grief, his reserved politeness seemed out of place under the circumstances. Rushing through the next yard, Nick stopped cold at what he saw, his gun still drawn and now pointed on the man. The boyfriend, standing at the rear porch of the house, held a terrified girl from behind with a knife at her throat. Schanke stopped at the scene, pointing his gun at the man as well. The girl whimpered in fear as she watched the detectives holding her captor at gunpoint. The boyfriend's wild eyes darted between Nick and Schanke, his unsteady hand ready to slice into the throat of the young girl. Nick reached out to the man's heartbeat, concentrating on the pounding of the man's heart, the rhythm of the blood flowing through his body. Nick slowly lowered his gun and held his hand up in protest. "No. Don't do that. You don't want to do that." The man seemed caught in a daze. "I don't want..." Nick slowly stepped forward and continued, "She is an innocent. You never meant to hurt anyone." "I never meant..." In other step, Nick was upon him and he grabbed the knife away from him, sighing in relief. "I didn't mean to hurt her," the man sobbed. "She wouldn't give me another chance. She left me and wouldn't give it another chance. She just kept laughing at me." Schanke came up and grasped the man's arms behind him, cuffing him. He leaned in towards Nick and asked, "You want to tell me what you did, Nick? What the hell was that?" Nick ignored his question as he comforted the terrified girl. Nick listened to her account of what happened as she rambled about sitting on the porch, not able to sleep. With the noise, the girl's parents had awakened and rushed outside. Nick calmly explained what had happened as the girl fell into the comfort of her parents arms. Schanke had taken the cuffed boyfriend back to the car and seated him in the back. After closing the door, Schanke leaned against the door as he waited for Nick. When Nick neared the car door, Schanke repeated the question, "What the hell did you do?" Nick smiled nervously, "Just a little persuasive encouragement." Schanke snorted, "Yeah, right..." He slapped Nick on the back and said more seriously, "Well, whatever you did, whatever talent you were blessed with my friend, it saved that girl's life. That guy was losing it. I was worried." Nick paused as Schanke opened the car door and sat down. 'Whatever I did... a blessing? What I did was because of what I am,' he thought, 'what vampires do in order to control their victims, to capture their 'food'. It could not be something to be proud of, could it? Certainly not a blessing.' Nick's thoughts returned to what happened with the boyfriend. Would he ever go that far? Would he lose it and take Natalie so no one else could have her? ------- Nat ran her fingers over the soft petals as she thought about the two men in her life. She had just finished arranging the roses that had just arrived in the crystal vase and set them in the center of her table. She still had not opened the card that came with them. She wasn't sure she wanted to know who sent them or who she wanted to have sent them. She picked up the envelope and turned it in her hand, uncertain. She had never felt so confused. Sitting in the chair, she leaned back with the unopened envelope in her hand, her focus returning to the perfect roses. She has been dating Steve, so it made sense that he would send them. Besides, when was the last time Nick gave her flowers? And after last night at the Harbourfront, Steve may be using the flowers as an apology. Men used flowers to apologize a lot. Steve had pushed things too fast, hadn't he? When she had pushed him away last night after his aggressive kiss, he was angry at first. But after he calmed down, he was apologetic and understanding. So now he was apologizing with the flowers. Then there was Nick. Maybe he was apologizing too for the scene in the morgue last night. Funny that her reaction to Nick's advances had been different. Much different. Closing her eyes, Nat recalled the feel of Nick's lips on hers. She pressed the small envelope against her lips, part of her wishing the card was signed by Nick. Red roses, signifying passion. Nat forced her eyes open and out of her daydream, laying the envelope down on the table. She wasn't seeing Nick; she was seeing Steve. Why did she feel this way about Nick when she was seeing Steve? God, what Nick did to her just to look into his eyes. Last night when Steve held her and kissed her, she felt nothing. At least nothing like the impromptu kiss she had shared with Nick earlier in the evening. Why couldn't she want Steve like that? The most she felt was affection for Steve, probably from their past relationship in college. Not the passion she felt for Nick and certainly not what Steve wanted from her. She was glad to be with normal mortal man, wasn't she? She was having a good time. That is, she was until Steve wanted things to get more intimate. She just did not feel that way about him anymore. She wanted to, tried to, but Nick kept coming into her thoughts more and more. And it made her angry at herself. Intimacy with Nick would only lead to trouble. Nat picked up the envelope again, opening the top and grasping the card inside. She paused, making herself a promise that no matter whom the signer on the card, she would give Steve more time. They needed time to rebuild their relationship and that included feelings of intimacy. She pulled the card out and looked at the signature scrawled on the small card, and then she smiled. ------- Nick stood at the window watching the last of the colors fade on the horizon, absently swirling the thick redness in the crystal goblet. What would happen if he continued to encourage Nat to give in to her attraction? Wasn't that what he had been afraid of for so long? That she would end up dead or even worse, in his world? If she was pursuing a life with a "normal" man, who was he to interfere? Who was he to say what her life choices should be? As the blackness covered the sky, Nick took a sip from the goblet and turned away from the window. Yet he sensed the profound attraction she had for him. He could no longer deny what he saw in her. As long as she denied it in herself, it would continue to grow until it reared its ugly head when she least expected it. No, it was better that he try to coax her to see it, to experience it. Nick slowly walked across the room, determined to help her. Nick paused at the fireplace, his hand resting on the mantelpiece, his focus drawn to the sword displayed above it. The glint of the blade faded into his memories back centuries, to a time when he was a new vampire. To a time when he first hunted on his own, without any help or assistance, to a time when he listened to the dark calling within his own blood. ***** Flashback ***** No bodies were brought to him to ravage, or opportunities presented of which to take advantage of. This time he was really hungry, thirsty for blood, starved by his Master. Nothing was given to him, nothing was nearby. LaCroix wanted him to hunt on his own. Nick's awareness of his surroundings had increased as his thirst grew. He heard everything, felt everything. He flew over the area until he sensed, no, until he knew a human was near. The scent of the man had permeated the air as he approached. Nick had never smelled anything as rich. He was behind the man before he knew it and restrained the man from behind as he sank his fangs into his neck violently. The intoxicating lifeblood flowed into him and he drank, savoring the thick blood. As the flow slowed, Nick dug his fangs deeper as if to draw out the final drops of the man's life. Nick dropped the dead bloodless body to the ground, still not satisfied. He took to the air again, his senses attuned to the human scent. He quickly found another, a woman this time. The sweet taste of her fear made him only want more. Dropping her to the ground, he steadied himself from the intensity of the blood enriched by the hunt. ***** End Flashback***** Nick broke his gaze from the sword and turned away from the fireplace, trying to shut out the memories of when he first truly faced the dark in himself. He had hunted that night, drinking from more than he cared to count. Once he had allowed himself to face the dark inside himself, it consumed him. He could not get enough of letting himself go, free from the burden of denying what he had desired. Nick battled the darkness everyday, the battle for human blood, the urge to kill, to hunt. Nick walked across to the kitchen, drinking the last from the goblet. He set his glass on the counter and filled it again. He glanced at Schanke's coffee mug sitting there on the counter, having left it here this morning when he had stopped in after they finished the case. He wanted to leave it here saying something about having something normal to drink out of when he came over instead of the fancy glassware. Nick lifted the goblet to his mouth and swallowed some of the thick fluid. Could Schanke be right? Could it be a good thing what he did last night to save that girl? He never really thought it through before. The hunting ability that had killed so many in the past, he never thought of it as anything but a curse. Sure, he used it like many of his other vampiric abilities when he needed to. But a blessing? Could it all depend in the way it was used? No, this couldn't be the same as what Nat was going through. Nick loved the balance of light and dark in Nat, the perfect combination providing a rounded personality if she would only allow herself. He needed to battle the darkness within himself daily. There couldn't be anything good about it, could there? By accepting the dark in himself, could he become more balanced with light and dark as well? ------- "Steve? What are you doing here?" Nat said, astonished after opening her door to find him standing there. She stepped back to allow him entry to her apartment. Steve walked into her apartment so she could close the door. "I'm sorry I didn't call. I was thinking about you and thought I'd just stop by. I hope you don't mind?" Nat closed the door feeling a bit flustered. "No, it's okay. Come in and sit down," she offered. She looked over towards Steve to see him sitting on the couch, already making himself at home. "Can I get you a drink?" Nat offered, still slightly uncomfortable with Steve's sudden appearance. "Sure," Steve responded, as if he had done this routine before. Nat walked into the kitchen to prepare some drinks. She pulled out the bottle of wine she found in the fridge and set it on the counter. Why did she feel uncomfortable about Steve's arrival? Didn't she want to give a relationship with Steve a chance? Didn't she want this to work? It almost felt like he was invading her space by showing up with no warning. After opening the bottle, she poured the wine into the glasses she had removed from the cabinet. She never felt that way about Nick coming over. In fact, she welcomed his appearance at her door. Shit... she had poured too much thinking about Nick. She grabbed some paper towels and quickly wiped up the mess. Why did she always do this? She quickly pitched the used towels in the trash and grabbed the glasses. "So, Steve," Nat started as she walked into the living room. She stopped at the scene before her. Syd was curled up next to him as he stroked her cat. "Well, will you look at that!" Nat exclaimed. "I have never seen him take to a stranger like that so quickly." Steve looked up smiling. "I'm not, Natalie, or not for long." Nat sat down on the couch with Syd between them, and handed him his glass. They laughed about the situation and talked about the cat she had in college. Nat was finally feeling comfortable and enjoying his visit. He had just thrown her off guard, she reasoned, and they fell into a comfortable conversation. As the evening wore on, Steve started touching Nat in the slightest of ways. An arm stretched across her shoulder, his leg pressed against hers, a touch to her cheek to wipe a speck away. Nat was starting to relax into this closeness with him. It felt good to have his arm around her, warmth in the contact. She could get used to this, she thought. As her attention drifted, she was not really listening to his words until something caught her attention. "What did you say, Steve?" "Oh, come on Natalie," Steve whined. You're not going to get sensitive about my comments about the morgue again, are you?" "It's what I do, Steve. It's important to me and I don't appreciate having to defend my career choice to you." Nat stiffened at Steve's negative attitude about her job. She thought that was behind them, having talked this out. But he wasn't going to let it go. "Now that we're talking about it again, Natalie, your talents would serve much better in a practice that helps the living. Really Natalie, what you do slicing up the dead could be done by any quack. Cutting up dead bodies? What kind of cheap thrill is that?" Nat stood up abruptly at his words. "How dare you... I think you had better leave." Nat couldn't control herself. That was the last straw. Nat had had it with him. It had been the biggest mistake seeing him again and thinking they could pick up a relationship ended years ago, when they were both young. They had grown in different directions and were nowhere near the people they used to be. And now they were insulting each other. It was time to end it. Steve smiled and leaned back on the couch. "Natalie, come on. I'm sorry for saying it, but it's the way I see it. It has really changed you, this graveyard shift job." Nat looked at him in shock. She had always been interested in puzzles of how and why. It was Steve that had changed, falling into a normal routine of office hours and patients, and unable to see value in anything else. No challenges. "You just don't get it, Steve Burton. It's what I do. I like what I do, and I'm good at it. It helps to save lives in a different way. What do you think happens when my skills identify a killer? It. Saves. Lives. Where do you get off thinking you are better than I am?" Defending herself, she found the courage to end it. "This just isn't going to work," Nat motioning between them. "Us." Steve stood and looked at Nat's serious stance. "I guess not. You're not the same Natalie I once knew." Nat shook her head, wondering how she could have seen anything in Steve. "Out," she shouted, pointing to the door. She was so angry, she couldn't say anything else. "Fine. I'm going." He walked towards the door, and then turning back before opening it, he added, "You know, you're just as cold as your patients are too." Nat couldn't speak as her face reddened in anger. No man has ever made her feel so unsure about her career and femininity all at the same time. She grabbed a pillow and tossed it as Steve escaped out the door. The pillow softly hit the closing door as she was stunned at what had just happened. She sank onto the couch and sobbed into her hands. *************** Dark Awakenings By NiteMar January 2002 *************** Part 5 Nat again caressed the petals on the roses, thinking about all that had happened with Steve and Nick, and all that she has felt these past several days. Steve just was not her type, not understanding her love of her work. But just because he wasn't right for her, didn't mean she should turn to Nick, did it? "Do you like the roses?" a deep voice asked from behind. Nat spun around at the voice in the dark, the familiar voice that had startled her. Nick stood in the shadows by the window, watching her private moment. Nat held her hand over her chest as if to contain the pounding heart in her chest. "Nick, you scared me!" Nick took a step out of the shadows, closer to Nat, revealing the gold dancing in his eyes. "Do you like being scared, Nat?" Nat's heartbeat still beat fast, whether from fear or the desire he provoked in her, she didn't try to figure out. But she didn't intend to play Nick's little game. "Nick, don't," she insisted and turned to walk away. Nick grabbed her shoulder, stopping her movement away from him. He pulled her back to him and captured her lips in a breath-stopping kiss. For a moment, Nat gave into the kiss, enjoying the rush she felt in his arms. But she grew alarmed with her awareness of the vampire and its growing lure she had been battling, and Nat finally pushed him away. Nick paused as he noticed the tear streaks on her face. "Nat, you've been crying. Why?" He reached his hand to her face, touching the moist trails across her skin. Nat batted away his hand, turning away. As she wiped the tears away with her fingers, she mumbled softly, "Nothing, Nick. It was nothing. It's just me... and the roses are beautiful." But the words were not too soft for a vampire to hear. Nick advanced towards her and gently rested his hands on her shoulders, allowing her to remain turned away from his gaze this time. "I'm glad you like them." He sensed her turmoil, her fear, her attraction to him. She struggled against the dark obsession and he needed to break through the barrier. "Why are you doing this to me, Nick?" Nat whimpered as she turned back to him. Nick smiled and brushed the back of his hand against her cheek. Softly he asked, "Don't you know how much I love you, how much I want you? You have to have felt this... between us before." Nat blushed and lowered her eyes. "But why now? You always acted like... you always pushed me away." Nick brought both hands to cup her face, tilting her face to look at him. "I was wrong. I was afraid of the dark in me, that I would destroy you with it. Holding back a part of who I am was wrong. I know now I need to accept all that I am and stop running from it." Nat covered her hands over his, gazing into his eyes as she listened to his words. What did this mean? Wasn't he afraid of hurting her anymore? He was a vampire. Nothing had changed, except his outlook on the situation. She loved him, but would she chance dying in order to love him? She always thought she would, but faced with the opportunity... She pulled away from his grasp in her confusion, unable to face him. Nick continued to speak to her from behind, trying to reach her. "Don't you know, Nat? I like dark, and you are such a wonderful combination of dark and light." She did like the dark, their growing relationship exciting her as much as it did him. Didn't he know how it scared her too? He gently brushed aside her hair and pressed his lips against her neck in a soft kiss. His hands glided down her arms in a possessive caress. Nat moaned as his kisses continued along her neck column, reaching lower and closer to the edge of her blouse. Nick paused to turn her in his arms. Her darkened eyes looked up to his deep gold ones. "Let me show you dark. I want you, my sweet Natalie." Nat stared at the vampire in front of her, the man she loved, the vampire that caused her heart to beat wildly. The fear took hold and she backed away at his words, although his kisses and closeness caused stirrings inside of her. "I don't know if I like that in myself, though. Sometimes it scares me how much it excites me," she said shakily. Nat turned, breaking eye contact with him, knowing her eyes would betray what she truly wanted and felt deep in her feminine core. Her words contradicted her inner soul. "I know." Nick understood her struggle. He had seen the brief flicker of desire in her eyes, the need that she continued to fight. He sensed this dark attraction was so near the surface and he thought that maybe another approach would work better. Lightly touching her shoulder, he offered, "Maybe we can sit and just talk about this, Nat." Nat, feeling on the edge of control, walked away. "No. Please leave, Nick. You need to leave." She hated her excitement at the emergence of the vampire. Even though she had broken up with Steve, she still was working out her feelings about Nick, not ready to face him this way, not ready to deal with the vampire. Tears welled in her eyes. Nick sighed, surrendering to being unable to break through to Nat tonight. He slowly turned away and walked towards the door. He paused at the door. "Nat?" he called. He continued after there was no answer. "Call me if you want to talk. I do love you." Nat flinched as she heard the door close behind him and the tears that had welled in her eyes spilled down her cheeks. Nick was right. There had been something between them all along. He was in her heart, her desires and she couldn't deny it any longer. But what did loving a vampire mean? Could she allow herself to let it go that far, with all the possible consequences? ------- Nick drove through town reviewing in his mind what had happened at Nat's apartment. He berated himself for pushing too far, too fast. Was it his fault that she finally pushed him away, asking him to leave? If he had been less aggressive, maybe she would have been less anxious in moving forward in their relationship. Their relationship? What was he thinking? She was dating another man. What did he expect of her? To fall into his arms and fly away with him into forever? Who was this man – what was he to her? They had just started dating recently, but apparently knew each other from years back. Was it getting serious? Yet Nat had responded to Nick tonight when he had touched her, kissed her. He had seen the desire in her eyes, heard her heart beat wildly. Was it just fear that pumped the blood through her veins so rapidly? And she had been crying? She never did answer his question about why. Did this boyfriend of hers hurt her in some way? Was she crying because of something else, something Nick did? Or was it the struggle she was having fighting her dark attraction to Nick, brought on by his advances at the morgue the other night? And if that was true, how could she be too serious about Steve? Yet she had still pushed Nick away at the end. She had wanted him to leave. She didn't even want to talk about what she was feeling or thinking. Nick drove past the glowing lights of Younge St, continuing to wallow in Nat's rejection, blaming himself, blaming Steve. He blamed anyone who would fit a reasonable explanation, that is, anyone but Nat. He could not accept that it may be Nat not wanting him at all. Then Nick looked to the left and saw this new man in Nat's life, standing on the sidewalk outside a club, talking with some others. The uncanny appearance of Steve almost seemed like Nick had been hunting him subconsciously. Nick's senses instantly alert, he slowed and parked the car as he continued watching the man. When Steve left the group of people and walked down the street, Nick exited the car and followed him, the vampire awakened. Nick quietly closed the distance between them and rushed him as he approached the edge of the alley, pushing him around the corner and against the wall. Nick pressed him against the brick wall, holding him with all his strength. Nick's anger raged just beneath the surface, his control borderline. He stared intensely at the man, the rival and saw a frightened mortal. How could Steve be anything else? He stood face to face with the power of a vampire, a vampire not yet exposed, but the power of one all the same. Nick struggled to keep the signs of his true nature hidden, but he did not intend to walk away from this man until he got what he desired. In a barely controlled voice, Nick demanded, "Stop seeing her. Natalie. Leave her alone." Steve stared at Nick, stunned. And then he chuckled. Nick shook the man and pushed him violently against the hard brick again, reminding him of who was in charge. "You must be this Knightmare detective friend I heard about," Steve said carefully. Nick just held him tighter, offering no verbal response. "No problem, Detective. Natalie and I split up earlier tonight. She's all yours. She's a weird one, too weird for my taste. But from the looks of things," Steve boldly suggested, looking at Nick's hold on him, "I think you probably deserve each other." Nick rammed Steve up against the brick one last time before releasing his hold on him. Steve edged away from the wall and brushed smooth the front of his clothes from Nick's hold. Nick backed away to leave, having gotten what he wanted from him. Before Nick turned away, Steve added, "Weird and unresponsive. Too much trouble." Nick darted an uncontrolled look back at the man, exposing a glimpse of his red-streaked eyes, angry at his words about Nat. He turned away quickly before Steve had a chance to see his eyes. But it was too late. He heard the scrambling footsteps as the man hurried away. Nick walked back to his car, feeling guilty about giving in to overpowering Steve like that, using his powers because of his jealousies. There had been no need for anything like that since they had broken up. Even if they hadn't, he could have killed the man. But he hadn't killed him. Then he realized what Steve had said. Nat and he had broken up earlier this evening. And Nat had been crying. Nick had been aggressively coming on to her and gave little thought to her feelings. She was upset and he had been selfish in trying to win her affections. *************** Dark Awakenings By NiteMar January 2002 *************** Part 6 The silence of the darkened loft was shattered by the ringing of the phone. Nick, having dwelled the past few hours on the incident in the alley, grudgingly reached for the phone. "Nicola," Janette started. "You need to come... It's Natalie." "Natalie?" Nick asked, alarmed. "She's out of control," Janette warned. "She's been drinking and flirting with some of the young ones, teasing them out on the dance floor. I thought you'd like to know." He was in the air almost before she finished the sentence. He never should have left Natalie alone, despite her insistence. Since he found out she had broken up with Steve, he should have especially gone back to her place. He should have realized the danger when he remembered how it had been for him. After he first faced his dark side, he went on the worst binge he ever had. Nat's dark desires were sexual. That meant... He rushed into The Raven, slowed by the crowd of bodies gyrating on the floor. He searched for Nat, listening for her unique heartbeat. Janette approached him as he made his way through the people and whispered in his ear, "She just went towards the back. Nicola, try to..." she started, touching his temple as his eyes flickered with gold as he struggled with the beast. Nick kissed her on the cheek in assurance before walking towards the back. Nick caught up with Nat as the young vampire was kissing and pawing her against the wall just outside one of the private rooms. Without so much as a pause, Nick violently pulled him off her, growling, "Stay away from her. She is mine." Stunned by the intrusion, the young vampire growled back, "I didn't sense another's mark on her." "I plan to rectify that situation," Nick stated as he stared into Nat's eyes and held her gaze for a moment. With red eyes glowing, he turned back to the young vampire and snarled, "She is NOT a plaything for you or anyone else. Now leave us and find some other for your amusement." The power emanating from the elder vampire was enough to convince him to do as he said. So he left and made his way back to the dance floor, already searching for new prey. Nick turned to Nat, his eyes still glowing intensely. "So you decided to face your dark desires," he asked enticingly. Stepping closer, he grasped her face firmly in his hands. "Yet you rejected me earlier tonight. Why didn't you call me?" She shuddered at his intensity. She was frightened; she was excited. Finally finding her voice, she replied, "I didn't want to talk. I wanted..." She couldn't verbalize how she couldn't face Nick about it, admitting what he had accused her of, so she foolishly chose to seek out a stranger. She felt ashamed for the situation she found herself in – first, in seeking a "normal" man in avoiding Nick, and now seeking out any vampire in exploring her obsession. "I don't want to talk either," Nick growled. Nick crushed his lips to hers in an urgent burning desire. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. Pressing his body against hers, he plunged his tongue into her mouth, claiming her. Nat moaned at his assault and responded, pushing her tongue between his lips. When he broke his kiss, he looked into her eyes, golden with a dark desire. "You want this, don't you? The vampire." "Yes," she gasped. He pushed her into the room, and closed the door behind them. Unleashing his beast upon her, Nick intended to give her what she had desired. He spun her against the wall and hungrily attacked her mouth, devouring her, tasting her. His hands roughly ripped the blouse from her as his mouth quickly lapped over her neck and chest. His fangs cut into her bra and he pushed aside the cups, exposing her creamy breasts. Nick roughly squeezed a breast in one hand as his mouth nearly engulfed the other. As the vampire took her, she was terrified. Yet, she grew more excited as evidenced by the rush of moistness between her legs. That made her even more afraid. Afraid of herself, that something was wrong with her. Maybe it would get her killed tonight, but she didn't care. As Nick continued to shred the remaining clothes from her body, her core tightened in anticipation. All he wanted was to have her now, to possess her. The intensity of her love for him, finally unrestrained, fed his desire. Her fear and the aroma of her arousal at the danger called to him. Once he had stripped her naked, he grasped her mound and slipped a finger into her folds to feel what he already smelled. Keeping his glowing eyes fixed on her face, he withdrew his moist finger and brought it to his mouth to taste her arousal, her desire. Nat inhaled sharply. "Take me," she begged. Nick quickly unzipped his jeans and kicked them off, along with his shoes. He plundered her lips again, his throbbing shaft pressing against her legs. Suddenly he turned her around, pressing her firmly against the wall as he reached for her feminine folds from behind. Slipping his fingers into her, he guided his cock to her entrance and plunged harshly into her center. With her cheek pressed against the wall, Nat whimpered at his forceful entry. His power terrified her, but she didn't want him to stop. She wanted more of him. "Harder," she implored. "Deeper." His blood burned with the scent of her fear, the smell of her arousal. Pounding her mercilessly against the wall, Nick granted her demands. He quickly neared his release and the beast demanded his due. The rush of her fear and intense excitement quickly brought Nat to her release. The power of Nick's thrusting had stimulated her in a way she had never experienced. As waves of her orgasm washed over her, she only kept from falling by Nick's continued pounding into her against the wall. Sinking his fangs into her shoulder, he drank her lifeblood, spiced with her pleasure and her fear. He tasted her orgasm burning through her blood and knew he had never tasted anything like it. His bloody semen spurt deeply into her as the intensity of his orgasm shot forth. He drank from her, tasting her very soul. Her fear, her love, her confusion, her trust washed over him and enveloped him. Nick withdrew his fangs and he pulled her to the floor in momentary exhaustion. They lay quietly in the afterglow of their release, Nick's arms wrapped around her from behind, pulling her snugly against him. As his breathing returned to normal again, Nick tenderly kissed her neck. Sensing her tense at his touch, Nick grew concerned. "Nat?" Nat mumbled. "Are you afraid of me?" he asked. He had tasted her fear and her excitement. Had the unleashing of the beast on her frightened her to the point of no return? Continuing to remain faced away from Nick, she answered, her voice shaking, "No… I'm afraid of myself." Nick tightened his hold around her, kissing her neck again. He knew just what she meant. After acting on a dark desire that has been denied, the reality of that action set in. And even if it hurt no one else, as in Nat's case, the lack of control was frightening. That was the worst part of the experience when it happened to him. In his case, others were usually hurt or killed, but it was realizing what he had done, what he had no control over, that scared him. He was glad she was alright, that he hadn't let the beast have total control and she was still alive. Nat cried in his arms and Nick softly caressed her. Nat turned in his arms, burying her head in his chest. "I was so scared. I thought I might die. But I couldn't stop, I just wanted more." She sobbed into him, "God, Nick, what is wrong with me?" "Shhh, Nat, I would never do anything to hurt you." Nick reached for the blanket in the corner, covering her so she wouldn't chill. "You are just a complex woman, nothing is wrong with you. You are beautiful the way you are, not just dark, not just light, but a wonderful mixture of both," he said, but he couldn't help wonder if her sexual desires included the man and not just the vampire, the danger. "I'm just glad I was in time to stop that vampire you were with. Nat, what were you thinking? If I hadn't arrived..." Nat peered up from his chest into his dark eyes, suddenly overwhelmed with shame at what she had done. "I wasn't thinking, Nick. I didn't want that vampire. I wanted… I'm just glad you were here too," she sobbed. "I'm so sorry." "Shhh, Nat. It's okay now. You're safe now," he soothed, cradling her in his arms. His words finally registered, making little sense. "Nick, what do you mean about not hurting me? I thought you lost control to the vampire, that you were jealous." Nick nodded and kissed the top of her head. "I was jealous, Nat. But the vampire was not in control. If he was, you would not be alive. You came here to seek out the vampire. I gave you what you desired." She felt humbled at the love of this man holding her. He knew what she had been battling, and what she desired. And he had given it to her, not because the beast lost control in jealous anger. He had allowed the beast's emergence to pleasure her, but under his control. She sat up, pushing the blanket aside. As she leaned over him, she gazed into his blue eyes and smiled. She pressed her lips to his, softly at first, then with a deepening passion. Nick pulled her closer, returning her kiss. As her tongue explored his mouth, Nick slid his hands over her body, caressing her warm soft skin. He heard her heartbeat and breathing again increase with renewed arousal. Yet, he showed no sign of the vampire, his eyes still blue and his fangs not yet descended. She was responding to the man, not the vampire. Nat pulled away from his lips and gazed into his eyes seductively. She moved her legs over him to straddle his body, lowering slowly onto his already rigid penis. While holding his gaze, she began to move up and down, his cock filling her with each movement. Nick closed his eyes and moaned as she surrounded herself on his cock. The tight warmth encircling him nearly drove him mad. "Oh Nat," he cried. He grasped hold of her and pulled her closer to kiss her. Nat leaned forward at his invitation and pressed her lips to his. Locked together in an intimate embrace, Nick turned her on her back and took control of the thrusting rhythm. Releasing her lips, he watched her face as he thrust into her core, searching the depths of her eyes. As his release neared, Nick fought the emergence of the vampire. Nat loved him as a man, treasured him as a man. He didn't want to have to need the vampire to make love to Nat. But it was inevitable. Nat saw the strain on his face, saw his struggle. She turned her head, exposing her neck for his access. When he didn't bite her, she turned back to see him still fighting the vampire. She reached her hands up to hold his face. "It's okay, Nick. I love all of you." Nick snuggled his mouth against her neck and gently sank his fangs into her flesh, drinking her sweet blood. He saw her love for the man as well as the vampire, and he basked in the glow of her love. In the aftermath of their encounter, they discovered the true nature of their love with the dark obsession satisfied. With this second bite, Nat saw how much he had worried that she only desired the vampire. How others through time had wanted the vampire, the danger, and the power, but knew nothing of the man, cared nothing for the man. Until tonight, she hadn't been sure herself. By facing her desire for the vampire, she was finally able to see the whole picture. She loved the whole person, all that he was. A man and a vampire. "Mine," Nick claimed as he removed his fangs from her neck and licked the wounds. "Yours," Nat whimpered as she came. "And you are mine," Nat mumbled. "Oh, yes, Nat, yours," Nick admitted. He moved to get off her, but Nat held him tight against her, begging, "Stay." "Forever." *************** Dark Awakenings By NiteMar January 2002 *************** Part 7 After resting in each other's embrace a short while, Nick reluctantly suggested they leave. "The sun will be up soon, Nat. I really don't want to spend the day here." Nat lazily sat up and stretched. Then it dawned on her the condition of her clothes, staring at the ruined pile. "Oh no! How will I get home like this?" They both got up from the floor and Nick pulled the blanket from the floor and wrapped it around her shoulders as he kissed her softly. Nick grabbed his jeans and shoes, and put them back on. "Nick, I can't leave like this," she said, pulling the blanket tightly around her. Nick pulled her into an embrace and said, "Trust me." Nat calmed at his words and assurance. "Always, Nick." He carefully led her from the room, shielding her in the hallway from the view of others in the front of The Raven, and guided her out the rear alley door. Nick quickly picked her up in his arms and took to the sky, taking her to the loft. He landed on the roof and flew through the skylight and into the bedroom before setting her down. "You'll stay with me today, won't you?" Nick asked, his hands softly framing her face. "Of course," she answered with a smile. He grabbed his robe and offered it to her. "Here, you can wear my robe, Nat. Why don't you put it on while I look around for some clothes for you to wear?" Nat took his robe and went into the bathroom. Sliding the blanket from her, she slipped his robe on and tied the belt. She smiled as she inhaled his male scent on the robe she wore next to her skin. She grabbed the brush lying near the sink after catching her reflection in the mirror. What a mess! She didn't know if it was their activities in the back room or the flight home that had created such havoc with her hair. She brushed through her wild hair until she was content with its appearance. Nick turned as she exited the bathroom. "I found these here, Nat," he said, touching the sweats he had put on the chair. "I'm sure you're hungry for something before we sleep. I'll go downstairs and find something for you. Just come downstairs after you've changed. After Nick left the room, Nat just stared at the sweats. Sure, she liked sweats. They were comfortable, cozy, and casual. But she just wasn't in a sweats mood tonight, she reasoned as she smiled. She left the bedroom, without changing out of Nick's robe, and made her way down the steps. Hearing her on the steps, Nick peeked around the corner, thinking that change of clothes had been awfully fast. Then he saw why. Nat cheerfully came down, still wearing his robe, her beautiful bare legs extending from the robe's edge. He couldn't help but notice her erect hardened nipples pressing against the robe's fabric, no doubt a result of the loft's cooler air. He stepped up to her and kissed her, rubbing his hands along her arms. "Aren't you cold, Nat? That's why I laid those clothes out." Smiling seductively at him in return, she answered, "I'm not cold at all. Besides, I wasn't in the mood for sweats." Nick felt his heart beat twice and he turned back into the kitchen. He would never be able to wear that robe again without the image of her nipples showing through the fabric. "I found some soup. Will that be alright for now?" She walked to the edge of the counter and said, "Sure." "Good," he said and turned with a steaming bowl of soup in his hands and he set it down at the table. He returned to the kitchen to grab his glass of blood and joined her at the table. Nick sipped at the blood as Nat ate her soup, leaning forward with her spoon to her mouth. His sips became swallows, and then gulps in time with each time Nat leaned forward to spoon the soup to her mouth, the robe gapping each time. Nick finally addressed the topic on his mind. "Nat," he started. Nat looked up and paused in her eating. "We can't... I mean, I bit you twice tonight already. I can't take any more of your blood for a few days. I want you to stay with me, but we can't..." "I'll love just sleeping in your arms, Nick" she assured him that she understood. Nick wondered if she would be content with that, if he would be content with that. She was being so alluring tonight, teasing him with the robe. Her every move seemed to torment him and flame his desires. ------- They finished their respective nourishment and retired upstairs. Nick grabbed a pair of pajamas from his drawer and held out the top to Nat. "You can wear this, Nat." She took the black silk top and he entered the bathroom to change. Nat slid the robe from her body and draped it across the chair, over the sweats still sitting there. She studied her naked body in the mirror, her neck sporting two sets of punctures. She knew she would find those on her body, but she didn't realize she'd have bruises from Nick's rough handling of her. They must have just started to appear. She touched the bruises on her breasts and hips. She didn't feel any tenderness, but had a feeling she would ache when she woke up. She picked up the silk top Nick had given her, putting it on just as Nick exited the bathroom in his pajama bottoms. They settled into bed and Nat cuddled on his chest, resting her hand there. The touch of her hand was almost too much to handle, as he tried to block the sensations out. But his attempt was of little use. As if it had a mind of its own his hand slid over her shoulder, down her back, caressing her. Slowly his hand slipped under the pajama top, caressing her rear and lower back. Nick's gentle touch flamed her desires, and she slid her hand across his chest. "Nick, I thought..." Nick turned facing her and leaned to kiss her. Then he spotted discoloration on her breast near the pajama collar's edge. He stopped, and removing his hand from under the pajama top, he grasped the edge of the top and pulled it aside to examine her breast. "Oh, Nat. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you," he moaned, feeling so bad that he had let his beast be as rough as he had. He pushed her back on the pillow and opened the buttons on the pajama top, pulling it open to view her body. What he saw sickened him. He had done this to her in his unleashing of the vampire, giving the vampire just a portion of what he desired, giving Nat what she sought as well. The pain evident on his face, Nat reached her hand to his cheek, rubbing her fingers against the stubble. "Nick, I'm ok, really." Nick jumped from the bed and walked to the other side of the room, away from her. "I never should have..." Nat quickly buttoned her top back together and followed him as he paced. She placed her arm on his shoulder and he stopped. "Nick, I would be dead if you hadn't showed up. That vampire wouldn't have held back his beast at all and drained me. Nick turned to face her and his golden eyes looked down at her. "How do you know I still won't?" "Because I know you, Nick," she said confidently and kissed his lips. "I had to face the dark desires I had denied, and you helped me face it safely." Nick snorted. "Not so safely. Do you think I was really all that altruistic about it? That I didn't get anything from it?" He turned away embarrassed. "I didn't say that, Nick. Of course you got something from it," Nat replied, placing a hand on his shoulder and prompting him to face her again. "So did I. I wanted the vampire to possess me, to hurt me. I had denied my attraction to the vampire all along and I couldn't anymore. I needed to give myself to the danger. I didn't care what happened. That's what dark is all about. It's selfish, taking what you want, with little regard for others or the consequences. And you gave it to me despite your uncertainties." Nick looked at her. "What uncertainties?" "Nick, I know you were uncertain about my desires, that you wondered if the vampire was all I desired. Like those women in your past that didn't even know you or care for you." "Still, a vampire taking what he wants of a mortal can be deadly, no matter the reasoning," Nick stated. "I know, but I wanted you, have wanted you for longer than I was willing to admit. When you accused me of being attracted to the vampire for some dark sexual thrill that night at The Raven, it all came to the surface." Nick lowered his head, ashamed at what happened that night at The Raven. "I was terrified of what it all meant, Nick, what would happen to give in to it. My death... Maybe even finding out the vampire was all I wanted." Nick looked up, distressed at what she would reveal in her next words. He tasted her blood, had seen her love, but could he have been wrong? Nat cupped his face with a hand. "But now I know that's not true. I love all of you, Nick." "But you didn't come to me. You went to a vampire you didn't even know," he growled, hurt. Nat gazed into his hurt eyes, "I don't know why. I just..." She felt ashamed at her behavior, that she sought out just any vampire, afraid that at the time, it had meant she desired only the vampire. Nick pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her, understanding the obsession all too well. Many times, he had done things, atrocities, and he was without words to express why or too embarrassed to put it into words. He only knew the need, an overwhelming force possessing him to act. "Do you know what my dark desire is, Nat?" he finally asked softly. "What I deny myself, what I'm afraid to face?" he whispered huskily against her hair. "To kill me?" Nat suggested, remembering his warning to her when they first met. She still couldn't look at him, burying her face into his chest. "Not to kill you," he began slowly. "To bring you across into my world, to make you like I am, to be with you forever." Nick placed his fingers under her chin and lifted her face to meet his eyes. Nat looked into his gold-streaked eyes and admitted, "I desire that too, Nick." With her confirmation of his darkest desire, Nick pressed his lips to hers and pushed his tongue into her mouth, tasting every crevice. A growl escaped his chest as he held her firmly against him, wanting her, needing her. Unable to hold back the vampire any further, Nick's fangs descended, scraping against her mouth. With the sweet and now familiar taste, he gave into his lust to possess her. He desired her very soul. Nat was consumed by the rush of the vampire's power and its desire for her. She gave into the vampire's need to possess her, responding to his touch as he pushed her down onto the bed. Nat laid on the bed, watching Nick as he moved feverishly pushing down his pajamas. Nick pushed his cock against her moist and swollen vagina, hidden only under the silk top she wore. He pushed into her center with a single thrust and buried his face into her neck, breathing in her heady scent. Licking her, he tasted her skin, and his overwhelmed senses filled with the special scent of her blood. He slowly began to withdraw with the rocking of his pelvis, followed by a sudden plunge into her again. Nat stared into his fiery eyes when he paused to look at her. She smiled, unafraid, and he smiled in return as he licked his lips in anticipation. Through the vampire's eyes, she saw the soul of the man she loved. He slipped his hands under the silk top and pulled it apart to expose her body. He ravaged her skin, licking and nipping along her neck and breasts. He again began thrusting, developing a rhythm sliding inside her. Growls rumbled deep in his chest as moans escaped her lips. He paused to flick his tongue across her nipples, sweetening her blood with pleasure. Nat threw her head back in the ecstasy at Nick's barrage on her body. Her hands splayed on his back as he continued to attack her with pleasure. With the intensity of his thrusts, she clung to him, digging her nails into his back, clawing into his perfect flesh. Nick growled as her nails drew blood. He looked at her with the reddened eyes of the vampire and, grasping her head, turned her to expose her neck. He plunged his fangs into her neck and her warm spicy blood poured into his mouth. The intensity of her soul rushed him to a violent orgasm as he shot his bloody semen forcefully into her core. Nat felt the piercing of her skin and a warmth spread through her with the bombardment of a mixture of images. He held nothing back. Images of Nick's dark history, his stalking of victims, his obsession of them, the hunt, and his final taking of them, the taking of all that they were, their very souls. Nick drank her life's blood, draining her of her warmth, her strength. He tasted her desire for the darkness, her desire to be like him, her love of all that he was. Even as she saw the darkest moments of his existence, her love continued to pour through. When her heartbeat slowed and weakened, Nick fought against the vampire for control to release her neck, fought for her chance to be with him in the night. Pulling his fangs from her neck, he softly licked the wounds. Nick fell to her side and called to her, "Nat, come back to me. Join me. Stay with me forever." He sliced into his wrist and dripped blood into her mouth, but she didn't start drinking. He kept calling her name, knowing she had to start drinking soon. Nat was lost in a deep abyss trying to follow his voice; she had to get back to him. She needed him. As she walked in the shadows, the voice became louder, so she kept going. Faster she moved, breaking into a run, as she came closer. "Nick! Where are you?" Nat coughed at the fluid in her mouth, opening her eyes. She quickly swallowed what was still in her mouth. His arm was suddenly at her lips and she sucked at his life-giving wound. Grasping his wrist, she greedily swallowed his blood, drinking all she wanted from him. Nick allowed her to drink all that she required, whispering loving words against her forehead in relief at her return to him. Then Nat grew drowsy as she satisfied her thirst on his blood, and quickly fell into a deep sleep. Nick eased her onto the pillows, adjusting her position to make her comfortable. He laid beside her, watching over her sleep, her conversion. He worried about her hating him for doing this to her. What if this was just what she seemed to want in the fit of passion? What if when she came to her senses, this isn't what she really wanted? But he had seen her desire in her blood. She came back to him, didn't she? Holding her in his arms, he wondered if he had allowed his dark desires to make the wrong choice again. Then he sensed a contentment coming from her as she slept, despite the turmoil of the change coming over her body. She finally woke in his arms, a vampire, looked into his eyes with her new golden ones and smiled. Nick reached into their link, searching for the answer to his questions. He sensed no regret, only love for him, and relief that they now have each other for eternity. Nick returned her smile and kissed her lips, sharing their joy through their new link with a single word. "Forever." ~Finis~ ******************************************* Comments are welcome at nitemar@worldnet.att.net Stories archived at http://home.att.net/~nitemar/ *******************************************