Disclaimers: I don't own Forever Knight or any of the actors in it (mores the pity) and I don't own the companies that own them. I don't make money from this and I promise to put them back where I got them from, approxamately any ways. A little displacement is normal. I give full permission to archive this, just let me know which site it is going on ok? This is the first fanfic that I've written, I promised to work all the kinks out and post it. Here it is. As way of explination, I identify strongly with Nick and Nat. I have my own Nick to deal with. I never realized it as much while watching the series, but by reading all of the fanfic on the net about FK it really hit me that their relationship is so close to one I have with a 'friend' that it is almost scary. Hell, it IS scary. The things that they think and do remind me so much of us that I almost believe that you have all been watching us for the past four years. His constant guilt and feelings of unworthiness, the way that they both throw themselves into their work, the 'break-up make-up' cycles, they can never show their feelings...etc. So I write this partly out of my own personal experience with 'Nick', partly from the special circumstances of the characters, and partly out of what I would like to see happen between my own 'Nick' and I, minus the vampire part. Or maybe... no. Definetly minus the vampire part. *I try and convince myself of this for a minute, thinking fondly that being a vampire would be interesting...* Ok, better now. I have to give a big thanks to all of the ppl that gave me feedback on my other story, Auguries of Innocence. I was more than amazed that you liked it. I hope that all of you like this one half as much Special thanks to Don, the FK gardener. Without your help I would never have been able to get this out onto the airwaves here. :) Always Tomorrow (01/03) *I been alone inside myself for far too long... Never really wanted it that way... But I let it happen...* Nick Knight, vampire detective sat pondering on his latest predicament with Natalie Lambert, doctor and also his very mortal friend. 'Friend...' he thought to himself. 'Are we more than friends? Do I lead her on? I've been acting so badly towards her lately, she must truly despise me right now. What if I am never mortal again? Then what do I do? Start again? How can I just learn to put her from my mind like I have had to do with the mortals I have loved. Love....do I love her?' "Knight!" Captain Reese screamed out, "My office now!" Startled out of his wits, Nick almost lost the precarious balance that he kept him from falling backwards out of his chair. Joe Reese glared as he righted himself and trudged into the office of his superior. "Close the door, Nick, and sit down." Reese used a softer tone than before. Nick complied and took a seat across from the captain. Sighing, Joe clasped his hands in front of him and asked the question that he had meant to ask for the past three nights. "Knight, what is on your mind? You have been spacing out more than usual, even for you. What is up?" Nick hadn't been expecting that. "What do you mean Captain?" Reese just looked at him. "Don't play innocent Nick. There is something on your mind." Looking down he continued. "I like to think that I am more than just a captain to you, I like to think of you as a friend. I know that you have had it rough these past couple of years. But there has been something troubling you lately, what is wrong?" Nick sighed and squirmed in his seat like a child. "Well Captain, I've just been thinking lately of my life and what kind of changes that I would like to make in it. Nothing really serious, Joe. I'll concentrate on my work more from now on, I promise." Raising an eyebrow, Joe asked, "And this doesn't happen to have anything to do with a certain lady coroner does it?" Seeing Nick squirm even more, Reese nodded. "I thought so. Why don't you just ask her out Nick? What is the harm in that? I know that you are more than just friends so don't hand me the same bull that you tell everyone else. Just take her to dinner, show her a good time and move on from there? I think that that would solve a lot of your problems." Reese smiled. Nick sighed, there was no way of getting out of this. "We have very different lives Captain. I can't be more than friends with her." Sighing, Knight continued, "I can't explain it to you Joe, it is too complicated. But let us just say that we are too different to be able to have a happy, normal life together... as much as I might wish it so..." Nick mumbled this last part but Joe heard it anyway. Looking at Nick with sympathy, Joe Reese sighed and rubbed his eyes. "I believe that if you think about it Knight, you will realize that you aren't as different as you may think. That things can work out, if you let them. Just don't take too long in deciding though, you might regret it." Reese waved a hand at Nick. "Go on, book off for the night, you aren't of much use to us right now and we are slow anyways. Go on, get out of here. Do something constructive." Nodding his head, Nick got up to leave and he thought some more on the captain's advice.... *If I could do it all again my life would be Infinitely better than before I wouldn't waste a moment. Make time for laughing with my friends, Make love Make music Make amends....* Natalie Lambert, coroner for the Toronto P.D sat in her office with backlog scattered upon her desk. She didn't see the papers anymore, they were just a blur to her. Sighing, she set her head in her hands and rubbed her eyes. 'How did I end up like this?' Natalie thought. 'I used to be happy with my life, now all I do is work, and argue' she added silently to herself. 'Where did things go wrong?' But Natalie knew where things had 'went wrong', remembering a certain troublesome vampire that had shown up on her table almost 6 years ago. She needed a vacation, a new start to her long neglected social life. All that Nat did was work, sleep and piddle around on her computer. She was getting tired of waiting for Nick to come around. "Hmmmph," she snorted to herself aloud, "I don't think that he ever will." Sighing, she continued her monologue with the invisible person that she was in the habit of telling all of her secrets to. "He probably doesn't even want to come around. Why do I bother? Why do I try?" She knew why she tried. Because she was stubborn, she knew it, and there was a tiny part of her that truly believed that he loved her as much as she loved him. Natalie got up from the chair and went back to the patient on the table. Probing uninterestedly inside of the middle aged pastor's solar plexus, Nat took note of several abnormal growths on his ribs. Scalpel in hand she cut one off to weigh it on the scale. "But why does he always push me away? Why does he tell me things that he knows will hurt me?" she pondered to herself. Taking the tumour- like growth off of the scale she inserted it into a bag and set it next to the corpse on the table. As Nat went deeper into her thoughts she paid less attention to what she was doing on the table. Natalie gasped as she realized a possibility, 'Maybe he wants me to get sick of him and tell him to leave so that he can move on and not feel guilty...' Slashing across the body's face with her knife as this thought caught her. Looking down, she realized what she had just done. "Oh shit!" she exclaimed. Knowing that she couldn't possibly concentrate on her work, Natalie went to the sink and cleaned up. "Not this time buddy!" she said aloud to herself. The silent declaration of war clear in her stride as she removed her lab jacket and left the office. The body forgotten on the table as she went past Grace, claiming that she needed to drop some papers off at the precinct. Always Tomorrow (02/03) *Try to make a difference Try to love Try to understand Instead of just giving up Using the power at my command...* Screeching her car haphazardly into the parking spot before Nick's loft, she stomped up to the lift and pressed the code. As the elevator rose, Natalie clenched her fists and tried her hardest to keep her adrenaline level up. If she didn't keep concentrating on why she was so mad, then she would lose all of the edge in words that were to come from her lips very soon. Slamming open the door, Natalie stepped out of the elevator and into chaos. Trunks were open and their contents scattered all over the floor of the loft. Nick was so engrossed in the contents of one trunk that he didn't even notice that Natalie was there. "Nick!" she almost screamed. He looked up suddenly, with blood tears running down his cheeks. Turning his head away quickly he asked what she was doing there. With the anger fast seeping from her, Natalie came and knelt by his side. "I came to talk to you." she stated softly. Looking down, she saw the small painting that Nick had in his hand. "What is wrong Nick?" Sighing, he looked up at the general direction of the fireplace. "I had been....thinking of....something..." "Someone you mean?" Shaking his head, Nick looked directly at her. Then pausing for a moment, he corrected himself. "Yes, I guess that I was thinking of someone. But it seems like she is...very far from me...and she seems to be angry with me." Brows furrowing, Nat stood up and strided across the room to stand in front of him. "You don't get off that easily Nick. Now what is wrong here? Why are you bringing up all of this old pain for yourself?" Staring off into space, Nick didn't answer her. Shaking him by the shoulders, Natalie demanded that he say something. Snapping forward with golden eyes, Nick shook her off. "Do you forget what I am Natalie? How long that I have lived? How many that I have loved? How many I have lost? Why can I not just remember them and let me be in peace?" Startled at the sudden transformation though she was, Nat was not easily swayed. "Why are you trying to frighten me Nick? Drive me away..." Turning from her and making a gesture almost like wanting to pull his hair out in frustration, he drew a breath to give Nat some lame excuse. But he could find none to give her, so he told her the truth. Calming himself and putting the beast away, Nick turned back towards Natalie and looked somewhere over her shoulder as he started to speak. "Nat..." he almost caressed the word, "I... love you. Very much. More than Alyssa, more even than Janette. You have a...a power over me that I don't understand. I feel like we are going nowhere with a cure and I don't want you to be just another mortal lover that I have buried. I don't want you to be a vampire either. You would lose that fresh innocence and abundant optimism that I love so much about you. You would become... like me... a .. monster." Looking finally at Natalie's eyes, he was startled by the anger in them, but there was something else as well. Maybe understanding, maybe love? "How can you call yourself a monster, Nick?" Nat breathed slowly. "You are the most wonderful, generous, and kind man, be he mortal or otherwise, that I have ever met. You go out of your way to help the ones that you love, and even those you don't love, or don't even know! And yet you call yourself a monster? How can a monster love, Nick? How could a monster show compassion? How could... how could I..... love.... a monster as much as I love you?" A lone tear trickled down Natalie's cheek as she stood there. "The past is past, Nick, it is what you do now that counts." *Guess it took a little a little time for me to see The reason I was born into this world And what I'd have to go through Before I finally realized that I could be Infinitely better than before Definitely stronger I'll face whatever comes my way Savour each moment of the day Love as many people as I can along the way...* Pondering on her words, Nick wondered if she might be right. She usually was right in the past, was she right even now but was he too stubborn to realize it? Sighing, Nick realized that she was right, the past was past. He could never change it, no matter how hard he tried. But he could be a better man by learning from his mistakes instead of just trying to atone for them. Looking down into Natalie's face, Nick suddenly saw a new future open up to him. A future with his Natalie, she was his Natalie. She was born belonging to him. And for some strange reason, he felt like he was born belonging to her. He had lived in freedom long enough, time to do what SHE wanted him to do. Be happy. He just prayed that she still wanted him. HE had never changed! She was always the one to make concessions. But he could be a better man by learning from his mistakes instead of just trying to atone for them. Still gazing at Natalie, Nick felt peace in his heart. A peace that she had brought into his life. A peace that he could finally accept. Looking up into his eyes, Nat saw he was sincere, not just trying to placate her. "Yes, Nick. I will be your new life, I will share your hopes and dreams. I will help you to fulfill your desires. I have faith in you, and I'll always be here." "Do you know what your choice entails? Do you want to live with me in the darkness and feel the hunger that I feel every night? Would you stay with me for eternity, as long as that may be?" "I will always be here. Yes, I understand Nick. I will stand with you and stay by your side until I crumble to dust, and even after that. Always Nick... " His answer given, Nick let his fangs drop and slowly started to nip her flesh to let her get a feel for them. The teasing done, he sank the oversized canines into her shoulder and drank of her sweet blood. Likening it to the sound of a heavenly choir, or the feel of first love, Nick sighed at the pleasure that human blood caused within him. But this was special blood. Alive with the champagne bubbles of true love and the adrenaline of her earlier, much forgotten anger, there was an inner lightness to these tiny cells that passed his lips. There was a feeling of giddyness, of pleasure almost to pain. Pulling back from this sweetness, Nick bit into his wrist and held the pure poison to Natalie's mouth. She slowly started to drink. Weakly at first but with gradually building strength Natalie pulled the flood of redness from Nick. The beat of drums in her ears, the pounding of the ocean, the floor rising up to meet her hand as it drifted towards the carpet. Pushing Nick's arms from around her, Nat started to walk around the room but promptly fell to the ground. Picking her up, Nick set her on the couch and bent over to look, a concerned frown on his face. Going to the refridgerator, he grabbed two bottles of his preferred stock and went back to the couch. Looking pale but fascinating, Natalie was weakly trying to sit up. Nick helped her to do so and held one of the bottles to her lips. She grabbed it from him half way through and drank it down as fast as she could. Almost done with the contents, Natalie crushed the bottle in her grip, shredding her hand. Looking down in shock, she watched, fascinated, as the cuts began to close and heal. Slowly moving her head up, she looked into Nick's eyes. "Nick..." she breathed "I feel so... different. Strange, but... wonderful." Reaching out to him she enveloped Nick in an embrace. He held onto her for long moments, enjoying her still lingering warmth. The warmth that would soon be gone. Holding her a little tighter, he prayed to whatever God granted the prayers of vampires that Natalie would remain the same person that she had been in life. Always Tomorrow (03/03) *But there's always tomorrow To start over again. Things will never stay the same You only watch your fingers change That's why there's always tomorrow...* Natalie pulled back for a moment as she studied her hands, changing to a very pale colour before her eyes. Then she sat still for a few moments, gazing into the fire. Suddenly she laughed. Nick, looking shocked asked her, "What could possibly be funny right now?" Still giggling, Natalie answered him, "Since when did I become your lover?" looking at him from mischievous eyes. "Huh?" Nick was confused, what was she talking about? "You said earlier that you didn't want me to be 'just another mortal lover'. So tell me Nick, when did we become lovers? Did you whammy me into forgetting something interesting? I hope that I at least enjoyed it." Nat smiled and then laughed a little more. Nick just looked at her and felt that this was a good sign of her remaining the same Natalie Lambert that he had fallen in love with and wanted to share the rest of his life with, however long that might be. Though she might change in other ways. She would always be his Natalie, growing and learning. Always changing for the better. "No, Nat. I didn't whammy you into forgetting anything like that." Nick smiled, feeling a heavy burden lifted off of his soul. "Oh darn!" Nat exclaimed, "I was hoping that we hadn't really had a totally platonic relationship for the past 6 years." Nick smiled even brighter, catching her infectious mood. "Well, we can change that you know... there not being any danger in pursuing some of life's...more enjoyable pleasures..." He arched an eyebrow at her and then Nick swept Natalie off of the couch and carried her up the stairs to show her just what those pleasures were... *Before your last setting sun And everything your heart has longed for Has yet to be won Yes theres always always tomorrow though people come and they go But if you brought some loving eyes then you've got something to show...* As they lay sleeping in each others arms, Nick dreamed of the day, hopefully not too far away, when he and Natalie might have a normal life together. When they might both be mortal again. A child with her curly chestnut hair and his bright blue eyes sitting on his knee, listening to a story. While a boy with his wavy blond hair and her soulful eyes read by the light of the fire. Natalie sat next to him and he saw her smile. His heart's desire....maybe someday it would be true. But for now, they had each other. And even though those they knew now would one day die, and the world they know might crumble and fall. They would always have each other now, maybe even for eternity... *That's why theres always always always tomorrow....* ******************** Always Tomorrow by Gloria Estefan I been alone inside myself for far too long Never really wanted it that way but I let it happen. If I could do it all again my life would be infintiely better than before I wouldn't waste a moment. Make time for laughing with my friends, Make love Make music Make amends Try to make a difference Try to love Try to understand Instead of just giving up using the power at my command Chorus: But there's always tomorrow To start over again. Things will never stay the same You only watch your fingers change That's why there's always tomorrow Guess it took a little a little time for me to see The reason I was born into this world And what I'd have to go through Before I finally realized that I could be Infintely better than before Definetely stronger I'll face whatever comes my way Savour each moment of the day Love as many people as I can along the way Help someone who has given up even if its just to read my eyes and pray Chorus Before your last setting sun And everything your heart has longed for has yet to be won Yes theres always always tommorrow though people come and they go But if you brought some loving eyes then you've got something to show Chorus That's why theres always always always tomorrow.